when a loved one is dying
Anticipating the loss of someone you love is a terrifying and traumatic time. The person may have a life threatening or terminal illness. You are torn in two: one side is full of hope and trust that the person will survive, the other full of fear and dread that he or she may not.Anticipatory grief is a terrible place of limbo between knowing and not knowing.The time between knowing and not knowing is a silent grief that you often choose not to talk about. If you keep it to yourself, you believe that in some way, you won’t bring about the worst, an outcome that you can barely manage to think about. If you can just try harder, just pray harder or believe more, maybe you can make a difference.as you try to keep strong for your loved one it drains your body and soul You feel isolated and know that no one in the world understands what you are going through. Friends only want to help, even though you know there’s nothing they can do that would help unless they could heal your loved one and make them well again, which they can’t.
Anticipating a loss can be just as powerful as a loss itself. You are not ready to let your loved one go. There can be feelings of guilt that you are grieving before a loss occurs. You may feel that you need to prepare yourself for the worst, but you don’t want to lose hope or faith.
In anticipatory grief, you may experience all of the emotional stages of grief, which may include, anger, blame, guilt, hopelessness, depression, sadness, disbelief, regret, loss of control, shock, loneliness and pain. Living in this state of heightened emotions for a prolonged period of time takes it toll on you. it also affects the person who is dying. The person is fighting for life and hope, against fear, anger and desperation. maybe you can't discuss these feelings with one other, for fear of speaking the unspeakable. For fear that if you talk about it, it will make it real.i know my husband wouldn't talk he was seriously depressed and wanted to be on his own to come to terms with it in his own way we are all different how we cope but it does make it hard for me now he has passed that he couldn't speak of his illness
I suggest that instead of hiding, try to talk about everything if you can of course we have to respect that whatever way they need to cope we have to go along with their wishes but try to talk about the possibilities. Be honest with each other as a family. You do not always need to keep a brave face. Tell your loved one if you feel scared, confused, or sad too.They may just tell you some things that ease your mind, and will help with this process a little. Talk about everything before it’s too late and you are left with regrets. Spend this time together and try through your pain to make it into the precious time it could be, a time to get closer and more than anything tell them they are loved These last days, weeks or months will be what you are left with in your most recent memories you will go over and over them in detail in your head after a loss and you must know that you said everything you wanted to say.i know most of the time it feels like living in a nightmare many friends always seem to ask the question how are they forgetting you yourself are in despair and need their friendship and understanding you need them to sit a while and listen so you can share your hell shed your tears and know they care having that outlet for your emotions will help you i have experienced the passing of many loved ones and i assure you they will not be in pain it will be peaceful and yes it can be a relief in the end because we know they have suffered enough because we love them we have to release them from this suffering and let them go.My heart aches for those of you who are sharing your last weeks months on earth with your loved one as they pass into Gods care know the binding love you share with them will always be felt from heaven and earth the parting is not forever one day you will be reunited and be together again in everlasting love and peace for eternity xx
re posted x
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