My grief is beyond words
I lost my mom on Oct 6, 2013, and my grief at this point is inconsolable. We buried my mom last Thursday, it was a beautiful service. I was amazed beyond belief the way my sister designed a garden in the chapel for my mom. It was breathtaking.
My mom was put into Hospice on Sept. 20 and suffered a horrible death, nothing like my daddy. He did not seem to suffer. Watching my mom day in and day out struggle to live is heartbreaking enough and then to lose her starts the real pain involved. I don't know how I got through the loss of my father I loved him so much. I am the baby of 6 and love both my parents so much. He died in 2010 from liver cancer watching him take his last breath was so hard I lost a part of me that day now my mom to is gone and the heartache I feel is unreal. I feel is numb like she is not gone, I know it is just denial I don't think my heart can handle this pain. My husband has been so supportive tries to comfort me, but he can only do so much for me. He has both his parents still so it is hard for him to relate to my pain I feel, I might be wrong he loved my mom too.
I feel like if I cry I am being weak and not strong like my mom would want me to be. I was a widow at 33 when my husband killed himself that was in 2002, the pain was great but I hate saying this nothing like what I am feeling now for my mom. It was watching her suffer is what is killing me I could not do anything for her and the guilt is unreal. I should have talked to her more then just sit there and hold her hand. I miss her so much. She suffered from Alzheimer's but she was not in the last stages she knew everyone I just don't know what happened to her little body. She must have weighed 80 lbs when she died. I feel like I am spinning out of control at times then it will stop like today was a good day. I think I went back to work too soon I have had not had any time to grieve alone. I just want to be alone but my husband won't let me he is worried about me.
I prayed last night to make this pain stop and like I said I had a god day today at work. I could smile and laugh but then reality sets back in and I know mom is gone and I won't ever hear her call me "her baby". She was so sweet to me. What do I do without my mother?
Shalom in Yeshua Heartbroken4life and welcome to the forum. I am sorry that the death of your mum has cause you to feel the way you do. Please know that I have already said a prayer for you to be comforted.
Life can often be a struggle. We struggle to be born, struggle through life and then often struggle to go home. These are the thoughts which came to me while I was reading you post.
What is important for you I think is to recall all the happy times you shared as the 'baby' of the family. Try not to thinks of the deterioration of mum and dad but the way they were before they became ill. By blotting out these painful memories will help you move forward. Take comfort from your husband and anyone who offers it, because this is what you need right now.
In the next few weeks try spending a little time with something that was precious to both of them. Maybe light a candle while you hold it and then talk to them both. Tell them how you feel and ask them to pray for you to be comforted. Then just imagine how they must be rejoicing in each others company again, something else that should comfort you.
Lastly be kind to yourself. It is still a very recent event and it is bound to make you feel sad, but this does pass, especially if you celebrate their lives.
May God bless you
for your kind words. when you hear that other people in this world that don't even know you but have such kindness I their hearts to offer such great advice it makes you believe that the world is still good and has good people in it.
I will take you advice and remember all the great times with both my parents, there were so many! I had a great childhood and God blessed me with wonderful parents that are together again healthy, happy and strong and most importantly with their savior Jesus Christ.
May God bless you and your family!
Hugs to you from Texas! 😊
hi heartbroken for life I am so sorry for your loss and grief its very painful and your loss of mom seems too hard to bear but always remember mom is part of you when she went to heaven she left love and memories with you all your life she did her best to keep you safe and happy and because she is only here in spirit now in your heart and memory she still needs you to be happy she gave you those memories they are yours to treasure hold on to to give you comfort when times are hard
if you were in heaven and mom here and you saw her grieving what would you say to her what would you write in a letter to ease her pain well write it because in those words is what she would say to you all moms ever want is for their children to be happy I know how hard it is you reach for the phone to ring her or in a fleeting second think I must tell mom that to share something with her it's going to be hard to cope for a while and I am glad you have a husband who loves you don't shut him out because he doesn't fully understand your pain go through this together and come through it as a loving family may God bless your family reunited in heaven and in quiet moments of thought you will still hear mum call you my baby what a wonderful memory love to you hazelxx
I am very sorry for the physical loss of your dear Mother, beloved one. Truly there can be no words to express during this time except to say that she is the one true and beautiful jewel you will always be able to keep so close to your heart. We do not fully know why people become ill such as to then have to leave us at some point when we feel we need them so much and are the most vulnerable. But when their mission here in this world is finished, even if it is at a relatively young age, we can feel comforted by the fact that she has been received by God's loving arms who is a most wonderful and loving Father who also knows of your pain due to her departure.
The fact that you prayed means that you have *faith* in your Heavenly Father who sees all and knows all, for He is omniscient, omnipotent, and omnipresent. Therefore, He knows your pain and would not give you more than you can bear. But even He, Our LORD and Savior Jesus Christ, suffered much while in this world and then unselfishly gave His own life so that we could live eternally. He resurrected and then ascended into Heaven where all who are with Him will go at their appointed time. And with what better hands could our loved ones truly be.
It has not even been one year since your dear Mother's passing and things are surely hard to understand and accept at this time for you. But a Mother's love is continuous. There are no breaks. And no doubt she would want only the very best for you and that includes that you keep your mind free from worry and excess pain. It is said that when we grieve in excess for a loved one who has passed on it causes them deep spiritual pain as well. And knowing that they are right there with you yet you cannot see them due to the vibrational changes in frequency, since they vibrate now at a much higher rate than we do in physical body, it is difficult for them to see us mourning so much for them. They are now in a place free from dis-ease, pain, suffering, and all that is so prevalent in this world. That is where we will all be one day as well. And when God remembers us and we make our transition back into spirit it will be a most joyous and momentous occasion to see our loved ones once again and be able to be with them for eternity.
Remember that even though the seed is small it can withstand many hard times and grow to become the tall oak that it was destined to be. The same with you, dearest, you can grow wiser in knowing that all is well despite your sorrow. God would never leave you all alone. And He will surely bring many blessings your way!
Do not feel bad for not being able to do more. God has His plan for everyone. We are not He, therefore, have no control in destiny and what is to happen with those we love and cherish. We can only be physically there with them as long as we are able but they will know we were there and will be forever comforted in that. When their time comes to leave, it is we who grieve and suffer but they go on to a new and beautiful place incomprehensible to humans at this time. They will be joyous and free from all pain and suffering. But the pain we inevitably suffer from our loss we must endure only long enough to know that it is part of the process yet it should not become an obsessive part of our life as that would be detrimental to our over-all well being and that is surely not what our loved ones in spirit would want for us.
Know That You Are Loved! Much more than you realize and it is that love that God brings to you that will carry you through your darkest hours. For even when the sky is the darkest you can feel assured that it is a sign that the light of day will soon break through!
May God bless you always in ALL ways! And may you feel His strength become your strength to go on and face each new day. Know That You Are Loved So Very Much!
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