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  #51  
Old June 29th, 2012, 16:45
hazelharris hazelharris is offline
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hi dawn i was so pleased to see you on line tonight could hardly wait to see how you are then i read you are worried about your mum i am so sorry you have this to go through it must be so distressing for you and your family
all our other petty worries are nothing compared to illness i will pray that mum is ok i will do this every night try not to think the worst as that is what we generally do when we are stressed
we will all be here for you especially if you need us at the weekend with monday to go through come on here and chat to us if not please let us know how things are next week
love to you dawn always in my thoughts and prayers hazelxxxx

message to all my friends

it seems i never closed the awful story i went through so i will close it now by saying i fought a battle ( my husband) because thats what he was to me would have expected me to do for him like me we never realised i would be left with a hell like this fighting for everything i owned yes we should have married legalised it with a piece of paper we were engaged long enough we loved one another more than most darren was 50 and made no will and after being diagnosed terminally ill depression came when you are fighting for survival practical things are never at the forefront unless you are very strong consiquentley evil crawled out the woodwork if darren had had any love for them i would have felt different so in my grief i had to face the hell the police inquiry was i was interrogated for 2 hours a few weeks after his death they had complained to the police everything in my house was theirs as darren didnt love me i had payed a gas bill which i had no rights to pay all my money i used to put in darrens account we both had a card that was seen as fraud why the police botherd to put me through this wickedness is beyond me darren moved in with me when i already had a home and we were inseparable but this is what some people will stoop to for money the police saw through them and apologised to me but i will never forget it in the end it was costing me 16000 to go to court so as they had no right to touch my belongings house and business which they we trying for they had most of my savings i took the anger i was feeling off my shoulders and threw it away i had his love that was more precious than anything i tell this for all those who may be left in the same position as i was protect those you love with a will while you are fit and well no one can forsee the future and if you haven't a marriage certificate you are not protected by law you are nothing even after 26 or even 60 years

Last edited by hazelharris : March 5th, 2014 at 07:07.
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  #52  
Old March 5th, 2014, 06:54
hazelharris hazelharris is offline
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i came back on here one of my first threads today to post a poem a friend posted he has never read my story but it is relevant to my description of the hell we feel when we first lose a loved one i described it as being in a room in the pit of hell shards of glass raining down and trying with family and friends to open the room to get out some days it worked and some days we get sucked back in i was amazed to read these words today from a very gifted artist and poet
POEM BY DAVID SUTER
HEALING ANGELS are behind the door .........................
Sometimes I need you more
but cannot push the door,
I lean with all my frame
inclined against your name,
and then you hear my pain,
and I know you feel the same,
and the door swings open wide
and you hug me from INSIDE...
his words tell of what it's like when we can free ourselves from the prison of grief we feel our loved ones inside us hugging us loving us walking with us giving us courage still being there but in a different way i pray if your door is not open yet be assured it will one day it just takes time
i am humbled as i reread the way i was and the friends who gave me so much love and support some are still with me i am blessed with their friendship love to you all xxx
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Last edited by hazelharris : March 8th, 2014 at 14:12.
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  #53  
Old March 5th, 2014, 09:08
j's daughter j's daughter is offline
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Last edited by j's daughter : March 14th, 2014 at 16:22.
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  #54  
Old March 5th, 2014, 18:49
hazelharris hazelharris is offline
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hi my dear friend thankyou for your message i do understand your divorce being a loss similar to a death people divorce for many different reasons and i was very glad to get divorced a long time ago as my husband was violent and yet the day i walked from court i wept it was a loss of what could have been and the end of an era of my life so when you look back thinking of all your loved ones in heaven i'm sure your husband is part of those thoughts of memories and loss
we have all been like one grieving family on here caring for one another many of those friends have moved on and are happy again but always remain in our thoughts it always gives hope to our new friends on here to find the hand of friendship people who care who know what loss is like understand their pain and show there is eventually a light at the end
you my dear friend are one of Gods earth angels you have always been here for everyone xxxxxxx
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  #55  
Old March 7th, 2014, 23:42
baglady1st baglady1st is offline
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Darlin', I know what you are going through. I know that when you need compassion, you have idiots come at you with only their gains in mind. Stand tall and hang tough. You know the truth. You know he loved you above all others. I had losers attacking me as well when my husband passed away and now they are getting karma spanked. His mother especially. Have pity on them for being so cruel and shallow. Remember all the good times and to hell with his family. It is definitely a Catch 22 to know that kind of love and have it taken away. It is maddening at times. The good people on here have loving words that will help you get through this without smacking an idiot. Be well and stand tall.

PS. My real name is Maria but baglady works well for me too.

Last edited by baglady1st : March 9th, 2014 at 00:03.
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  #56  
Old March 8th, 2014, 07:25
j's daughter j's daughter is offline
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Last edited by j's daughter : March 14th, 2014 at 16:22.
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  #57  
Old March 8th, 2014, 14:57
hazelharris hazelharris is offline
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thankyou for both of your replies i think when some people hurt us so badly it always leaves a scar but now time has passed i don't take it so personally i just understand that there is always people we meet that will say and do anything for money but there's also an awful lot of earth angels that outshine all the bad people and its the goodness and friendship i have received that are my memories now sometimes my mind wanders to all i went through i tell myself to stop and thing of other things these people don't belong in my memories they have no place in there i don't even pity them for the way they are we are all responsible for our own actions and one day they will be answerable for their sins Knowing and loving Darren so much i know he would have been horrified at what i went through but watching him suffer through this evil cancer is the hell i went through most everything else is insignificant in comparison i never did talk about what else i was going through at the time because it was unbearable four days after Darrens death my sons stepdaughter a most beautiful girl was left in the road for dead a victim of a hit and run nearly every bone broken in her body and it was a miracle she survived so going through all this grief we were praying for her to survive and after 6 months hospitalisation she overcame her injuries and now after 2 years is on the road to recovery i suppose when we have all suffered so much in different ways we all look back and wonder how on earth we coped but we find the strength from somewhere
i think when our loss is recent the beautiful good happy times the places we went to holidays wonderful memories even those are too painful to remember and hurt us to think of them even the shops work or walking familiar routes breaks our hearts but gradually as we accept they are in heaven these places and memories sustain us and we realise that what we thought was too painful to remember is our salvation and i am now in a better place grateful for the years we had and all the joy and laughter we shared i can remember him with a smile he still keeps me company wherever i am because he is still with me in my heart xxx love to you all xxx
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Last edited by hazelharris : March 8th, 2014 at 16:59.
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  #58  
Old March 8th, 2014, 19:02
Chaka Chaka is offline
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Default Coincidence

Quote:
Originally Posted by hazelharris View Post
i came back on here one of my first threads today ...
Hazel, I don't want to hijack your thread, but I think it is quite a coincidence that I have not been here in about a year. The first thing I read was a private message you sent me last March, and the next thing I read was your thread saying you were taking time away, and the very next thing was this post which you wrote just three days ago.
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  #59  
Old March 9th, 2014, 03:50
hazelharris hazelharris is offline
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hi chakka thankyou for your reply that was a coincidence the three messages you read i did have a short break for about 5 weeks but just popped back on the forum to answer pms that i was getting many of my friends had left the forum who were always here for a chat every night and to help new friends who came on for help and advice and i missed them so i needed the break to adapt we always miss friends when they are no longer with us we were all very close in our journey trying to overcome grief but it's why we are here hoping that one day friends can leave the grief and return to life again and find happiness Then one day the forum was so quiet no one was here to answer a call for help and i remembered all the help and friendship i had received understood their pain and i couldn't bear not to answer so i came back to try and help in some small way I have never reread my first thread it always seemed too painful to go back and read how bad it was bad enough to try and keep those dreadful times out of my head but i was ok sending you my love hazel xxxx
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  #60  
Old March 9th, 2014, 16:47
j's daughter j's daughter is offline
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Last edited by j's daughter : March 14th, 2014 at 16:18.
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