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  #1  
Old December 31st, 2009, 10:50
Eternal Eternal is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2009
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Default What now..

I will try to keep this as short as possible.

I am a mother, wife and really did love life to the max.

In August this year i was pregnant with twins, unfortunately one of my babies died in the first 6 weeks leaving my son Caleb-Joseph. The pregancy went on an he was doing just fine, but in late august my Neighbour from hell drove at me in his car, giving me a fright. weeks later i went for a routine scan to find that my son had died.

Due to being 16 weeks pregnant and have rare blood and living in the highlands of scotland it was decided i would have to travel 109 milkes to have an op.

The journey which me and oh took was the longest ive had to do, i arrived and was taken to the ward, not maternity but womans op ward,i noticed on my papers the words, "medical evacuation of products of conception" to me this meant abortion. i was not there for that my son was dead.

Well after lying awake all night waiting for my op, i was checked at 15 mins to the op time and was told they could not do this op because i was to far pregnant. I flipped and left the hospital and drove 109 miles home. The idea of delivering my son was too much for me.

I returned to my local maternity ward who by this time knew i had left and it was decided i would have to deliver. But i had a 6 days wait due to myblood so after finding out on the thursday my son was dead i had to wait till the following wednesday to deliver, which i did and i can still see his face, and his small body.

Since then i have died inside, i have no emotions, no feelings of love towards my family, im blank, i know they are feeling there own hurt but i cant see it like they do, he was in me, and i had to deal with it all.

Please help me im at wits end and want nothing more to do with life. I have never felt hatred in my life as im not that type of person but the man next door i hate with everything
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  #2  
Old May 22nd, 2011, 02:00
Gigi84 Gigi84 is offline
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First off I am very sorry for your loss. To share a little about me on August 20, 2007 I went in to be induced at 41 1/2 weeks only to find out that my daughter had passed 24-72 hrs before. At first I was numb, completely in shock, and found myself taking care of my grieving friends and family. I went through many stages and I am not gonna sugar coat it for you, there isn't a day that you won't think of your baby... see your baby. But you have to start living life again. If not for yourself, do it for them. Dedicate your life to them, make them proud of their mama. All it takes is putting one foot in front of the other and taking baby steps. Supportive friends and family or even a bereavement group is a necessity. And do not be afraid to have little "freak outs", especially in public. My daughter would have been 4 this year and I still think about her all the time, I still have my moments. But I also made the decision that I was going to live my life, not for me, but for her. I hope this helps! Be strong.
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  #3  
Old May 22nd, 2011, 05:30
tom-fisherman tom-fisherman is offline
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Location: Northwest England
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Shalom in Yeshua Eternal. I am so sorry for what you have been through. It is very painful loosing a child, never mind two, and having to go through what you have had to deal with. I can't understand the insensitivity of the people in the health service who put you through this.

Eternal is an appropriate name, because I believe that your babies already have 'eternal' life!! When a child goes 'home' they are taken to a very special part of heaven just for kids. They are nursed and cared for by the angels. So be assured they are in very good company. You don't mention the name of the first child. I take it that it was another boy. Let us know his name. Do you have other children? As parents we want to give are children everything we can, but you cannot give your child heaven. Yet you have two of your very own angels!!

Try not to feel such hatred for your neighbour. He is just a focus for your despair at this time. Why would he do what you say? Was there some ongoing problem? Don't let this eat away at you. If he is the neighbour from hell as you say, then what goes around will come around. Feel sorry for him instead.

I do hope that they allowed you to hold your baby. This does help with the grieving process. The feelings of emptiness is normal. You are in deep shock. Please keep talking to us. It will help. It may be necessary to seek professional help, but whatever you do keep talking. I will pray for you.

God bless
Tom
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  #4  
Old October 19th, 2011, 10:41
tashaalmgren tashaalmgren is offline
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Location: Ottawa
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I also lost my twins. I was 25 weeks and had to terminate due to one of the twins with almost no heartbeat and the other with an inflamed heart. I like you had to wait a long time from finding out until termination. I didnt want it o be called termination I didnt want this. I wanted my daughters. It has only been two weeks since i delivered my twin daughters. I feel the hatred you speak of and the impossibility of moving on. Does it get easier? I find it hard to find joy in the things I had before this pregnancy. There was nothing more that I wanted than my daughters.
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