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  #11  
Old July 7th, 2012, 11:22
Lottie Lottie is offline
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Default Thank you.

Thank you all. And hazel thank you for your private message.. I cannot reply yet as it says your inbox is full.

I know that I am going round and round in circles.. I feel so stuck.. but please all know your words do help.. and the fact there are people there who care like you all do is such a comfort.

One of her friends.. who contacted me after this all happened.. and simply shared our memories of her.. has been so cruel. Based on a photo of me with some friends he has decided I am someone who judges people on appearances. Saying I never liked Cat.. to 'enjoy my fake grief'. He kept repeating she was fat and ugly and telling me I was lying. I cannot believe someone can be so cruel and knowingly put me further down at a time like this. He is in his 30s.. (I am 19). I tried to explain myself.. I know what he thinks is not really relevant but the fact someone can accuse me of not missing my friend has been another huge blow.

Then the police phoned this morning.. they just need a statement from me. I know it's routine etc.. but I was told that after a couple of weeks it would all have calmed down. And it hasnt.. it's still right there at every turn it seems.

It's comforting that you say my guilt is unfounded.. I hope with time I will believe that too. I'm so scared that I won't though. I know it seems your words arent helping me.. and today I do feel like i'm falling even further.. that the bottom just got lower.. but you are all really helping, more than you could imagine. Thank you everyone.
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  #12  
Old July 7th, 2012, 11:48
hazelharris hazelharris is offline
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hi lottie unfortunately in this life we meet people who are cruel the man who has caused this distress keep well away from him and all i can say about him is when in the future things happen to him and they will he might remember his cruelty and be ashamed of himself
you know how you are feeling you don't need people to assume they can get in your mind and read it put the excuse of a man in the trash bin with the newspaper and slam the lid on you don't need people like him round you
most people arn't like him and will have enormous sympathy like i said it wouldn't enter any normal thinking persons mind to think you are to blame because your not it will get easier but it's down to you to accept it if you wern't such a nice person you wouldn't be beating yourself up so much
you have reached the bottom now it's time to climb out into the sun again each day that passes will get better
love hazelxx
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  #13  
Old July 7th, 2012, 14:00
hazelharris hazelharris is offline
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hi lottie sent a pm to you our friend on here dave has written some wonderful posts and one of them especially may help you
go on to the forums to grief recovery
cal821 the daily struggle trying to keep positive-and a personal struggle for meaning
there is quite a lot of good threads there you can read as well
love hazelxx
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  #14  
Old July 8th, 2012, 06:58
hazelharris hazelharris is offline
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hi lottie sent you a message this morning i'm glad you read daves thoughts keep reading them i have been trying to find the words to help by turning these thoughts you have of guilt into regret
you know all of us here know you have nothing to blame yourself for your mind is mixing it all up with the feeling of regret that cat had this accident
just sit and think about it all logically and remember when thinking about it you couldn't see into the future just as cat couldn't foresee it and avoid what happened if we had that ability nothing bad would happen to anyone
i think cat's spirit will be distressed thinking if i didn't fall off that horse i wouldn't have been causing all my friend lotties distress she needs you to be happy again so she can be at peace
if you can't stop your feelings and you continue to feel guilty forgive yourself
don't carry this burden it's not yours lay it down
chrissie sends her love to you her computers up the blink at the moment but you are in her thoughts and prayers
love hazelxxx
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  #15  
Old July 9th, 2012, 03:52
hazelharris hazelharris is offline
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morning lottie you are doing well i can't tell you how pleased i am you have taken that small step forward today i shall be thinking of you as have to go through the difficult bit but it will be over and done with then
sometimes you can't see the progress you are making yourself but i know you are getting into a better place
don't despair if you feel down again as we come to accepting our loss it can be up and down for a while it will get better until the sadness gets less and less and the joy in our lives come back more and more i will send you a pm later on today let me know how you get on have courage
love hazelxx
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  #16  
Old July 9th, 2012, 05:23
gumek gumek is offline
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Smile Not Guilty

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lottie View Post
Thank you all. And hazel thank you for your private message.. I cannot reply yet as it says your inbox is full.

I know that I am going round and round in circles.. I feel so stuck.. but please all know your words do help.. and the fact there are people there who care like you all do is such a comfort.

One of her friends.. who contacted me after this all happened.. and simply shared our memories of her.. has been so cruel. Based on a photo of me with some friends he has decided I am someone who judges people on appearances. Saying I never liked Cat.. to 'enjoy my fake grief'. He kept repeating she was fat and ugly and telling me I was lying. I cannot believe someone can be so cruel and knowingly put me further down at a time like this. He is in his 30s.. (I am 19). I tried to explain myself.. I know what he thinks is not really relevant but the fact someone can accuse me of not missing my friend has been another huge blow.

Then the police phoned this morning.. they just need a statement from me. I know it's routine etc.. but I was told that after a couple of weeks it would all have calmed down. And it hasnt.. it's still right there at every turn it seems.

It's comforting that you say my guilt is unfounded.. I hope with time I will believe that too. I'm so scared that I won't though. I know it seems your words arent helping me.. and today I do feel like i'm falling even further.. that the bottom just got lower.. but you are all really helping, more than you could imagine. Thank you everyone.
hello lottie, have been keeping up with your posts and replys, lottie as you have said yourself, your guilt is unfounded, if you can sit down and have a good talk with yourself this reality will come to you, you are not guilty, this was an accident, please try and be kind to yourself my friend. All of our friends on forum have shared with you such wise words of support, all i would like to add is re-read their replys, chew them over then take on board that you did nothing wrong, be gentle with yourself.

hugs

chrissie.
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  #17  
Old July 9th, 2012, 20:19
Lottie Lottie is offline
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Default Thank you.

Thank you Hazel and Chrissie. My aunt noticed today.. just for a few minutes I sounded more normal. This evening i'm finding a bit of struggle but as you said Hazel... its ups and downs I guess. And there ARE (im trying to tell myself this right now!) some very tiny ups appearing now and again which I cling to.

The guilt is something that i'm becoming scared I will always feel... though I would say I am becoming better at trying to push that feeling aside.. even just for a while.. to focus on all the other feelings.. I guess the more 'normal' grief ones. Anger, hopelessness.. they are appearing. Hearing though that they are something 'normal' I guess gives comfort though. The shock is something that still hasn't gone too.. I guess it can't be as strong as it was.. but i'm almost surprised it's there still. I am going to see a counselor.. I don't know if I see it helping.. as it's not that I can't talk to people .. but worth a try. The doctor is also wanting to try anti-depressants.. i'm unsure on my feelings with this.

I am trying to remember just how dark a place I was in a week or so ago... to try and see progress. I'm worried it will take such a long time.. but then also scared it won't.. scared of being over it and scared of not being.

Seeing my friend was nice yesterday.. a scary step .. and horrible to start with but slowly I was in a slightly better place. To anyone else who is reading this.. who is facing problems.. don't be afraid to try little steps.. because if you don't try you won't go anywhere I suppose.

Thank you everyone again. x
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  #18  
Old July 10th, 2012, 06:45
hazelharris hazelharris is offline
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Default

morning lottie don't be surprised your feelings are still there they are intense emotional feelings that don't just dissapear they will gradually go if you don't hold on to them the weeks will get better the more you find help from people who love you and you understand yourself that this blame is what a lot of people feel in grief and it's normal but always unfounded you mustn't let it get a grip on your mind thats when you need extra help and i am glad you have seen a doctor before it gets worse and seeing a councellor i hope will help you
having talked to you over the days i know you have taken small steps forward i hope you are able to see that yourself i know you are anxious for it all to go away and it will try and do something nice for yourself today you didn't want to see your friend the other day you took that brave step and everything turned out alright each thing you do will be the same
we are all here for you love hazelxx
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  #19  
Old July 10th, 2012, 18:26
gumek gumek is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 746
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lottie View Post
Thank you Hazel and Chrissie. My aunt noticed today.. just for a few minutes I sounded more normal. This evening i'm finding a bit of struggle but as you said Hazel... its ups and downs I guess. And there ARE (im trying to tell myself this right now!) some very tiny ups appearing now and again which I cling to.

The guilt is something that i'm becoming scared I will always feel... though I would say I am becoming better at trying to push that feeling aside.. even just for a while.. to focus on all the other feelings.. I guess the more 'normal' grief ones. Anger, hopelessness.. they are appearing. Hearing though that they are something 'normal' I guess gives comfort though. The shock is something that still hasn't gone too.. I guess it can't be as strong as it was.. but i'm almost surprised it's there still. I am going to see a counselor.. I don't know if I see it helping.. as it's not that I can't talk to people .. but worth a try. The doctor is also wanting to try anti-depressants.. i'm unsure on my feelings with this.

I am trying to remember just how dark a place I was in a week or so ago... to try and see progress. I'm worried it will take such a long time.. but then also scared it won't.. scared of being over it and scared of not being.

Seeing my friend was nice yesterday.. a scary step .. and horrible to start with but slowly I was in a slightly better place. To anyone else who is reading this.. who is facing problems.. don't be afraid to try little steps.. because if you don't try you won't go anywhere I suppose.

Thank you everyone again. x
hello lotte, its late but just taking a last look before off to bed. I'm glad that you are thinking things through, the shock, the pain are a natural occurance
at a time like this. You mentioned getting more help, thats good but if i may just say that the anti-depressants can sometimes cause more problems in the long run, please try talking things through for a while before taking them and you are right about taking those little steps, all of us on forum have found this to be a good way, sorrow and grief or shock at what has happened just cannot be hurried, but we all cope in different ways, there is no right or wrong way. and please if you can allow your family to stay close to you and help you also. If you read this tonight, i hope that you sleep well and i pray for you to be comforted. god bless.

love
chrissie.
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