Originally Posted by ginahunt3
My stepdad has been in my life for thirty yrs. He had pneumonia before xmas so he was in the hospital he was discharged for the holidays. He went back last week and was told he has stage 4 lung cancer. The night before last he took a turn for the worse. He was talking and moving yesterday today they stopped.all his meds and upped his pain meds. Now he has slept all day not waking at all. He is now.in hospice. The hospice nurse and chaplain have been in to see him as well as.the hospice social worker. Explain to me how everything happened so fast. A few months ago he finished rebuilding a 1956 ford pickup. He just had a few finishing touches left and now he's dying. I won't go to the hospital.to see him. My mom tells.me how he's gasping for breath and in pain even though he's medicated. I don't want to see him like that. I want to remember him as he used to be. I am so torn. I want to say goodbye but I just can't. Mom on the other hand os there about 12 hrs a day.Am I wrong? How did this happen so fast?
Bless your heart---a step father such as yours for thrity years is truly a Father.
They say that lung cancer is mostly detected late in it's course---mainly because there are few symptoms to rely on until it gets to a certain point to become detectable---and by then, since there was no previous cause for concern and therefore no treatment given, it's often so late that it usually brings death within 6 months time. You can see that this might have been the case with your step father, as just a few months ago he was rebuilding his Ford pickup.
When death comes to us---so quickly---so unexpectedly---we cry out---Why?...How? Those are the first words spoken to try to understand the overwhelming emotions of our loss that have hit us full force with the reality of losing someone we so love.
I am so sorry this has happen to your step father---to you---and to your family.
You are never wrong in your feelings and emotions---you must follow your heart for what you can do.
There are many who choose as you do to remember their loved one in happier times, they choose instead to say their "good-byes" in different ways. Then, there are some that have regrets that they weren't there. You must do that for yourself----choose for yourself. You will know what is "right" for you.
For my Mother's passing, I was there---there to tend and nurture her as she had done for me all my life. As the last sigh escaped her, I knew she was comforted and at peace by her Faith of God's promise. I knew too, that even with her last breath---while so hard for me to accept, it was for her---the true peacefulness of her going home to her Lord. I am so thankful for sharing that time with her. It was a gift---unawares---that passed between us furthering our Mother/Daughter bond that remains forever. Just as in life, so it is in death.
Our Prayers are with your step father, you, and your family.
"For every Joy that passes, something Beautiful remains"