my best friend Jackie
Last March I had quite a shock when i logged into facebook to check my messages!!
I found a message from my best friend Jackie's friend Jason who I had only spoken to on a few rare occasions!
The message told me that her body had just been found in her flat that day!
She had been dead apparently about 7 to 10 days (police etc.. weren't 100% certain)
Jason was the one who had called the police (he lives in newfoundland & Jackie lived in canada) he hadn't heard from her for a while & was getting worried when speaking to her friend who lived only a few streets away & she said she hadn't heard from jackie for a fortnight & a few others said that they hadn't heard from her for a while either!
so jason rang her landlord to check on her, he didn't care, so he called the police, they broke down the door & found her body!
She was only 35!
I never got to meet her in real life sadly as I live in the U.k, but we talked online all the time (i found her on myspace, when she made a lovely sweet comment on singer Darren hayes' page) i thought she sounded nice, so started chatting to her!
turns out i was right!! She was the nicest person I have ever known!
she was always there for me no matter what & would spend literally hours chatting to me online whenever i was going through emotional & physical hell (which with my traumatic life was often!)
i helped her through her marriage problems & other general problems & she helped me through mine!
Even once staying online about 7 or 8 hours when i was suffering extreme panic attacks that lasted about 14 hours!!
if we hadn't spoken with one another for just one or two days she would say it was forever & i would laugh & say we only spoke a couple of days ago you silly thing & she would reply yeah but that was aaagges ago :) that is how close we got!
She always knew what to say to make me feel o.k
& as i have no friends here where i live, she was the only person i truly had to turn to (i have no decent family & round here there's loads of scum so it is hard to find friends where i live!)
so to say I was shocked & very saddened to hear of her death is an understatement! no one was expecting it in the least!
it has been really rough for me to deal with especially as i had already been through 2 violent assaults in a space of 3 months & then 13 days after my friends body was found my great auntie died from lung cancer!!
I have been left with such deep pain & distress & no one to truly turn to, to help me through it either!
i am just suffering completely alone!!
& i know some would say why not try counselling but that isn't going to comfort me much really as i need a friend, i need someone who genuinely cares & not just some therapist paid to be there & listen to me!
You get what i mean??
I miss her so much!! She was like a sister to me & not just a best friend & now i am lost & double grief stricken as well as traumatised from the assaults i went through!!
Every time i need someone to talk to i feel the loss even more, i notice all the more that she isn't there & i don't know what the heck to do with myself ;(
i'm just in a very dark, cold, lonely & lost place right now!!
Shalom in Yeshua Thetricktolife and welcome to the forum. I am sorry that the death of your friend and uncle have affected you in this way. I am also saddened to hear that you have been assaulted and have so many other difficulties to deal with. Know that I have already said a prayer for you to be comforted.
Sometimes the world looks very scary and it can be very difficult to interact with others around you, but you found your friend Jackie via the internet so perhaps you should try again and fiend another friend. You dont say much about yourself or if you have any relationship or not. Without knowing this it is difficult to suggest options with you. There are many on this forum who want to help you, so come and talk to us.
Just remember there are good people just like you out there feeling the same way, you just need to find them and then support each other like you and Jackie did together.
May God bless you
many thanks for your sweet reply Tom
i have since found a local choir that doesn't just do gospel but also pop & rock so i am going to try & join & hopefully i might make a friend or two there!
it is in the town centre so away from all the riff raff around here which is good!
hopefully it will be a good thing for me as i love to sing 7 music has always been my therapy!
have a lovely week :)
love & light to you
hi thetricktolife so sorry for your loss and all you have gone through its the way of this modern world we can make very close friendships on the internet especially if we are troubled or lonely it must have caused you immense shock and grief losing Jackie I am so sorry for you and her family The internet is a lifeline to the outside world and we can spend many hours talking making friends and thinking they will always be there and sadly its not always so when they are gone the pain is real intense and when other problems arrive your friend who would have given you comfort has gone and you feel lost you must try and make new friends perhaps in the local choir There's a saying you might look up ' some people come into your life for a reason ' I don't think it can be posted on here but I hope you are able to find it it may help You came into jackies life for a reason and while you were friends you helped one another with problems and that was a great gift of friendship I hope you are able to recover from the awful assaults and your great aunts passing not easy I know but try and be optimistic the future will get better thinking of you love hazelxx
hope this will help you I managed to post it xx
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