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  #31  
Old February 17th, 2011, 19:10
Data Data is offline
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Hi Ann-Rachel and Lizzy,

I'm that you're doing ok today Ann-Rachel. You have definitely come far in this journey that neither one of us was ready to take. I feel the same way that part of me died when my mother died. Saying that, I also know that our mothers like on in us as well. Sometimes I feel like I am just doing the minimal to function and other days I am making an effort. Today was a good day. My boyfriend and I went to get some groceries. We came back and really enjoyed a meal that prepared together. My mother always enjoyed preparing meals as well. There was nothing that she liked better than seeing someone enjoy a meal that she had lovingly prepared. I am the same way. I did feel badly that my mother wasn't here to enjoy the lovely weather that we had today.

It's not selfish to be grateful that you've come so far in these past two months. I would be the same way. I'm glad that you've come through that terrifying chapter. You are very helpful to everyone on here. I too have gone through hard times especially during the first few weeks. For me I'm not sure how I will be later on.

I share with my boyfriend, but it's not the same as sharing with my mother. It's not the same as having girl talk. My boyfriend is a wonderful support though and I know that I wouldn't be able to get through this without him. He's always there to listen to me and accepts that my emotions are very variable. I "talk to" my mother in my head quite often and sometimes wonder if she's able to hear me. It's so hard not being able to physically see her or hear any sort of response. I sometimes wonder exactly how much she sees of the everyday goings on of my life? Your mother was a strong woman who always made sure that she was there for her family. Your mother would be proud that you have come so far. You are a testament to her loving care. I do believe that you will emulate your mother and carry on living your life. Yes, think of today as a positive milestone.

How are you doing today Lizzy? Hope that you're doing well and that the weather were you are was sunny and bright. I find that the weather really does influence my moods.

Take care of yourselves.

Riann
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  #32  
Old February 18th, 2011, 06:00
Lizzylou Lizzylou is offline
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Dear Ann-Rachel & Riann
Well, its Friday & 7 weeks today since my mum passed, We really do all count the hours don't we?
Ann-Rachel, your previous post was very moving & touched me how you wrote about the closeness to your mum & how big she was in your life, it really made me cry. Probably because you said all the things that I feel, & the knowing that my mum lives on in me, "I carry her heart, I carry it in my heart" as the poem says.
I feel that life has taken on a different meaning, all of a sudden its like I've been let in on a secret, all the things that I used to think were important are now at the bottom of my list. People & family are now at the top, where they always should have been. It has taken something as devastating as this to make me realise I had let 'life' get in the way. I'm ashamed that I put housework, food shopping & chores ahead of my mum, I always had to do those things before I allowed myself the weekend off to go & visit my mum, what a stupid mistake. If I had my time with her again things would be so different, I hope she didn't think I was a selfish daughter. I knew she was lonely & had little company but I foolishley thought "next year I will visit her more" & next year never came.
I do however feel like you do Ann-Rachel, I am sort of slowly emerging from the early feelings & starting to make more of an effort, the grief is still very much there but it changes.
Riann, I'm so pleased you had a lovely dinner with your boyfriend, I know you needed a little something to boost you, you do sound a bit better.
My boyfriend invited his overseas colleague to stay with us last night & so I busied myself making a nice dinner & he was good company over a few glasses of wine.
Ann-Rachel I'm glad you got by your milestone, well done & thanks again to both of you for keeping me going.
Try to have a nice weekend, its the xfactor live tour for me so must put on a smiley face.
Take good care, (((hugs))) on their way to you both.
Lizzy x
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  #33  
Old February 18th, 2011, 06:57
STAR1177 STAR1177 is offline
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Hello,

I hope you don't mind me joining this conversation. I have been reading your posts and I can totally relate to how you are all feeling. To cut a long story short, I am 34 years old, I lost my biological mother when I was 4 months old to sudden death syndrome. After that happened my Mum's parents brought me up as their own child along with their 8 remaining children. I never really knew my biological father and sadly, he died 10 years ago. My Grandfather died 9 years ago and my dear Grandmother passed away a month ago tomorrow. I can't quite believe that I'm only 34 and all of this has happened. I have no blood siblings and to say I feel completely and utterly alone and lost is an understatement. I was extremely close to my Grandma and I just can't seem to grasp that this has happened. I just thought she would be here forever if that makes sense? I just wanted to say that I am experiencing all of the emotions that you guys are feeling, it's so very hard to lose our parents, especially when we are young. Take care xxx
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  #34  
Old February 18th, 2011, 07:52
annrachel annrachel is offline
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Hello Star.

You are more than welcome to join in with us, as is anyone who feels they can benefit joining our chats. I discovered this site when I was very sad, traumatised and confused. It quickly become such a life-line, as I found reading other people's account's, of their emotional journey's helped me make sense of my own. I have found an enormous comfort, in sharing my thoughts and emotions with the kind, non-judgemental, kindred spirits here.

I am so sorry to hear your story, it seems you have lost so many important, loved one's, life is so harsh. I remember too well how terribly hard those early days are, when you've lost a parent and my heart goes out to you. Hope that you are getting some support from your remaining uncles and aunties, although I understand sometimes it can be difficult to share your emotions with others so close, which is why this forum is here.

Please keep in touch, if you find it helps and I'm sure it will.

Thoughts are with you today X
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  #35  
Old February 18th, 2011, 08:45
Lizzylou Lizzylou is offline
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Hi star
I would just like to echo Ann-Rachels words, you're very welcome to join us, this forum is for everyone & we all support eachother as much as possible. I've found it immensely comforting, reading others stories & helping another through their bad time actually strengthens me. I'm so sorry you've now lost your grandma who was obviously a mother to you. It must be hard if you don't have blood siblings because no one else can feel like you do.
In my experience the first 5 /6 weeks were my darkest days but things do improve, truly. It can be hard to cope, I've got my first bereavement counselling session next Thursday, I feel I need to get a few things off my chest. Do you think its something that could help you? Mine is through CRUSE, they are a specialist charity, maybe look them up & see if they have branch near you.
I do hope you have a decent weekend, we'll all be here for you if you need a pick me up.
Take care
Lizzy x
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  #36  
Old February 18th, 2011, 09:56
Data Data is offline
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Hi Star,

You're welcome to join the conversation. Please don't feel like this conversation is restricted to just the three of us. Everyone is welcome to join. I'm so sorry that you've lost so many people with whom you were close. I don't know my father nor my half sister so I can relate to feeling alone and lost. I have a couple of uncles but I'm not really too close to them. One of my uncles has been helping me handle my mother's affairs and to go through her apartment. Yes, it makes perfect sense that you thought your grandmother would be around forever. I know that we all felt the same way about our parents. I've been so busy dealing with my mother's affairs and her apartment that I haven't had time to grieve. Just know that you are always welcome here. Please feel free to share your thoughts and feelings on here! We're here to support one another. I like Lizzy feel strengthened by supporting and helping others on here. My mother loved people and was always helping others as well as her family. I want to embody that spirit of giving. I hope that you have a good weekend. Take care of yourself!

(((Big hugs)))

Riann
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  #37  
Old February 18th, 2011, 11:49
annrachel annrachel is offline
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Hello Lizzy and Riann.

Thanks for your messages and understanding. It was hard to write my last last post, as I'm still not used to bearing my soul and am always conscious that I may cause offence through something I say. I know this is probably wrong but also aware that we are all so vulnerable and have heightened emotions just now, that I don't want to add to them in any way. Anyhow I was obviously worrying over nothing and now I'm rambling on!

I was sorry to hear about your drive home on Wednesday Lizzy. Grief really does hit at anytime. Although I think a good cry is often what we need, not sure it's such a good time when you are trying to drive 100 miles. At least you did make it home safely, thankfully. It seems that the shower and car are very popular locations to break down. Guess this is because we are often on our own then and we allow ourselves thinking time and consequently 'let go' of our emotions.

I feel for you Lizzy having to open your Christmas presents from your dear Mum, it will be a very bitter sweet. I would like to say, cherish the moment as it was one of the last loving things that your Mum did, specially for you. You have his last opportunity to open presents from your Mum, enjoy. I know it will be hard

I totally agree that we have all got caught up with life and have lost sight of what and who is most important. I have been aware of this in society for some time, yet it's still difficult to get off the 'rat run'. It is such a shame that this only becomes so clear to us following such bereavement. I do try to remind my friends to cherish everything important to them. Generally speaking though they still don't 'get it'. It's such a shame.

Yes I agree Riann it's not the same talking to our boyfriends' as with our Mum's and that's just one reason we miss them so much. But I'm so glad that we all have at least them in our lives, as some have nobody. It was lovely to hear what a good time you had with your boyfriend, shopping and cooking. You sounded as though you almost felt 'normal' for a while! That's progress

I hope that you both, and Star manage to have a good weekend. Lizzy have fun at the X Factor gig! It's the start of half term here so will have less time to be in touch with myself, as the children will be a constant distraction, hope I'm ready for that!

Thoughts are with you Star. Hope you keep posting and find support and comfort from all of us here. X

Catch up soon
Big (((hugs)))
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  #38  
Old February 18th, 2011, 16:02
Data Data is offline
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Hi Ann-Rachel, Lizzy and Star,

Please don't worry about offending anyone. You're just sharing your thoughts and feelings. You don't ramble at all Ann-Rachel.

Yes, I am thankful that we have our boyfriends in our lives because they are a wonderful support. Yes, I did almost feel "normal" that day. It's nice to have "normal" days like that. They are important because they help us realize that there is light even admist all of this darkness. Darkness cannot exist without the light.

Will I ever stop worrying about what it will be like when I'm no longer busy? I'm scared of everything hitting me at once and not being able to handle it. I worry about this constantly.

Today, a cousin helped me load his truck with things from my mother's apartment. He hauled it to the dump for me. I really appreciated his help. Afterwards I went downtown bought a book which is a fictionalized(but still based on someone actual experiences) account of someone who had polio during the polio epidemic. My mother had polio at the age of 7 in 1952 and struggled with it's effects and after effects throughout her entire life. I hope that reading it will help me to better understand what she went through even though the book takes places in 1937. Even though my mother had a hard time getting around she never lost her independence up until she had her heart attacks.

Do any of you wonder if our parents see what's going on in our lives, if they hear us when me talk to them? I often "talk" to my mother in my head which seems to help me. Does that sound strange?

I hope that you have good weekends. Tomorrow, it's more to do at my mother's apartment. My uncle and his friends will be of great help. I just hope that the weather cooperates.


(((big hugs))) to you all

Riann
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  #39  
Old February 19th, 2011, 08:01
STAR1177 STAR1177 is offline
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Dear Ann-Rachel, Riann and Lizzy,

Thanks so much for all of your messages of support. I already feel so much better knowing that you are all there going through the same thing as me and that we can all help and support each other. I also have a boyfriend who has been a great support to me. I often wonder how I would manage without him! He is just always there, whatever I'm going through, so I'm very thankful that I have him. We moved to France 6 weeks ago and so that is an added stress really as I don't have many friends around here yet and I'm not working so I have too much time to myself in the week which can get really depressing! My boyfriend works full time so in the daytime I have to find things to do with my time until I find a job. What do you all do to take your mind off things? Lizzy, I have contacted CRUSE and I am probably going to have telephone counselling with them as they don't have any branches in France. I hope your session goes well, let us know. I think bereavement counselling can really help, as the counsellor is trained to listen and help people through their grief. I know it's hard to talk to family members about grief, I usually just talk to my boyfriend about it or come on this forum to read others stories to help me feel less alone. Data, I often wonder if our loved ones are watching us and can see us and I can totally relate to how you talk to your mother 'in your head' as I do that too. It can be comforting. My boyfriend tells me that my Grandmother can see me and that she's always around me and wants me to be happy which helps me a lot. I really feel for all of you and what you are going through, it's so tough.
I hope you are all having a good weekend. Stay strong

Hugs, Leyla xxx
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  #40  
Old February 19th, 2011, 18:29
Data Data is offline
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Dear Ann-Rachel, Lizzy and Leyla,

I'm so glad that knowing we're here has helped you Leyla. I can't imagine how much stress it would be moving to a new country at this time. I'm not working either because I have had chronic hoarseness for almost a year. No doctor can figure out what's going on as a result I don't have a job. I read, watch tv and movies and play facebook games to take my mind off of things. Hope that these suggestions are helpful.

Lizzy, I hope that your session goes well. Please keep us updated on your progress.

I've also been told that my mother can see me, that she's always around me and wants me to be happy. I also find the thought comforting. I really do miss sharing things with my mother so talking to her "in my head" really helps.

I was able to get some more of my mother's apartment cleaned out. I can't believe that my uncle and I only have until the 28th to get everything done! I'm going to have a really busy week. It's so much pressure. It will be a relief once it's over even though I'm scared of how it will be for emotionally. I've developped a small annoying cough. Hope that it doesn't affect my sleep. I can't afford to get sick right now.

Hope you all have a good weekend! -hugs-

Riann
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