The Light Beyond Bereavement Forum Bereavement StoreMovieBlogSympathy Ecards
Kindness in another's trouble, courage in your own...

Go Back   The Light Beyond Bereavement Forums > Coping with grief > Grief recovery
Register FAQ Members List Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old April 9th, 2012, 14:24
cal821 cal821 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 470
Default Progression of Life.....Why we are forced to try and Let Go of our pain...

Just some rambling thoughts... Please feel free to read on and see if these musings on the subject strikes true with you..

As we all wander down our paths in this life..Unfortunate turns of events visit us at some point....Life basically is about learning, adapting to change and challenges in it's core essence.. From the first breaths from our birth we begin the path of change.. As we move forward through our life events that are both happy and sad.. we experience situations that force us to grow and to let go to move on to the next level... we don't forget that unhappy time but it becomes part of us.. our experience.. our life...if the progession isn't followed it can also become a double edged sword.....


Just some thoughts on this.... I post this not trying to be inflamatory in nature but only to raise questions in all that take the time to read this..

Thoughts on letting Go................

Letting go……. It is difficult for us in so many ways and on so many levels. Yet life calls upon us to do it, over and over again. Letting go is part of our growth process. We cannot move on to the new while continuing to cling to the old.

There come times in our lives,we are forced to deal with unhappiness in the context of love and romance, when we must learn to let go. For some of us…. we must let go of a past romantic relationship. Maybe the relationship was not meant to be: perhaps it was hurtful to us, or perhaps it was hindering the personal or spiritual growth of one or both partners.

In this case, even when there may still be feelings of passion, or attraction, or just the comfort of the familiar, we must be strong in letting go of something that is unhealthy for us. … Perhaps we have no problem leaving the person behind, but we continue to harbor animosity.

In this case, we need to let go of the anger: holding onto anger does not serve us - and it might even serve to create problems in our physical health or emotional well-being. … In the realm of romantic relationships, some of us need to let go of unrealistic expectations.

Whether we have idealized a past relationship or just read too many romance novels, some of us need to let go of the myth of the perfect lover: the fantasy of a relationship that requires no work and just brings us "happily ever after." By letting go,… I’m not implying "to forget" or "to ignore." By all means, we should carry with us the happy memories and the lessons we have learned from our past relationships. However, we need to let go in the sense of releasing emotional baggage we may be carrying around with us, so that we may be open to, and present for, a new relationship.

Some of us have difficulty letting go of a friend or loved one who has passed away…. there are many stories of mothers who have lost a young child who never seem to cope with this loss, emotionally: they carry it with them for years, like a dark and ominous cloud that -- even on a sunny day - looms on the horizon.

Some Children can have as hard a time losing their parents, even when the parents have lived long and full lives. Often adult children who have lost a parent before working through interpersonal issues, or before having an opportunity to say goodbye, have difficulty letting go of unresolved issues or guilt. Sometimes we may need to go for some counseling or do a ritual (some act with personal meaning) to allow us to release these emotions.

Many of us have trouble letting go of old ways of viewing people who have been part of our lives for an extended period of time. They may be changing, and yet we do not let go of viewing them in the same way, and/or we try to discourage that change.
We refuse to let go of the labeling, categorizing, and pre-set expectations we have of those we know, and of ourselves. This seems particularly true of many parents of teenage or young adult children. Many parents have a difficult time letting go of them as children, and allowing them to grow up. It is hard for parents to make that transition from treating their children as kids, to treating them as adults and more like friends. Many of these same parents have trouble letting go of viewing themselves, primarily, in the role of parent. For instance, some mothers are afraid to let their kids become grownups, because they are afraid to let go of their own identity as "mother." They have become so identified with that one role, that they no longer are sure who they are, outside of that role.

When we refuse to let go of old ways of identifying and viewing ourselves and others, we hinder the growth and change that is occurring.

There is a saying: Let Go, Let God. For most, if not all, of us, the letting go that we most need to do is a type of surrender. We need to surrender to life, itself.

This means that we need to let go of our illusion that we actually can control most aspects of our lives. In many cases, rather than to fight "what is," we need to learn to accept and to be at peace…

Too many of us are trying to keep a tight grip on things that are out of our control. This is like trying to grip the water flowing in a river. Put your hands into the river. If you try to get the water by grabbing it and clenching your fists, it goes right out of your hands.

If you relax and open, gently cupping your hands, the water flows into your palms. By relaxing, opening, and trusting, we hold onto more of what is precious to us. By letting go, we actually allow more of the mystery of life to come in for us.

Thank you for taking time to read this...

I wish you peace

Cal821
__________________
Memory can only tell us what we were,
in the company of those we loved;
it cannot help us find what each of us, alone, must now become.
Yet no person is really alone;
those who live no more echo still within our thoughts and words,
and what they did has become woven into what we are.

I wish you peace and a level path on your journey...

Cal821

Last edited by cal821 : April 9th, 2012 at 15:21.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old October 28th, 2012, 18:41
cal821 cal821 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 470
Default

I thought I would bump this back up... Though I wrote this quite a ways back .. The message should still hit home for those of you reading this.. As always I wish only to help.. If my advice and logical approach to this process helps you then I have achieved which I have set out to do in helping you.. I read so many new posts of those new to the forums ... My heart breaks for you now new to your loss.. The heartache .. anguish.. pain and misery.. are still fresh an new... I wish I could make it all go away.. but unfortunately you have just started on your journey...

Information and knowledge are power... It brings light to where it feels there is none.. The power of choice to help yourself through the life changing times is what will set you free and be the key to ending your suffering ..

You alone hold that power of choice.. Live in the light or stay cycling through heartbreak and sorrow in the dark. An open mind that there is a choice to suffering un needlessly is all you really need..

I wish you peace


Cal821
__________________
Memory can only tell us what we were,
in the company of those we loved;
it cannot help us find what each of us, alone, must now become.
Yet no person is really alone;
those who live no more echo still within our thoughts and words,
and what they did has become woven into what we are.

I wish you peace and a level path on your journey...

Cal821
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old February 7th, 2015, 19:38
cal821 cal821 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 470
Smile

bump to top for re-read
__________________
Memory can only tell us what we were,
in the company of those we loved;
it cannot help us find what each of us, alone, must now become.
Yet no person is really alone;
those who live no more echo still within our thoughts and words,
and what they did has become woven into what we are.

I wish you peace and a level path on your journey...

Cal821
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 10:01.


Copyright 2017 The Light Beyond. Visit the main site at www.thelightbeyond.com