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  #1  
Old April 1st, 2010, 21:53
Troy Troy is offline
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Default My Mom just passed away

I need help, Not coping well. My Mother just passed away Wednesday early morning, March 31. My Mother was disgnosed with terminal cancer in Febuary and apparently had cancer for years but went undetected. One day in Febuary my mother was complaining of chest pains so went to her primary care doctor, He said she had an infection and gave her cream to rub on her chest. It wasn't getting any better so went to the hospital had whole bunch of tests including pet scan. It came back as terminal lung cancer. My mother never smoked a day in her life. My Mother had breast cancer 10 years ago and beat that, doctors wasn't sure if her breast cancer had an impact on this terminal cancer. I love my mom more than anything on earth and my Mom's birthday is may 26th, so coping with her birthday right around the corner and won't be able to celebrate her birthday with her. She passed away Yesterday early morning.

This is absolutrely killing me inside. I miss my mom and need her. She was only 66. Why couldn't god give her more time. I've been a emotional wreck and can't imagine my life without her. The only thing I am hanging on to is the believe that when I die, I'll be reunited with my mom in the afterlife! I've to believe that. I did research this morning and came across articles about your life not being over when you die, You live on in the afterlife and reunited with all your family , friends etc. Does anyone believe that? That is my only hope and the only thing I am hanging on to. I need help more than you kno. This is unbearable, intolerable pain.
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To my Mother, You're my heart and soul. You'll never be forgotten. I love you so much!
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  #2  
Old April 2nd, 2010, 03:27
SR2000 SR2000 is offline
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I'm really sorry for your loss. Mu mum died, about 11 years ago when i was only 11 and im only just starting to realise i didnt deal with it and now it is causing me problems. I am only now just starting to go through the emotions of her death. I like to beleive there is an after life. I am not atall religeous, but i like to think shes in the room with me sometimes and that once i die she will be there waiting for me. You have to go through these emotions you are feeling, its gut wrenching, a hurt you cant describe and it really feels like the most unfair thing in the world. I get really angry at people who still have mothers, who go on about what their buying them for mothers day/ birthdays/ etc and the best thing ive got is memories. Time will go on, and you'll find a way to cope and your mums memory will always be with you. You will live your life to the fullest you can and then once its your time you'll be with her and there will be some much to catch up. If you need to talk just send me an email
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Old April 2nd, 2010, 08:17
Troy Troy is offline
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Thank you for responding! There are so many questions. Why my mom died a horrible death, why so close to her birthday. My mom is the sweetest woman, biggest heart, she didn't deserve to die like this. When my mom died my heart died. This pain is gut wretching, worse pain of my life. my mom always told me she needed me, well I need my mom. I understand about moving on we all do. I know my mom would want me to move on and be happy but how can I be happy when the most important person to me passed away! I watched my mom die right before my eyes and it's a pain that you can't even begin to describe. I can definitely use a friend now.
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To my Mother, You're my heart and soul. You'll never be forgotten. I love you so much!
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  #4  
Old April 2nd, 2010, 20:13
Pike Pike is offline
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HI Troy,
I'm really really sorry for the loss of your Mom! I too just lost my wonderful one of a kind 83 year old mom 01/29/10 at 3:13am while in hospice care. I went through the two weeks in ICU with her and, was there as she mercifully past from complications from deep vein thrombosis ( a blood clot broke loose from one of her veins in one of her legs damaging the main artery of her heart) her's like your wonderful mom's was painful to watch. I've leaned on my friends and family, co-workers anyone who I can take a moment to check my sanity with. All have said that no matter what I' m feeling, these feeling are totally normal. I can tell you that for the first month, nothing and no one made sense much because, of the huge shock and for how bad I felt. Acceptance of her passing, to me, gave me more relief than, the fear I was going to loose my mind did. My only advise is to go easy, be good to your self as both our moms would want us to, it takes time so, easy dose it! I too believe in the after life. This may sound crazy as heck. When I was with my mom in the ICU. She was under a light sedative and resting,,I was sitting by her bed with thoughts running through my mind of the past week and a half or so when, she woke up, looked at me and, was saying " It's Beautiful and nodding!" I'm believing she is there and is with the other family members that have past. She is happy and not in any more pain or suffering well, I'm praying for you and your family, remember to take this all slowly. Some days are and will be better than others
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Old April 2nd, 2010, 21:07
Troy Troy is offline
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Hi Pike,

Thank you! You said a few things that I needed to hear. The only thing I am holding on to is that someday when I die I'll be reunited with my Mom. I have to believe that, I'm so sorry about your mom , This is just hitting me so hard. I watched my my die such a horrible death. I was saying the same thing my mom is no longer in pain and suffering, just wished it wasn't my mom's time yet. Her Birthday is may 26th. I am praying for you and your family as well. Thank you and maybe we can chat and try to lift each other's spirit up.
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To my Mother, You're my heart and soul. You'll never be forgotten. I love you so much!
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  #6  
Old April 6th, 2010, 13:35
tinag tinag is offline
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Troy,

I completely understand what your going through. My dad passed away from Lung Cancer last August. I can tell you the only relief I had at the time was the feeling I had about my own death, it wasn't that I wanted to die, but that I had something to look forward to when I did. Lung Cancer is a horrible way to watch someone pass. I was with my dad for the two weeks. Those memories won't go away but you will slowly not think of them as much. The pain is unbearable now, I know, but hold on, it will slowly get better. Cry when you want, I usually did it in the shower or my drive to work. I actually gave myself permission to cry at those times because my family was so concerned about me. You have to just take care of yourself right now. Do what you absolutley have to, work, family, but if people offer to help you out just let them. If you don't feel like talking to people don't. I guess what I'm saying is do what you want. The ache in my heart is real too. I miss my dad so much. Talk to your mom out loud. I believe that they can hear us. I still hope everynight that I will have a dream about my dad. Anyway, keep coming here. It helped me out. I will keep you in my prayers. Peace be with you. Tina.
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  #7  
Old April 6th, 2010, 13:57
heathergirl heathergirl is offline
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I know EXACTLY how you are feeling. My Dad just passed away on palm sunday after finding out 3 weeks before that he had stomach and esophageal cancer. Thats how fast it was. It was horrible watching him suffer for like a month. He couldnt eat or drink anything, he had a feeding tube in his stomach, he puked every 2 minutes for a month, constantly had the hiccups, and then everything started going wrong. His kidney stopped functioning, the n liver, then the day he died he had a stroke and couldnt move his left side of his body. I held his hand with my mom and sisters while he died, we all got tpo tell him how much we loved him and that we will be ok, but he managed to tell us that he was scared and that he felt like crying, so it breaks my heart to know that. I have that excruciating pain that you have. Its UNBEARABLE!!!!!!!!! I just cant imagine the rest of my life without him.So sorry for your pain too, it sucks big time. But you are not alone.
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  #8  
Old April 9th, 2010, 03:40
clementine clementine is offline
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My father didn't believe in the afterlife and he died very suddenly in his sleep last year aged 56 , i never got to say bye or tell him things i wanted him to know i felt incredibly robbed by it all , going to the chapel of rest did not help as it didn't feel like him . About two month after it happened i had a dream very vivid which most of my dreams are but this was different, i got a hug from my father and i felt incredibly warm and happy, up until that point i hadn dreamt about him... i absolutely positively know that , that was him saying goodbye i have always been very sceptical of things like this proof of the afterlife but i have never had a dream that felt like that i was very sad when i woke up but the hug had felt real and i felt more at peace. I hope my father was pleasantly surprised by his next chapter and i fully intend on saying i told you so when i see him next. I'm so sorry for your loss right now the pain is so raw and nothing anyone can say will make it better, i can only say it does ease with time don't fight it or bury it the last thing any of our parents would have wanted was to see us hurting ourselves with grief. I found this site really helped and talking to strangers funnily enough does too stops you feeling so angry XXX
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  #9  
Old April 12th, 2010, 08:31
Darsa Darsa is offline
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I definitely can relate Troy! My mom died March 25th of Liver Failure, and never drank anything alcoholic to ANY extent that would cause it. She was a "champagne toast at a wedding" drinker, and that's about it. And she was 66, as well.

I know how much it hurts, and I know that the question foremost in my mind is WHY was she taken from us so soon?!?! Something I'm having a hard time with currently is seeing elderly people; especially those who're grouchy, crabby or umpleasant. I'm sure there's plenty of reasons they could have for being cranky, but my brain just fills with "well, you could be DEAD, like my mom!!!" And that's just killing me.

I hope that for both of our sakes, that we're able to find some solace and comfort, and be able to move on with our own lives. I personally plan to be the kind of person my mom would have wanted me to be... once I can get past the numbness and disbelief.

*hugs*
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  #10  
Old March 23rd, 2011, 11:57
Hanno_90 Hanno_90 is offline
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Default Same situation

Quote:
Originally Posted by SR2000 View Post
I'm really sorry for your loss. Mu mum died, about 11 years ago when i was only 11 and im only just starting to realise i didnt deal with it and now it is causing me problems. I am only now just starting to go through the emotions of her death. I like to beleive there is an after life. I am not atall religeous, but i like to think shes in the room with me sometimes and that once i die she will be there waiting for me. You have to go through these emotions you are feeling, its gut wrenching, a hurt you cant describe and it really feels like the most unfair thing in the world. I get really angry at people who still have mothers, who go on about what their buying them for mothers day/ birthdays/ etc and the best thing ive got is memories. Time will go on, and you'll find a way to cope and your mums memory will always be with you. You will live your life to the fullest you can and then once its your time you'll be with her and there will be some much to catch up. If you need to talk just send me an email
Hi, I know this is really late but I just came across your post when I was searching and what you've described sounds exactly like me. My mum died when I was 12 and now, 8 years later, its starting to affect me alot. I think it's because I didn't deal with it at the time, and so it didn't affect me much, maybe because of age. I get angry when people go on about their mums too especially at this age and older people, I can't even imagine what it would be like to have a mum now! She's definately still watching over me though
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