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  #1  
Old June 4th, 2012, 14:56
cal821 cal821 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 477
Default "Grief Is"

I wanted to share.. Not My Work but very insightful.......Maybe this puts things into a little more perspective for us..

Feel Free to Read On

Grief Is- Author Unknown


Grief is more than just a constellation of feelings in
response to a loss.

Grief does not fade with the passage of time. We do
not realize our losses in an instant; we realize them
over years. We do not get over it, but instead go
through it, not just once, but as many times as we do.

Through grief we honor our losses and weave them into
tapestries of our lives so we can stay connected with
all we have loved and still continue to live on at the
same time.

We do not honor the dead with funerals
alone; we honor them with our lives. Like love, grief
is timeless. Like love, you cannot predict exactly how
and when grief will manifest.

Grief changes form and eludes definition.

Grief is physical.

Grief sits on your chest, punches you in the gut,
squeezes your throat, winds everything up
breaking-point tight, and sucks the energy out of you.


Grief is holding your breath, or breathing fast and
shallow like a scared rabbit.

Grief is lazy and lethargic.

Grief is exhaustion that cannot sleep, hunger that
cannot eat, and tears that will not dry.

Grief makes you feel weak, hollow, and threadbare.

Grief is clenching your teeth until you have a
headache that will not go away.

Grief is feeling rundown and getting sick over and
over again.

Grief is feeling so lousy all the time that you cannot
tell whether you are sick or depressed.

Grief is a field of fog and distance where we wander
lost and aimless.

Grief is unexpected composure, lucidness, and
productivity that seem out of place.

Grief is rejecting the notion that someone is dead.

Grief is a calm sullen silence, a vacuum into which we
withdraw.

Grief is forgetting and then remembering again that
someone is really dead.

Grief is not being able to think about anything else.

Grief is dreaming about your loved one.

Grief is feeling their presence, seeing their face,
hearing their voice-even though they are dead-or being
frustrated because we cannot.

Grief is a protest, a temper tantrum, and a refusal to
give up without a fight over something that is already
gone.

Grief is an intense negotiation over events that have
already happened, a barrage of what-if's and
if-only's.

Grief is a hope turned backwards in time.

Grief is yelling at the beautiful sunrise because it
means time is abandoning your loved one.

Grief is a plea to undo what cannot be undone.

Grief is rejected offerings and ungranted prayers.

Grief is retracing the steps that led our loved one
from this world.

Grief is wanting to bear witness to and comfort the
pain and suffering they experienced.

Grief is feeling guilty because we did not stop death,
could not revert death, and cannot change death.

Grief is an accountability session.

Grief is damage control.

Grief is knowing we do not deserve to be alive any
more than our loved one deserves to be dead. Grief is
wondering why fate chose them and not us.

Grief is feeling guilty for moving on, guilty for
living, and guilty for enjoying life without them. Is
it irreverent to savor the foods they are no longer
here to enjoy? Is it disrespectful to have a good
belly laugh while mourning?

Grief is a sigh-a reluctant surrender to powers
greater than ours.

Grief is a radical depletion of will and inspiration.

Grief is throwing your hands up into the air and
collapsing onto the floor into despair.

Grief is unabashedly wailing and drowning in your own
snot and tears.

Grief is an inventory of what has been lost.

Grief is a dim spotlight that illuminates the void
where a life once was.

Grief is a fear that life is all there is and it is
not enough.

Grief is fear of living with the loss and losing more.
Grief clings to what we love as if every good-bye is
the last. The imagination has a field day turning
every early morning or late night phone call into a
death notice and every rush-hour delay into a fatal
accident.

Grief is examining every relationship, turning it
upside down, considering its loss, and mourning it,
before we venture to engage more deeply.

Grief is choosing to endure loneliness and despair
over facing the fear of further loss.

Grief is coming to terms with the fact that we will
all die someday whether we share life or experience it
alone.

Grief is the identity crisis that ensues when we lose
those who help define who we are, how we live, and how
we relate to one another. And now that they are gone,
are we still the person they helped define? How do we
live? How do we relate? Certainly it’s not the same. How
can I be a best friend if my best friend is dead? How
can I be a big sister if my little brother is dead?
How can I be a mother if I have no children left? How
can I be a son after my father dies? What am I to be
instead? Grief is an influx of freedom to re-create
the self as old expectations of who we once were fade.


Grief is sometimes a vow to fulfill wishes of the
dead.

Grief is panning through memories over and over
searching for jewels.

Grief is believing every pebble is a gem. Grief is
celebration.

Grief is saying thank you.

Grief is admitting that there was no gold in the pan.

Grief is a confession of regrets.

Grief is saying you are forgiven or forgive me.

Grief is saying God forgive you because I can't.

Grief is saying screw you for leaving me.

Grief is turning ordinary objects-a hairbrush, a note,
a pin- into sacred vestiges.

Grief is a moment frozen in time-a dead child's
bedroom that will never be cleaned, a shirt that will
never be washed, or a message on the answering machine
that will never be erased.

Grief is talking about your loved one again and again
and choosing to ignore those that roll their eyes.

Grief is avoiding the reminders and trying to forget.

Grief is clinging to the reminders and trying to
remember more.

Grief is recalling special moments and crying.

Grief is being able to remember the special moments
and smile instead of crying.

Grief is having a friend of your loved one pay a visit
and realizing after they leave that there was more to
your loved one than you ever knew.

Grief is being inspired to carry out the acts of
beauty and kindness that your loved one is no longer
here to deliver.

Grief is buying lunch for the homeless man you
normally ignore and sitting with him to eat because
you know it is something your loved one would have
done.

Grief is understanding your loved one more by being
more like them.

Grief is understanding that you can still get to know
someone even after they are dead.

Grief is wondering where your loved one really is and
if they can see you, hear you, or read your mind.
Grief is waving or calling to them just in case.

Grief is forging signs and symbols to replace the
words you can no longer share.

Grief is knowing the rainbow that should now
scientifically exist on a Cloudy day is a message to
you saying "I exist."

Grief is hearing that special song on the radio and
knowing your loved one is with you.

Grief is sitting in bed crying in the middle of the
night saying God I miss you. Please, if you are there,
give me a sign and hearing a bird sing a happy tune in
the darkness and knowing that song was your answer.

Grief is discovering pieces of what was lost in places
you do not expect.

Grief is looking at the sunset and knowing it is extra
beautiful because your loved one is a part of it and a
part of Creation than the scope of your contemplation.

Grief is grasping opportunities to connect, to share,
and to care that you might have otherwise left for
tomorrow because you are ever mindful now that there
may be no tomorrow.

Grief is being able to distinguish better what is
really important and meaningful after all is said and
done and choosing to do more of it.

Grief is the yearning, the reaching, and the
unrequited love that hides behind our losses.

Grief is a tribute to the depth of your love

I hope this helps some of the newer folk here realize they are not crazy, nor alone in this horrible journey none of us asked for.


I wish you Peace and Hope..


Cal821
__________________
Memory can only tell us what we were,
in the company of those we loved;
it cannot help us find what each of us, alone, must now become.
Yet no person is really alone;
those who live no more echo still within our thoughts and words,
and what they did has become woven into what we are.

I wish you peace and a level path on your journey...

Cal821

Last edited by cal821 : June 7th, 2012 at 11:24.
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  #2  
Old June 4th, 2012, 16:13
hazelharris hazelharris is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,143
Default

hi dave thank you for this post it's most extrordinarily accurate every single word of it.
i said yes thats true on every one i read i hope it helps others to realise that all the mixed feeling we go through and as we have just read there are many are all part of our grief
thanks love hazelxxxxxx
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  #3  
Old June 5th, 2012, 10:49
cal821 cal821 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 477
Default Thank you Hazel

I had happened across this and found it truly rang true... In seeing this I thought I would post for those new to the forum to see ... they are not crazy in what they are going through and they are definitely not alone...


Take care and thank you for your comments

Cal821( Dave)
__________________
Memory can only tell us what we were,
in the company of those we loved;
it cannot help us find what each of us, alone, must now become.
Yet no person is really alone;
those who live no more echo still within our thoughts and words,
and what they did has become woven into what we are.

I wish you peace and a level path on your journey...

Cal821

Last edited by cal821 : June 6th, 2012 at 18:14.
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  #4  
Old June 5th, 2012, 12:01
gumek gumek is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 746
Default going through one at a time

Quote:
Originally Posted by cal821 View Post
Came across this and wanted to share.. Not My Work but very insightful.......Maybe this puts things into a little more perspective for us..

Feel Free to Read On

Grief Is- Author Unknown


Grief is more than just a constellation of feelings in
response to a loss.

Grief does not fade with the passage of time. We do
not realize our losses in an instant; we realize them
over years. We do not get over it, but instead go
through it, not just once, but as many times as we do.

Through grief we honor our losses and weave them into
tapestries of our lives so we can stay connected with
all we have loved and still continue to live on at the
same time.

We do not honor the dead with funerals
alone; we honor them with our lives. Like love, grief
is timeless. Like love, you cannot predict exactly how
and when grief will manifest.

Grief changes form and eludes definition.

Grief is physical.

Grief sits on your chest, punches you in the gut,
squeezes your throat, winds everything up
breaking-point tight, and sucks the energy out of you.


Grief is holding your breath, or breathing fast and
shallow like a scared rabbit.

Grief is lazy and lethargic.

Grief is exhaustion that cannot sleep, hunger that
cannot eat, and tears that will not dry.

Grief makes you feel weak, hollow, and threadbare.

Grief is clenching your teeth until you have a
headache that will not go away.

Grief is feeling rundown and getting sick over and
over again.

Grief is feeling so lousy all the time that you cannot
tell whether you are sick or depressed.

Grief is a field of fog and distance where we wander
lost and aimless.

Grief is unexpected composure, lucidness, and
productivity that seem out of place.

Grief is rejecting the notion that someone is dead.

Grief is a calm sullen silence, a vacuum into which we
withdraw.

Grief is forgetting and then remembering again that
someone is really dead.

Grief is not being able to think about anything else.

Grief is dreaming about your loved one.

Grief is feeling their presence, seeing their face,
hearing their voice-even though they are dead-or being
frustrated because we cannot.

Grief is a protest, a temper tantrum, and a refusal to
give up without a fight over something that is already
gone.

Grief is an intense negotiation over events that have
already happened, a barrage of what-if's and
if-only's.

Grief is a hope turned backwards in time.

Grief is yelling at the beautiful sunrise because it
means time is abandoning your loved one.

Grief is a plea to undo what cannot be undone.

Grief is rejected offerings and ungranted prayers.

Grief is retracing the steps that led our loved one
from this world.

Grief is wanting to bear witness to and comfort the
pain and suffering they experienced.

Grief is feeling guilty because we did not stop death,
could not revert death, and cannot change death.

Grief is an accountability session.

Grief is damage control.

Grief is knowing we do not deserve to be alive any
more than our loved one deserves to be dead. Grief is
wondering why fate chose them and not us.

Grief is feeling guilty for moving on, guilty for
living, and guilty for enjoying life without them. Is
it irreverent to savor the foods they are no longer
here to enjoy? Is it disrespectful to have a good
belly laugh while mourning?

Grief is a sigh-a reluctant surrender to powers
greater than ours.

Grief is a radical depletion of will and inspiration.

Grief is throwing your hands up into the air and
collapsing onto the floor into despair.

Grief is unabashedly wailing and drowning in your own
snot and tears.

Grief is an inventory of what has been lost.

Grief is a dim spotlight that illuminates the void
where a life once was.

Grief is a fear that life is all there is and it is
not enough.

Grief is fear of living with the loss and losing more.
Grief clings to what we love as if every good-bye is
the last. The imagination has a field day turning
every early morning or late night phone call into a
death notice and every rush-hour delay into a fatal
accident.

Grief is examining every relationship, turning it
upside down, considering its loss, and mourning it,
before we venture to engage more deeply.

Grief is choosing to endure loneliness and despair
over facing the fear of further loss.

Grief is coming to terms with the fact that we will
all die someday whether we share life or experience it
alone.

Grief is the identity crisis that ensues when we lose
those who help define who we are, how we live, and how
we relate to one another. And now that they are gone,
are we still the person they helped define? How do we
live? How do we relate? Certainly itís not the same. How
can I be a best friend if my best friend is dead? How
can I be a big sister if my little brother is dead?
How can I be a mother if I have no children left? How
can I be a son after my father dies? What am I to be
instead? Grief is an influx of freedom to re-create
the self as old expectations of who we once were fade.


Grief is sometimes a vow to fulfill wishes of the
dead.

Grief is panning through memories over and over
searching for jewels.

Grief is believing every pebble is a gem. Grief is
celebration.

Grief is saying thank you.

Grief is admitting that there was no gold in the pan.

Grief is a confession of regrets.

Grief is saying you are forgiven or forgive me.

Grief is saying God forgive you because I can't.

Grief is saying screw you for leaving me.

Grief is turning ordinary objects-a hairbrush, a note,
a pin- into sacred vestiges.

Grief is a moment frozen in time-a dead child's
bedroom that will never be cleaned, a shirt that will
never be washed, or a message on the answering machine
that will never be erased.

Grief is talking about your loved one again and again
and choosing to ignore those that roll their eyes.

Grief is avoiding the reminders and trying to forget.

Grief is clinging to the reminders and trying to
remember more.

Grief is recalling special moments and crying.

Grief is being able to remember the special moments
and smile instead of crying.

Grief is having a friend of your loved one pay a visit
and realizing after they leave that there was more to
your loved one than you ever knew.

Grief is being inspired to carry out the acts of
beauty and kindness that your loved one is no longer
here to deliver.

Grief is buying lunch for the homeless man you
normally ignore and sitting with him to eat because
you know it is something your loved one would have
done.

Grief is understanding your loved one more by being
more like them.

Grief is understanding that you can still get to know
someone even after they are dead.

Grief is wondering where your loved one really is and
if they can see you, hear you, or read your mind.
Grief is waving or calling to them just in case.

Grief is forging signs and symbols to replace the
words you can no longer share.

Grief is knowing the rainbow that should now
scientifically exist on a Cloudy day is a message to
you saying "I exist."

Grief is hearing that special song on the radio and
knowing your loved one is with you.

Grief is sitting in bed crying in the middle of the
night saying God I miss you. Please, if you are there,
give me a sign and hearing a bird sing a happy tune in
the darkness and knowing that song was your answer.

Grief is discovering pieces of what was lost in places
you do not expect.

Grief is looking at the sunset and knowing it is extra
beautiful because your loved one is a part of it and a
part of Creation than the scope of your contemplation.

Grief is grasping opportunities to connect, to share,
and to care that you might have otherwise left for
tomorrow because you are ever mindful now that there
may be no tomorrow.

Grief is being able to distinguish better what is
really important and meaningful after all is said and
done and choosing to do more of it.

Grief is the yearning, the reaching, and the
unrequited love that hides behind our losses.

Grief is a tribute to the depth of your love

I hope this helps some of the newer folk here realize they are not crazy, nor alone in this horrible journey none of us asked for.


I wish you Peace and Hope..


Cal821
hi dave, spot on once again, i'm very surprized how these things are coming forth from deep within me, not all as yet but i recognise some of them.

i'm not a new one here but if we think we have made it how wrong we can be, i thought that i was well on the way to recovery, i am always hard on myself, thats gotta change hasn't it love? I am very thankful for all your help dave and also to all our friends on this forum.

chrissie.
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  #5  
Old June 5th, 2012, 17:03
cal821 cal821 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 477
Default You are most welcome Chrissie

I'm glad that I can post things that help.. It makes me feel better to know it is more than just relating to the pain someone is going through in their loss and the grief cycle.. It means volumes to know I have been able to post my work or others that hits home or touches a cord in people who are hurting.. I liken it to paying forward the kindness that was shown to myself in my early part of the grief cycle when everything was raw and fresh.. I had someone who helped me with their kind words, understanding and empathy for my pain.. Paying that forward to those in need is working on completing the cycle of your own pain and suffering.


I can only hope I can continue to give that here for you all..

Take care and thank you for your comments.. I'm glad it was able to help you.

Cal821( Dave )
__________________
Memory can only tell us what we were,
in the company of those we loved;
it cannot help us find what each of us, alone, must now become.
Yet no person is really alone;
those who live no more echo still within our thoughts and words,
and what they did has become woven into what we are.

I wish you peace and a level path on your journey...

Cal821

Last edited by cal821 : June 6th, 2012 at 18:15.
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  #6  
Old June 6th, 2012, 17:41
sdk sdk is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: goshen, new york
Posts: 161
Default

Cal,
just finished reading and crying through your post. I think this has been the most profound, truthful and compassionate post I have read on this forum. It made me realize what the true meaning of grief is and what we are all going through, the ups and downs, sadness, loneliness is what grief is and is part of the process.
Thank you for putting into words what I think some of us cannot express and bring those feelings to the surface. This is something I will read whenver I need meaning in all that has happened.

Love,
Sherylxxxxx
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  #7  
Old August 23rd, 2012, 16:07
cal821 cal821 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 477
Default

Thank you Sheryl..

Cal821
__________________
Memory can only tell us what we were,
in the company of those we loved;
it cannot help us find what each of us, alone, must now become.
Yet no person is really alone;
those who live no more echo still within our thoughts and words,
and what they did has become woven into what we are.

I wish you peace and a level path on your journey...

Cal821
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  #8  
Old August 24th, 2012, 03:15
kas1946 kas1946 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 36
Default

Thank you so much Cal821 for not only this post, but all of them. I lost my mom less than 6 months ago just after turning 34. She was my best friend, my heart, and soulmate. She was such a sweet, kind and giving soul whom I watched struggle to stay a part of life and to live as she suffered from chronic health issues and pain. My identity became very wrapped up in her bcuz not only was I so close to her, I helped take care of her. Her death was a complete shock, as she seemed to be doing a little better in general. I have extreme guilt bcuz her and I were supposed to go shopping together that day and I had to cancel bcuz I was sick, which is also why I didn't rush up to the hospital that night until it was too late. I spoke to her on the phone as the paramedics arrived at her house and didn't say any of the right things, not even getting to say I love you or ill come to the hospital. I'm a nurse and feel I should have known this time was different. I don't have anyone in my life that understands my pain except for my dad. My boyfriend, friends, even sister think I should be ok by now. The pain is still unbearable and I want nothing more than to be able to call her or see her each day. I feel alone. I am seeing a grief counselor but it only helps so much. Thank you, you have been helping me survive. God bless, Kristy
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  #9  
Old August 24th, 2012, 10:40
cal821 cal821 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 477
Default You are most certainly welcome... Kristy...

Kristy.. I wish to say I'm very sorry to hear of your Mom's Loss..

Thank you for your kind words... I"m glad what I have posted in regards to my personal thoughts and information has or is helping you..
When I first stumbled upon the forum here... I read so many stories of people stuck in their pain... so many people that were suffering un-needlessly.. they just needed to be shown.. They have the power of choice and there is information out there to empower them... There was hope... more than just words.. I think what it comes down to is when we lose a loved one we get stuck in the "Why did this Happen" cycle... As I have said in many of my posts.. The why isn't the question that really needs to be answered immediately for most people.. The pieces of the puzzle will fall into place in their given time.. I think honestly it is the "What Do I do Now?" the common thread is .... that we don’t need an explanation just right this second... What we do need in that time is encouragement. Not an explanation. Explanations don’t encourage us..... . What do I do now? What’s next? What are my first steps?
Everybody here just wants to regain some sense of normalcy( if that is ever entirely possible) in our lives after or deep loss...If my words can be a small light for those feeling lost in the dark to guide by...
I'm just very happy that I could help.... even if it in just a small way with words of encouragement.

Kristy I want to say in closing please.... feel free to express what your going through.. Talking .. writing.. ranting about the day to day struggle is a cathartic release in a way self healing.. We are hear to listen.. and you are not alone..
and even though your Mom can't be with you physically.. she will always be there in spirit.. watching over her little girl.. and she is always there especially when you need her the most.. Talk to her she can hear you... She is right there even though you can't see her physically .. sending you her love..


I wish you peace for your broken heart Kristy... It's all going to be alright..

Trust me...


Cal821
__________________
Memory can only tell us what we were,
in the company of those we loved;
it cannot help us find what each of us, alone, must now become.
Yet no person is really alone;
those who live no more echo still within our thoughts and words,
and what they did has become woven into what we are.

I wish you peace and a level path on your journey...

Cal821
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  #10  
Old September 25th, 2013, 23:53
cal821 cal821 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 477
Default

bump to the top.. Hopefully this will help some of you newly bereaved to put what your going through into context.

I wish you Peace

Cal821 ( Dave )
__________________
Memory can only tell us what we were,
in the company of those we loved;
it cannot help us find what each of us, alone, must now become.
Yet no person is really alone;
those who live no more echo still within our thoughts and words,
and what they did has become woven into what we are.

I wish you peace and a level path on your journey...

Cal821
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