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  #1  
Old December 14th, 2008, 18:54
poojane poojane is offline
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Default I can't stop wanting to know every detail

He was 63 yrs old. He was bipolar. He was my first love. My first everything. He was my first husband and the father of my children. He left us 40 yrs ago. We lost touch, then in 05 we found him. He and I talked so much over the last few yrs. I forgave him for leaving us.
Then on Halloween morning of this yr. his neighbor shot him in the head. He died Nov. 1. I see it over and over again even though I was not there. I don't know where to turn with this. No one can understand that what he did so long ago doesn't matter anymore. The only thing that matters is his death. Can't turn to family they wouldnot approve. So I feel that I am walking in circles trying to share but no one is there. I read over and over the article in the paper. I feel so strange I am looking for him everywhere yet I know that he is dead...
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  #2  
Old December 15th, 2008, 00:43
Dancer Dancer is offline
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poojane,

I'm so sorry for your loss. What a shocking thing to happen to him. You should take some comfort in the fact that you forgave him for leaving all those years ago. And your right when it come right down to life and death issues some things just don't seem so important anymore. It's sad that you don't have any family support. I hope you'll stick around and let us help if we can.
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  #3  
Old December 15th, 2008, 12:35
poojane poojane is offline
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Thank you for your kind words. They truly do help. I plan on staying around I don't want to be alone with this, and one can only talk so much to others then they want to go on as if nothing is wrong. But it is all wrong and I hurt beyond all that has happened. Thanks again
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  #4  
Old December 16th, 2008, 13:01
Dancer Dancer is offline
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You're welcome. I look forward to reading more of your posts and hopefully offering whatever support I can.
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  #5  
Old December 21st, 2008, 00:16
poojane poojane is offline
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Default I thought I would give it a try

I thought that I would try by reaching out to the family. Told them that he had died and how. Sent it an not a word. How sad even though he was a nephew by marriage at one time. When he was praying for their daughter when she was ill then the message of thanks was sent. Now that he was murdered I get nothing. I guess there is always hope but it hurts just the same.
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  #6  
Old December 21st, 2008, 15:57
Dancer Dancer is offline
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That is quite sad. If thereís a time when we need family members to rally around itís at times like this. I hope you wonít let it get you down too much. You should take great comfort in the fact that you did the right thing in forgiving him. A lot of what goes wrong in our lives is not always someoneís fault. All too often it is simply down to circumstances. Take care of you and know that it is okay to give to yourself that which others fail to see you might need. Take a tip from me, go buy yourself some flowers and smile at the memory of him and his troubled life. Heís at peace now. Your job now is to take care of you.
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  #7  
Old December 30th, 2008, 01:58
Rachele Rachele is offline
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Sometimes people act differently in the way they choose to grieve. I was one to want to know exactly what happened when my mom died unexpectedly at 65. Before I could grieve, I ws researching and looking for information and tried to get my family together to talk. Sadly, every one chose to deal with the grief on their own. Some did in such unhealthy, non constructive ways. I couldn't get them to see what they were doing. I know how hard it is when there are no answers to someone's death. Leaves you without any closure and that complicates the grief process. Know you are not alone in how you feel. Hugs, Rachele
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Old December 30th, 2008, 22:52
poojane poojane is offline
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Default Thank you for you kind words!

I have taken the leap as it is said to involve some family members3 times now. I have heard from no one! These people would not be mourning him, but they are suppose to be my family and should be supporting me and his children and still nothing. I think right now I hurt more from this than the mourning of my first love. How can they just read the email about a murder and not respond??? I am going to have a very hard time when and if something happens to one of them. I truly don't know how I will handle it. I have worked very hard at letting go, forgiveness for the past, and now a pie in the face. I is not setting well at all. You could say as I have that they felt that way toward him for what he did to me so long ago because they loved me. So just where is that love now??? I don't understand any of this, God help me I don't.
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  #9  
Old December 31st, 2008, 17:25
Rachele Rachele is offline
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You are right, even if they are not mourning his death, your family should at least show concern toward you. They may not think it would have such an effect on you. That's possible, unless you let them know how much this hurts. It's so hard to when you think your family should be there and they are not. I know how much it hurts. I got angry with my family for ditching the family my mom treasured, before her death. She would never have wanted our family to be torn and turn their backs on one another. But that's exactly what happened. Never in a million years did I think this would happen to my family. I pleaded, yelled and cried to my siblings to please put aside things so we can be a family again. It was a year with no change until this Christmas, they heard me and all came together. It made me so happy. I don't know if it will last. Probrably not, there are some tensions among some members since mom passed that have not been resolved. I got one day and I have no choice but to remember and treasure that day. Sadly, the thing is we expect others to do and be what we would in similar circumstances but the reality is people do their own thing, make their own choices in life. You can only be responsible for you. If your family is not there for you, there is opportunity for you to find others here, on other sites, at a local church, bereavement support group. I have found many this way and found more understanding and support then I could ever get from my family. Only those going through a loss and pain know what it feels like. Surround yourself with people like that. A big hug to you from someone who understands. Rachele
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  #10  
Old January 5th, 2009, 01:50
Dancer Dancer is offline
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I wonder too if they know just how much this has effected you. Since there was problems in the past they may just not know what to say to you about him. Also it was rather shocking circumstances, maybe they are still in shock. Do you know for sure that they go your emails? I hope someone comes around soon, in more ways than one. Take care.
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