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  #11  
Old January 13th, 2008, 18:40
willyable willyable is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rachele View Post
How can I grieve and find healing while my family is changing so fast? My mom died unexpectedly 4 months ago. It was the most difficult thing I have ever dealt with in my life. Every day is different, meaning some days I feel more emotional pain than others. Today is one of those days. My family is adding to the pain I already feel. My Dad is so alone without my mom, that he is looking for companionship from other women. My sister is concerned and upset with my father's will. I can't stand it anymore. I do not want to deal with these issues right now. The holidays are hard enough as it is. I just want to grieve for my mom and find some peace and healing. How can I when my Dad is looking for someone and my sister worrying about loosing my parents'house when my Dad dies?
You are going to have to find peace on your own. You are going to have to disconnect yourself from the negativity and try to heal on your own. Thats the only way you are going to be able to find peace without having a nervous break down.
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  #12  
Old January 13th, 2008, 20:35
Rachele Rachele is offline
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Angry My life has changed how can I find peace?

Nothing but pain in my heart. My father continues to actively look and date other women. What's worse is he shares these things with me and my sisters like he would a friend. My mom would have just celebrated her 66th birthday and my dad was out having a great time so he tells me. I have told him I do not mind him going out but I do mind another woman coming into the house that was my mom's after only 5 months. He does not seem to get it. It hurts because I am grieving my mom's loss and do not wish to here or see another woman in my mom's kitchen and so forth. I find it disrespectful to my mom's memory as well as to us, her children. I just don't know how to deal with this.
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  #13  
Old January 13th, 2008, 23:02
ginahunt3 ginahunt3 is offline
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Rachele, I don't think your dad is trying to hurt you by dating. I think he may be mad at your mom for "abandoning" him. He may also be trying to mask his pain & lonliness by companionship with other women. When my grandmother died, my grandfather had the whole family go over that same afternoon (she died at 6:07 a.m.) & get her clothes "the hell out" to use his words. Then a few weeks after the funeral we all had to go back to get knick knacks & other household items (she loved gazebos & other decorations & she had lots of them). I got very upset about it because I felt he was trying to erase her very existence & forget she ever lived. He still gets like that sometimes, he's usually jolly but during these times he is mad at the world. Anyway, please don't be angry with him, I think he is dealing with it the best way he can right now. Just imagine what it must be like spending most of your adult life with the love of your life only to have them torn away in the blink of an eye. If you ever want to talk just send me a message & I will get back to you.
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  #14  
Old January 14th, 2008, 07:21
AmyJoyce AmyJoyce is offline
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Rachele, have you asked him why he is doing this? I often find that if you can understand someone's intentions for doing something it makes it a lot easier to understand and hence deal with.

I am sure his intentions are not to hurt you or your family, or to dishonor the memory of your mother. They are more probably down to loneliness, or not wanting to be alone because it makes him think of his loss. Perhaps he is telling you about what he is doing because he wants to reassure you that he is (or is going to be) OK and he doesn't want you to worry about him? Difficult to say without knowing him, of course.

Thinking of you,
Amy
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  #15  
Old January 16th, 2008, 07:59
willyable willyable is offline
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Like it was stated before, people are different and I think that we go through our own way of mourning. To others it may not be the right way but it's OUR way. What can you say some people find it hard to be alone while going through something so major like a loss.
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  #16  
Old January 16th, 2008, 18:44
ginahunt3 ginahunt3 is offline
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Rachele, I just thought of another example that may be more appropriate. My Grandma died October 8th 2005. My grandparents used to go to dinner dances alot, in March of 2006, grandpa got an invitation to a friend of theirs 90th birthday party. He didn't want to go. The rest of the family convinced him to go & he enjoyed himself. What I'm trying to say is that when someone dies, you have to go on living. I know my grandma would have wanted him to.
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  #17  
Old January 16th, 2008, 20:56
Rachele Rachele is offline
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Angry My life has changed how can I find peace?

I have heard my father's feelings and have sought to understand but I do not think he understands my feelings, as a daughter who lost her mother. I have a real issue with hearing about these women, his encounters and him bringing them into the house to sit at my mom's dining room table and living room where her the very essence of her is all around. Her decorations, knicknacks everything she loved. He may be able to find a new companion but I will never have a new mother to share the things we did because we were close that way. Everyone seems to able to understand what he's doing is of but I do not. I feel it is insensitive not to see what me and my sisters are going through and on top of that, to want to bring another woman into a home we have only known our mother to be in 5 months after her death. I love my dad and want a relationship with him but I need him to respect and understand how I am feeling. If he wants to go out with women for companionship. Fine but don't bring them around me. I am not ready and he should understand and respect that.
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  #18  
Old February 7th, 2008, 13:58
jr_sci jr_sci is offline
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Its too hard to handle this situation.But your dad wants some partner in his old days to whom he can share his personal things.May be for that reason he is finding another woman.
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