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Flawlesspoh September 8th, 2011 10:37

My mum never said goodbye.
Just over 4 weeks ago my mum hung herself.

She had cared for my dad till he died in 2006 and her own health began to fail. She was in chronic pain and the doctors said she was depressed. She tried 3 times to take her life, there had been episodes when she was younger too, and the weekend I was away and she was in the care of others she succeeded.

I am in total shock and dont understand why she waited till I was away. Was she punishing me or had she felt she had become a burden on me, which she wasnt, she felt the doctors were disbelieving her, saying it was all in her head. Her nurse saw her one hour before she hung herself.

I believe they had taken away her hope. I had stopped going away as I knew she got upset however, my daughter booked a holiday for me in September and I wondered if she was becoming anxious about being without me for two weeks.

My poor mum was in pain and i nursed as best as I could. The week before she died the Doctors and her nurse asked me to back off a little and encourage her to be more independent. They told me that she had a manupulative behaviour disorder. I listened to them and did as they wished, now I feel so guilty and angry at believing them.

Im not saying I was the best daughter in the world but I did try and encourage my mum to do things and engineered her groups etc., and we did disagree on things but nothing major. I am adopted, not that was ever an issue but we did have different mindsets and maybe we didnt understand each other. I bought her lots of things, wrote her loving letters, since I was a young girl, I just wanted her to accept me and not feel disappointed in me.

I have always had successful careers however, gave up work last year to spend time with my son who has learning difficulties and of course look after my mum.

Im totally lost without her. As an only child, clearing the house and dealing with all the legal stuff is taking its toll on me and affecting my relationship with my son as I just want to sleep and kind of feel I have abandoned him. I keep torturing myself with her last moments on this earth, the pain, the lonliness she must have felt and pray that her soul has gone to be with my dad and she if pain free and with me.

Apologies for going on but the thought of this holiday, selling the house and of course never hearing her voice, or seeing her smile or her telling me the stories of my youth, even though I had heard them countless times. What I would give just to hear her say my name.

I have applied for councelling. Has anyone else lost their mother to this awful tragic way of death, if so how are you coping?

Any coping mechanisms would help.

tom-fisherman September 8th, 2011 11:10

Shalom in Yeshua flawlesspoh, I am so sorry to hear the pain you are in at this moment in time. Know that I have already said a prayer for you to be comforted.

It is very sad when someone takes their own life, but I find that in nearly all of these cases, that they are suffering from a form of mental illness. Your mum clearly was ill. She wasn't of sound mind, so stop feeling guilty about it. There was nothing you did or didn't do that could have prevented this from happening. You suggest that you weren't the best daughter, well from what I am reading I would disagree with you. You did your best.

We are taught that when we pass over, we end up in Sheol. Any illnesses, deformities, or pain are replaced and we are renewed. We then undergo the process of purification, but we are aided in this by angels, and our departed loved ones, their relatives and friends. Your mum is now free from pain, free from illness, and with her husband and parents. Whats more she can hear you, so talk to her. She loves you and knows how much you loved her, and she will be praying for you to get on with your life.

Take that holiday. It is what she wants you to do, and it will be good for you and your son to spend some quality time together.
May God bless you

Crazy_lady89 September 8th, 2011 15:58

im sorry to hear that.... your mom didnt do it coz she was punishing you... she probably did it while you was away so u didnt see/find her... mabey she couldnt cope with out your dad... its nothing you did.... im sure your mom loved you with all her heart, and mabey she couldnt say goodbye to you as it would make it hard for her... NEVER think its your fault coz it isnt, she was in a bad place, try and find comfort in the fact she loved you... im sure she didnt want to hurt you... stay strong and my thoughts are with you...... <3

Redfoxx November 8th, 2011 20:16

I would like to tell you a short story and then end it with a poem that I hope will help ease your pain.
My wife of 37 years passed away from cancer and even tho I spent almost every waking moment during the day and slept in her hospital room at night for 8 days, her Spirit left this world a half hour after I was spelled off by my two children so I could go home and catch a little sleep. We never got to say goodbye but everyday of our lives together we got to say hello. A couple of months later my daughter, who lives two provinces away in Alberta walked into one of those stores of a million items (bric a brak all over the place) and she found this medallion complete with the full poem on paper. She asked the store keeper if that was the only one that he had and he said "No, I believe I had 3 left". She bought them all and sent one to me and one to my son.
The Best is Yet to be
by Debbie Oyler

My earthly days are over; Angle wings have set me free,
My days are spent in Heaven-the best is yet to be
Surrounded by his glory, earthly roots could not hold me.
Each day is spent with Jesus, the best is yet to be.
No more sickness, no more pain, my illness had to flee
My body is made new again, the best is yet to be.
And if I had just one more day, to spend on earth anew,
I'd be sure to let you know, my Dear- the best is yet to be.
When your earthly days are over, and Angel wings have set you free,
Just reach your arms toward Heaven, the best is yet to be.

I know our circumstances in loss are a little different but the results are the same. It is those of us left behind for now that must bear the pain of separation. We must go on, somehow, and I am going out on a limb when I say this but I do not believe for one moment that you would want her back in her mental anguish anymore then I would want my wife back in her physical pain. God Bless you and your son.

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