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  #11  
Old August 12th, 2014, 18:01
judyr judyr is offline
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I know that time will help, but, how much time. I thought I was starting to get better, but the last week or so it seems like I'm going backwards. memories of Bill does more harm than good right now, I pray that will change soon. I'm trying to stay busy, which isn't easy. I took the first step today, to start volunteering, I'm hoping it isn't to soon. I do know that I will see Bill again, that Helps. thanks for your reply. Peace to you
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  #12  
Old August 13th, 2014, 10:24
cal821 cal821 is offline
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Default I'm sorry Judyr

Right now its limbo... the hell in between.. everything is still raw and fresh.. someday's it feels like your taking more steps backwards than forwards.
The sadness never seems to go away always still there in the back of your mind.
It will start to get a little better as you learn to cope differently everyday. It's small steps.. just like when you have had major surgery it takes time to heal.. and you have had major surgery on your soul " believe me" its going to take time.. try to be patient with yourself.. Volunteering is a fantastic outlet to just get out of your own head for a while and concentrate on someone or something else for a while. You will find it will become a life line for you. bring you peace in small bits and pieces overtime. I don't know what else I can suggest for you other than just try to hang in there.. refuse to be discouraged even when everything is upside down... distract yourself when the sadness tries to come creeping back in.. Your D/H memories are painful now but they will be a treasured possession in time.. you will see. keep researching and reading.... look for answers to your questions.. It will work out in time.. I promise.


I wish you peace..

Cal821 ( Dave )
__________________
Memory can only tell us what we were,
in the company of those we loved;
it cannot help us find what each of us, alone, must now become.
Yet no person is really alone;
those who live no more echo still within our thoughts and words,
and what they did has become woven into what we are.

I wish you peace and a level path on your journey...

Cal821
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  #13  
Old August 14th, 2014, 16:53
judyr judyr is offline
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Thanks Dave, I know it will take a lot of time, and everyone has to deal differently. Just talking to someone who knows Helps so much. I Thank you for that. It's like walking through a dark road, you never know what's ahead, then you hit the pot holes. I will be starting my volunteer work in about 2 wks. I'm hoping it will help me and others. Thanks again. peace to you.. Judy
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  #14  
Old August 16th, 2014, 22:22
baglady1st baglady1st is offline
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We as humans want a quick fix to everything, even grief. You will have good days and bad. As time goes on the good seems to take over the bad.
It is all about patience and letting yourself grieve naturally. I tried to rush it and fell so deep I really wanted to join my husband. Yet, we hold on. I hope you will too. Now I am happy my husband was in my life instead of focusing on him leaving me through no fault of his own and how I was cheated out of at least 20 more years. That was the anger part of grieving. Let the process happen how it is meant for you. It will take some time but will happen. Look how so many here have not found closure but acceptance.
So shall you. Blessings and peace to you.
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  #15  
Old August 17th, 2014, 20:29
judyr judyr is offline
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Thank you, it does help reading here, and talking to people who know. How long has it been since you lost your husband? I was trying to rush things, but I found out that wasn't working. It just blows my mind how many different emotions one person can feel at one time, and it is exhausting. One step forward and two back, but there are days when it all seems to go forward alittle better. thank you again. judy
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  #16  
Old August 17th, 2014, 23:09
baglady1st baglady1st is offline
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My husband died one year ago August 1st. He was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and died 32 days later. It was and has been hard. I have finally gotten myself to a place that I can talk about him and not always cry. I may have mentioned this but at the one year anniversary I started posting fun stories about him on facebook everyday. People keep thanking me for it helps their grief as well. Not only am I getting stronger, I laugh everyday while writing the stories. I am the most impatient person known and I knew this isn't something that can be rushed. Even your thought patterns will improve. I had widow's brain something fierce. Still do just not as bad. If you give yourself permission to go on, the rest will follow. You will be okay.
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  #17  
Old August 18th, 2014, 19:34
judyr judyr is offline
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That's nice you can post funny stories and that it helps. I can't even look at Bill's pictures yet, at first I felt guilty, but realized it would change with time. I thank you so much for talking with me. it does help. I'm glad you're doing better, it gives me hope.
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  #18  
Old August 18th, 2014, 21:30
baglady1st baglady1st is offline
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I felt the same way. I have tons of photos I could not enjoy without losing it. I have moved his urn and photos to one area. I look upon that spot and smile. I have made arrangements for both he and I to be put in the same urn when I pass. I don't believe in the till death do you part thing at all. May have said that before. I believe in until we meet again. I think you are doing better than you think. You are discussing your pain and you are being brave. My heart breaks for you because it is so hard for the first year. It sounds like your love for your husband is/was very powerful. That makes it harder and eventually makes everything make sense. He didn't mean to leave. And he doesn't want you to feel guilty. I'm so glad I could help you. I hope I can in the future as well. Hang on.
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  #19  
Old August 19th, 2014, 20:05
judyr judyr is offline
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I too believe til we meet again, couldn't do this if I didn't. I read somewhere the greater the love the greater the pain. I believe that too. I don't feel guilty, at least haven't yet. It was an accident, nothing anyone could have done. I feel like I'm doing pretty well, just can't picture the future, not yet, but I know that will all come together in time, and right now there's a lot of that. Hope you have a good evening. Thanks
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  #20  
Old August 21st, 2014, 01:00
baglady1st baglady1st is offline
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One of the things that helped me was emailing my husband's email account and answering back. I also started a diary of how much I missed him. I asked people to share stories they had with my husband. For me, this helped. The future for all of us is so undetermined. One moment at a time is the best we can do. Know that you are loved and your husband watches over you. True, deep, committed love is by far the most painful to get past when one passes away. Life is blissful till they go. Then there we are wondering how to live on and pick up the pieces. Somehow we do. So will you.
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