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Old February 10th, 2012, 08:46
GiftofGab GiftofGab is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2012
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Default Last child left. 2 Brothers dead

We grew up in a messed up household. My mom was a drunk/druggy who basically abandoned up. We all had a difficult childhood, and my oldest brothers both turned to drugs and alchol as adults. I lost my brother Rick (age 35) 6 years ago to an overdose, and sadly I lost my oldest brother Dan (age 42) last week to an overdose.

I am so sad, angry and confused. How could this have happened twice? Dan never got over the loss of our other brother Rick. How could he have let this happen to him too?

I am having a hard time putting into words my feelings. Sometimes I feel numb. Sometimes I keep waiting for a phone call saying it was a mistake, and it wasn't him...Somtimes I feel angry. Sometimes I just feel such a deep sadness and I cannot stop crying.

I have so much regret. Regret for the time we didn't spend together. I don't use drugs and its hard having family who does. There are a lot of lies and hurt... It causes space, and now I regret that...

I have two beautiful children and I am just doing my best to focus on them, because they bring me joy, but its so hard...

Last edited by GiftofGab : February 10th, 2012 at 08:54.
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Old February 10th, 2012, 10:13
tom-fisherman tom-fisherman is offline
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Join Date: May 2011
Location: Northwest England
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Shalom in Yeshua giftofgab, Welcome to the forum.

I am sorry to hear your story and know that I have already said a prayer for you to be comforted. The first thing I want to say to you is please don't regret a moment of your life. You have done nothing wrong. There was nothing you could have done to change anything so please stop beating yourself up and feeling guilty.

It is quite impossible to change the direction a drug addict takes unless they, the individual wants to change. It is very sad watching a loved one do this to themselves but at the end of the day it is their choice. It is not their choice however to overdose. This is done accidentally quite often because the drug is to strong.

Your upbringing and having children of your own steered you in a different direction to your brothers. Your should 'pat' yourself on the back for not turning to drugs, exposing them to it, or abandoning your children. So well done.

Your children are your focus and that will help. What you also need is to talk to others about your feelings. This is important as it also helps. Do you have a partner you can do this with? If not do it here we all want to help. If you prefare you can always send me a private message, which I will answer.

It is still very early days, and I suspect will have the funeral to do. You are not alone. We will help you through this.

May God bless you
Tom
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