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  #11  
Old July 11th, 2007, 23:23
SageMother SageMother is offline
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Originally Posted by RoxyMoron View Post
I agree...if someone I knew had cancer, I would be stronger because I would have already gotten my crying out and not ask "why" so much, and they could enjoy the time they have left.
Sudden deaths are so unfinished...and so unjustified...you just can never understand why...

The shock is so incredible. It's as if a big hole opens up and there isn't anything you can do to help that person any longer. Just about the only thing you can do is hope they didn't suffer any pain.
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  #12  
Old July 26th, 2007, 22:01
Calypso Calypso is offline
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Being the person to deliver the news of a sudden death takes a special kind of bravery. I am not sure I could do it.
Even though I knew that was a necessary part of my job, I absolutely hated doing it. There's simply no easy way to break such news, no way to cushion the shock and grief of the bereaved family. I would go back to my office and cry after it was all over.
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  #13  
Old July 26th, 2007, 23:57
SageMother SageMother is offline
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Even though I knew that was a necessary part of my job, I absolutely hated doing it. There's simply no easy way to break such news, no way to cushion the shock and grief of the bereaved family. I would go back to my office and cry after it was all over.
How long did you work in that position? Did you find there were some stress issues once you left it?
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  #14  
Old July 28th, 2007, 13:00
Calypso Calypso is offline
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How long did you work in that position? Did you find there were some stress issues once you left it?
I worked in the ER for four years and actually did develop a kind of secondary post traumatic stress disorder. I had nightmares about some of our cases, and occasionally when I was out shopping and the public address system came on I would freeze, sure that I was about to hear the dreaded words, "We have a trauma code five minutes out!"

I handled the stress by talking to my supervisor, who was very supportive; getting regular massages; and setting up really strict boundaries between my personal life and my job. After my best friend died suddenly, though, I knew I could no longer deal with my own stress as well as the stress of my job, so I left the hospital for a less hectic position in a nursing home.

I've never regretted my hospital work, but I wouldn't be in a hurry to do it again, either!
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  #15  
Old November 14th, 2007, 15:35
RoxyMoron RoxyMoron is offline
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The worst thing about sudden deaths is you always hope you were on their good side. After one friend (more of an acquaintance I wanted to hang out with more) passed in a car accident I was told by a hateful girl that he disliked me (I'd never heard him say anything, I know for sure she did!). It may/may not have been true but I know he spoke to me wholeheartedly once about the same crowd she hung out with. It had been over a year or so since I talked to him when the accident occurred (on the very day I came back from out of state after 8 months and hoped to see more of his band).
At his funeral, all I could hope was that it all wasn't true or that he'd forgotten me by then, because then I could make my peace and not feel like he would have hated that I attended.
When you feel like you can't make up for something in the past and you never get that chance, that is the worst feeling about sudden death.
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  #16  
Old November 16th, 2007, 11:09
reviewer reviewer is offline
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A friend of mine died suddenly at the age of 21. The shock was so bad that I was in terrible physical pain. I thought that I was dying, too. It was a horrible thing to go through and I regret I didn't know to stop what happened, since it was preventable.
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  #17  
Old December 4th, 2007, 22:10
RoxyMoron RoxyMoron is offline
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I know just how you feel. Last year just after each of the two deaths, I constantly felt nauseous and couldn't eat, but I was too busy to really let it get me any worse than that. In a way, I appreciate the fact that I had too much work to let myself get torn up... but sometimes I still think about it and get headaches.
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  #18  
Old December 7th, 2007, 08:13
dukettemom dukettemom is offline
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i've been thru the sudden, unexpected loss.....

my father went to work one morning, had a heart attack and died. He was 39. I was 16.

i can't even put into words how devastating that was to our whole family. it was a nightmare that we couldn't wake up from.

that was 30 years ago, now, and my cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. still talk about the loss and shock, and missing him still. He should still be with us. My boys should have known him. I still can't talk about him, or write about him without crying.
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  #19  
Old December 9th, 2007, 20:25
ginahunt3 ginahunt3 is offline
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I have lost a no fewer than 5 good friends to murder, 1 of my husbands brothers passed in may after a kidney transplant 15+ yrs. ago which left him disabled, another brother in law passed in 2001, from AIDS, but I think the hardest was my Grandma who at 83 was in pretty good health. She went to the hosp. with back pain & got a call in the middle of the night that we needed to get there, she wasn't going to make it. We knew she had an aortic aneuyrsm, but the Dr. said it wasn't to worry about. Was he ever wrong. I will never forget the look in her eyes, confusion & fear. They put her to sleep and removed the life support. I don't think I will ever forget it.
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  #20  
Old December 10th, 2007, 20:14
RoxyMoron RoxyMoron is offline
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Gina, it seems you've experienced loss on a regular basis...how frightening...out of curiosity, what area do you live in? I just find it shocking how many people you've lost in those ways...I grew up in a big city where death was an every day thing. I was only 7 when one night I decided to sleep on the couch under a window facing an intersection. The next morning there was a news story, someone was shot there. Had I simply sat up, I could have seen everything. Now that I'm in a smaller area, I tend to know people and loss comes unexpectedly and harsher for me.
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