As one mom to another, I simply cannot imagine the pain you must be in. My sons are 24 and 23, and the thought of either one of them losing his life at such a young age is unthinkable to me.
A parent losing a child is not in the natural order of things. It's supposed to be the other way around. Nothing can prepare us for what you experienced. Not only that, but you also have to deal with the absolutely awful knowledge that PJ's death was preventable and didn't have to happen. You didn't have any time to prepare yourself or even reconcile with your faith during a long illness, for example. One day he was there, and one day he was not.
As a mom, I know you will hold this heavy in your heart for the rest of your life. At the same time, I hope you find some comfort in knowing what a wonderfully fine young man you raised and how even his short time on this earth positively affected so many people. There are some people who live well on into old age and cause nothing but misery and grief for others. Perhaps your son was one of the angels sent to counteract that ... and restore our faith in humanity and our faith in general.
I started a private website for my beloved partner, Shaun, which is only open to myself and a few close family members and friends. Each time I remember something about him, or hear a song he would like, or write a letter or poem to him, it goes up on that site. It's my little online memorial, if you will, but I do know that others find comfort in it too.
I know there is nothing any of us can say to lessen your grief and your hurting heart, but please do know that we care deeply and are here for you.
Many blessings to you and your family,
"Fear knocked at the door. Faith answered. And lo, no one was there." ~ Author Unknown