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  #11  
Old August 24th, 2008, 16:02
bluebird bluebird is offline
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Lee - please try not to feel guilty for not being there when your father died. I don't believe he would want to add to your struggles with anxiety and depression. You said goodbye in your way, a lovely caring way, that's all we can do.
My mother died on June 23rd 2008 of cancer. She had told a carer that she did not want any of us to be there at the end [in case it was disturbing for us] - that was her wish. She in fact died [carers at her side] peacefully in her sleep.
I had seen her 2 days before and told her I loved her, kissed her, held her hand....she never stopped smiling at me during that visit and looked comfortable, was smiling as I left the room, then closed her eyes.

I was glad that was my last memory of her. I think she would be happy we shared peaceful and beautiful moments at the end.

There are no 'shoulds' and 'oughts' - we just do what we think is right and appropriate at the time, given the information we have at the time. Everyone has their own experience and grief - individual, different for everyone. You looked after yourself, which is what you needed to do for your own welfare. Being unwell would help noone.

I wish you the very best in the days to come, please look after yourself and know you have done nothing whatsoever to feel guilty about. x
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  #12  
Old August 25th, 2008, 12:47
Lee Lee is offline
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*edited for privacy reasons*

Last edited by Lee : June 10th, 2011 at 23:48.
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  #13  
Old September 12th, 2008, 18:03
allenennyl allenennyl is offline
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It will soon be a year ago that i lost my dad to liver and lung cancer both of which were secondary, we do not know where the primary was.
we got called over to the hospital, while we had got people in the house preparing for my dad to come home. Once we got to the hospital and saw mt dad it became obvious that he had not got much longer, and to see him fight for his breath was very hard. I took the choice that i could not sit and watch my dad pass away, so i decided that i woukd kiss him on the forehead say my goodbyes and leave the hospital.
It was at that point that the pallitive care nurse took us into a room to talk us through what was about to happen, which told me that i had made the right choice, but as she was talking us through this another nurse entered the room and told us that my dad had passed away.
i do not regret my choice and i know my dad would respect me for that.
You have no reason to feel guilty, the one thing your parents do is protect you and understand you.
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  #14  
Old September 14th, 2008, 11:43
Lee Lee is offline
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*edited for privacy reasons*

Last edited by Lee : June 10th, 2011 at 23:48.
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  #15  
Old November 11th, 2008, 19:23
susan susan is offline
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I stumbled across this forum while searching for information on grief over lossing a parent.

I do know somewhat how you feel. My father passed away two months ago September 6th and suffered from a catastrophic stroke that left him paralyzed.

We had to fly to COlorado to visit him and I stayed for two weeks. I did eventually return home with my brother in August and planned to go back. I told him when I left I would try to come back but if he decided it was time it was ok.

I never imagined how hard it would be to leave him in the hospital knowing there was a 90% change I would not see him ever again. The image of him staring off into space wishing we would not go still remainded.

I still wish I had stayed until september, but that's not how it worked out.
I try not to have regrets because I have cousins who never got to say goodbye, never got to hold their hand or tell them they loved them for one last time.

So try not to beat yourself up over not being able to be there.

We all have regrets. Try not to let it consume your life
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  #16  
Old November 25th, 2008, 09:11
Lee Lee is offline
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*edited for privacy reasons*

Last edited by Lee : June 10th, 2011 at 23:41.
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  #17  
Old November 25th, 2008, 14:17
Dancer Dancer is offline
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Hi! Lee,

Sorry for your loss but glad to hear that the guilt has lessened because it can take it's toll on us if we let it. Take care.
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  #18  
Old November 28th, 2008, 06:37
Lee Lee is offline
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Thanks, Dancer
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  #19  
Old December 14th, 2008, 23:45
Dancer Dancer is offline
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Hi! Lee,

Hope you're still popping in from time to time.
How are things? This time of year can be difficult for some.
I hope you have a lovely Christmas planned.
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  #20  
Old June 10th, 2011, 22:43
Lee Lee is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dancer View Post
Hi! Lee,

Hope you're still popping in from time to time.
How are things? This time of year can be difficult for some.
I hope you have a lovely Christmas planned.
Hi Dancer,

Sorry I never got to reply to you back in 2008. I haven't been back here since I started to feel a little better and didn't know you'd posted.

I still miss my dad of course, but I've been getting on with my life as best I can. It's not easy but I'm not doing too badly thank you.

I don't know if you still come here but I do hope you're doing OK, and thanks for asking about me

Lee xx

Last edited by Lee : June 10th, 2011 at 23:51.
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