When your wishes are not respected...

[Jewel]

I'm sorry that this happened to you, SageMother. I have had to deal with the same type of insensitivity. It's hard to understand (at the time) why somebody would be so insensitive as to not meet your wishes. A similar thing happened to my mother after she had a miscarriage. Her family decided to throw her a big baby shower, thinking it would cheer her up. She had specifically told everybody that she didn't want one.

[SageMother]

I can imagine the thoughts that must have been going through her mind when this happened. It is devastating to realize that those around you cannot control themselves and wait for the grieving party to indicate they would welcome gifts or celebration.

[Taggart]

I've heard of women who've experienced the loss of miscarriage once not wanting baby gifts until a certain time, in the event of a second miscarriage.

Also, I think I've heard that the first pregnancy may have a higher miscarriage rate, and I think some people delay announcements because of that?

[SageMother]

Originally Posted by Taggart

I've heard of women who've experienced the loss of miscarriage once not wanting baby gifts until a certain time, in the event of a second miscarriage.

Also, I think I've heard that the first pregnancy may have a higher miscarriage rate, and I think some people delay announcements because of that?

Some people do hold off until they feel the pregnancy will be successful, especially if there is a history that has established a risk. I hadn't heard this with first pregnancies but it makes perfect sense to me.

[Priscilla]

I still say that mother did not intend harm. Of course she should have respected your wishes, but it's not like she did something awful like burned down your house or stole your credit cards.........she bought you some stuff she thought you would need.
Do you know understand that the rest of your family was trying to get past the grief of your first miscarriage? Perhaps they thought they could help you view the pregnancy of twins as a happy and miraculous event rather than the something to be dreaded with visions of doom?
I feel for you, I really do, but I think that your mother and aunt did not intend to hurt you.

In any case, you say that this was years ago, perhaps it's time to move on.