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Old February 8th, 2010, 10:31
othie othie is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
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Hi guys,

I am looking for help in how to help and support my family. I'm hurting, but what I'm going through isn't anywhere near what other people in my family is going though.

First, alittle about what happened (forgive me for being so long):

About two weeks ago my grandfather's health took a turn for the worse. He was 78 and had a heart attack about ten years ago. After the heart attack he became very healthy, so this sudden change surprised everyone.....About a week ago he went to the hospital because he was having trouble breathing, they couldn't find anything wrong and so sent him home. That night my cousin spent the night at my grandparent's house. In the morning she left (was picked up by her mother) for her chruch. Well when my grandmother woke up, she found my grandfather on the floor. She then called her daughter (my cousin's mother) and then 911. My aunt, who was called, went with my grandfather to the hospital while my cousin stayed with my grandmother. Once they got there they were told that he had a stroke. Later they were told that he also had a heart attack. The doctor likened this is walking across the street and getting hit by a car then being striked by lightening when explaining how rare it is. After being in the hospital for 2-3 days his kidney's started to fail, and he started having trouble breathing and was put on 95% oxgyen. While he wasn't able to talk, he was able to raise one or two fingers to answer yes or no questions. After many talks with the doctor and between his childern it was decided that he wouldn't be able to have the quaitly of life he needed and he delined to have any surgey's done to help him. The end result was that last night the family decided to let him go....and the machines were turned off.

The biggest problems I need help with:

My mother (and my family) moved about 5 hours away 7 years ago. We still go up to visit 2-3 times a year, but we aren't anywhere as close as we were before we moved. Because we moved away my father is feeling very guilty because we moved so he could get a new job, and my mother is feeling guilty for not being able to be there more. When we heard what happened last Sunday she and my father went up to visit him and were there for a day. At the time it seemed like he would pull through and they came home so they could go to their jobs. On Thrusday we found out he had taken a turn for the worse. My mother had a bit of a breakdown, so my brother and I went with her (or I should say we drove her up there, my brother being 21 and I being 27) to spend some time with him. We just got back last night after saying our goodbyes. My mother starts crying often and suddenly right now. I'm not sure if this is good, or bad, but I'm thinking its a good thing. She was very close to him and honestly I just don't know what to say to my parents to help. I'm not very good with these things and while I miss him of course, I wasn't anywhere near as close to my grandfather as they were. (For the record, my brother was even close to him then I was and seems to be doing alright).

The other problem is my cousin, aunt, and grandmother. Since I'm not there right now there isn't alot I can do, but I would like to do something, if I can figure out what to do. My cousin and aunt are feeling very guilty because they were there and didn't know that he had fallen (my grandparents usually take a long time getting ready in the morning, so they left without checking in with them). I think they are both feeling as if they should have went to check on him and they could have saved him if they had (which is not true, since the damage had been done, and there was no reason for them to go into their room in the morning).

I guess my grandmother is the one I'm the most worried about. What happened doesn't seem to have sinked in with her yet. She has had very poor health for about 5 years now. My grandfather had been taking care of her with every little thing (picking food, zipping up coats, ect..). When he fell, she wouldn't go to the hosptial until she put on her make-up, and even while he was in the hospital she would leave to watch games her grandchildern were in and whatnot. While he was in the hosptial she really was pushing the doctors to do everything and anything regaurdless of what my grandfather wanted. If it wasn't for the fact he could respond to yes and no answers and his childern had been there, I don't think things would have gone this way. She kept saying that "God will save him". I think she's still expecting him to show up at the house.....I'm not sure what to do...should I try and talk to her about it? Should I see about getting someone (a doctor) to help talk to her? She is currently being watched over by family there. We are planning on going down there this weekend to help with what we can....

I'm sorry this is so long, but any help would be....well helpful. I hope this makes sense, I guess a part of me is still in shock, so I might not be making a ton of sense...
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