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Old February 13th, 2014, 14:36
MrsFra MrsFra is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 2

Hi, this is my first post. I completely understand how your feeling right down to knowing that you're thinking how could anyone feel what I feel cause they didn't lose what I lost! My husband better yet best friend was robbed and killed just about 5 months ago, 4 days shy of our 4th wedding anniversary. It's hurts a lil more everyday. I have a hole in my heart that feels as if it is getting deeper as the days and holidays keep passing. I have a big family and 3kids with him, but to be honest all the people in the world don't amount to him. I still feel lonely no matter how many people are there. The only time u really feel somewhat normal is at church, guess that's when he feels closest.
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Old February 13th, 2014, 16:37
cal821 cal821 is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 477
Default I very sorry for your loss HannahD and MrsFra

Please know that where you are now will not ever be the same place you will be in time to come.. This period of time .. the Hellish Limbo you walk and live in now is a temporary stage.. It will change and transform.. morph over time.. Losing a spouse is one of the greatest blows anyone can deal with.. Those of us here who have also lost our spouse our best friend and soul-mate know a loss that bears a vast difference than any other loss.. Not that it is worse .. just completely different.. than a parent a pet or a sibling or friend.. When we bond with our spouse that soul commitment is on a different frequency than the ones we have with our best friend, parent,pet or family members.. we grieve differently with each and any other significant loss..due to the fact each relationship and the the interaction and contribution each other relationship brings to our life is different and to another level.. as I said neither greater or lesser.. just different in the the contributions that relationship brought to our life.

When you speak with other widows here they can instantly relate to the hell you walk in now.. the searing pain and day to day pain and anguish that has come into your life.. Grief is an unwelcome house-guest who has entered you daily life and will stay entrenched if you let it...

Many people have different thoughts on recovery and surviving this hell.. I myself have written and posted many articles here on an objective point of view for recovery.. The bottom line is you are the only one who truly knows the depths of the pain and misery you suffer in your loss.. Everyone's grief is completely subjective .. there are no right or wrong answers in getting through this time... In my writings I try to put the information up for people to read.. take what information or techniques work for them and use whatever they can to rebuild again..

You will survive this hellish time even though it feels you can't.. It will take time to start the cycle of rebuilding after your deep loss... Just try to remember your dear husband is always with you in spirit and has only left in a physical sense.. he is always looking over you and proud of your stamina and resolve to get through.. This time of destruction and loss will steel you... you will become stronger and set the foundation to rebuild.. you will see there is a method to the madness and in time you will see the reason for this pain and misery as you learn to cope and release your husband's physical presence.
It will all work out...and in time as you move down the path in this new unexpected and unwanted journey alone you will come to higher ground and see the lay of the land before you.. and where you were and were you will be going to..

Feel free to read some of my posts... they may give you some insight to starting the new path.. I offer no shortcuts of quick fixes just some objective thought on recovery and rebuilding after your great loss.

I wish you peace for both your shattered hearts HannahD and MrsFra.. you have come to a place of kindred spirits ... You will find solstice and strength here as well as empathy and compassion for your tattered soul.

Memory can only tell us what we were,
in the company of those we loved;
it cannot help us find what each of us, alone, must now become.
Yet no person is really alone;
those who live no more echo still within our thoughts and words,
and what they did has become woven into what we are.

I wish you peace and a level path on your journey...

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Old February 13th, 2014, 20:21
j's daughter j's daughter is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 406

Mrs. Fra, I am so very sorry for your loss and the pain you are carrying. Such a horrible way to lose someone you loved! I wish I had magic words that would undo what has happened, give you back what you've lost, take away your pain. There is no such magic.

Know that there are people here who care, who will listen, who want to support you through what must be a very dark and lonely time.

Pain is pain, and it's too soon and not fair for any of us to lose anyone at all, no matter who or when or how they slip away from us.

You are in my thoughts, Mrs. Fra. I care.

Last edited by j's daughter : February 13th, 2014 at 20:41.
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Old February 13th, 2014, 20:57
j's daughter j's daughter is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 406

Message deleted by J's daughter.

Last edited by j's daughter : March 14th, 2014 at 11:52.
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Old February 15th, 2014, 10:50
HannahD HannahD is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 16

MrsFra… I am so very sorry for your loss. I will say, the people on this list who have reached out to me have provided me comfort. I hope you too are comforted by their words. They will mean the world.

To all that have taken the time to respond, thank you. You're the light that I've felt I do not see. You've offered such warm and heartfelt words that I can't help but feel hope that each day I go through this I will get a little stronger. I pray that I do.

I look at where I am now and know that something has to change. I need to get involved in volunteering or something that will set my mind to something else besides these feelings I am feeling. There has to be a way to find hope and comfort daily. As I've said… if not I don't feel I can make it through this. The pain is too great and the loss too large.

Each of you have written precious and healing messages. I appreciate this more than my written words show.

Love to each of you.
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Old February 15th, 2014, 11:10
j's daughter j's daughter is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 406

Hannah, thank you for your kind words.

I think we begin to look up from our own grief a minute at a time when we're ready to do that. In early days, it might feel as if we can't cry enough tears, as if the supply of tears within us is endless. We feel so very alone.

And then somehow we take a breath. Crying is too painful to go on doing that for a lifetime, although the "missing" doesn't ever go away. Our way of dealing with our own personal loss ... that is unique to each of us. The manner of dealing with loss, the timing of it, is ours because the loss is ours.

Somehow, each of us in our own time and in our own way, find an end to the pain, and find the will and the manner to go on. For me, it was someone's observation on this forum that our loved ones would not want to be the cause of our forever pain, that they deserved better than that, deseved to see us smiling again.

I do believe you will find your way. You've been caring enough to share your pain here. You will lift your head, and lift your spirit, and take your first small step back into the light. I believe in you.
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Old March 8th, 2014, 21:07
Chaka Chaka is offline
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 46

Originally Posted by HannahD View Post
I thank each of you who responded to my post. It is of comfort to know others care and are willing to take the time from each of your days to help someone.

I cannot bear the days without my husband. He is my brightest light and brought me great joy and happiness. We were inseparable. We finished each other's sentences. Pointed at each other at random and very spontaneous and said "you're the one!". It was heartfelt and heartwarming. I miss him so much and feel I will never be me again. The loss is too deep and cuts like a knife.

Many times I thought of leaving this life of sadness because I just can't bear not having my husband here. Yet… I am afraid to take my own life and I have our kids (cats) to take care of. They are depending on me. Who would they have?

I cry each day and beg for comfort from the pain. It doesn't come. I wish it would. I know people say time will heal. Yet I feel nothing will. That I shall always feel this way. Broken.

With love to each,
Hi Hannah,

I'm right there with you, but 17 months in. I'm so sorry. I remember being where you are and it hurts sooooo much. There is no pain like it in the whole wide world. I wish I could bring him back for you. I wish death did not have to happen. You are not alone. I feel your pain and I'm sorry.
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