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Old May 23rd, 2012, 16:29
cal821 cal821 is offline
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Default "Rebuilding your life... when you think you have lost everything" Part 1

.. I want to post some suggestive advice for you who are stuck trying to figure out what to do now... Please feel free to read on if you wish.. This is just a logical progression of thought ... a no nonsense approach to rebuilding... See if this makes sense to you and use it if you wish... It will not make your suffering and life worse than it has been... but it might get you to think about how you can change your suffering patterns and start rebuilding..
As always I offer advice to help.. "I'm neither a KNOW IT ALL or Professional"... I just see things differently

Steps to rebuilding your life

Rebuilding is hard work. In fact it’s much harder than building. Building from scratch is not nearly as difficult as rebuilding because in rebuilding you have to clear away the debris. You've got to deal with the damage. You’ve got to pick up all the rubble. It takes a whole lot more time because you just can’t start with a clean slate. Rebuilding always takes longer than building...

The fact is, as a human being, you cannot live without loss. Everything in this world is temporary. You’re not made to live here forever. You’re made to live forever in eternity.You’re only going to get 60, 80, 100 years on this planet. That means everything is temporary –everything. So you’re going to have major losses in your life. Losses of loved ones. Some of you have lost a marriage at the same time. And there are many, many other secondary losses in that can follow in life. How do you recover and how do you rebuild after a major loss? Because you’re going to go through the seasons of loss. It’s inevitable. You’re going to have storms of stress. You’re going to have torrents of tragedy. Gales and gusts of grief. You’re going to have floods of failure in your life.

When those kinds of things come into your life, the typical question we always ask is why. Why is this happening to me? Why is this going on? And folks, that is the unanswerable question.We’re not going to know on this side of eternity. Looking back later from heaven you’ll be able to see why things happen the way they did.

When we ask the Why question, we don’t get an answer. But I've discovered after reading of other peoples experiences of grief... the common thread is .... that we don’t need an explanation anyway. What we need in that time is encouragement. Not an explanation. Explanations don’t encourage us. What I think we truly need is encouragement....
It’s actually far more helpful instead of asking why to ask the What? question. What do I do now? What’s next? What are my first steps?

What do you do when you've lost it all? Some of you have lost a loved one. Or you've lost your job. Or you've lost your financial security. Or you've lost a dream – you've had a heartbreak.What do you do? How do you rebuild your life? There are 7 truths that the Bible speaks very clearly on rebuilding your life and they are:

1: Release your grief

Loss always creates very strong emotions in us. We grieve. We have worry. We have fear. We may have depression. We may have Anger..
What do we do with these emotions?
You don’t resist them. And you don’t rehearse them. And you don’t reduce them. And you don’t repress them. You release them. What do I mean by that?You don’t resist them, first of all. Resisting means I’m not going to let myself feel this. A lot of people do that when they go through a major loss. “I’m just not going to let myself feel anything. I don’t want to let it get too close to me.” That is a major mistake, friends. To not feel your feelings. Feelings are meant to be felt. So you don’t resist your feelings.On the other hand you don’t do the opposite and you don’t rehearse your feelings. Where you go over and over and over in misery and moan and you start to second guess yourself – if I’d have done this differently maybe I’d still have my old life.. Or if I’d done this differently maybe my loved one would still be alive. And rehearsing over and over and over is just as ineffective as resisting it.You don’t reduce your feelings. “It’s no big deal.” It was a big deal. It hurt and it still does. And you don’t minimize your feelings and say, “It doesn't matter.” It did matter. It was a big deal. You don’t reduce your feelings.

You don’t minimize them.And certainly you don’t repress them. A lot of people are stuffers. They push their feelings down. That’s like taking a coke bottle and shaking it up. One day it’s going to explode.

2. Resist bitterness

Bitterness will do you harm more than the circumstance you went through. Bitterness is far worse than any problem you’ll ever experience. “You don’t know what I've gone through! A tough life prior when your loved one was alive. And never had time for reconciliation with them..... "Life had dealt you and unfair hand" But bitterness is worse. Why? Because it’s holding on to the hurt.That’s what resentment does. Your past is past. It can’t hurt you any more. The only way it can hurt you is if you choose to hold on to it through bitterness. That’s dumb. You need to let it go.You need to let go of your grudges just as you let go of your grief. And you say, “I’m going to let it go!” Because bitterness only hurts you. It never solves the problem. It doesn’t change the past. It can’t control the future. All it does is mess up your life right now.You need to make the decision do I want to be bitter or do I want to get better?

That’s the options. Do I want to be bitter or get better? Or do I want to be bitter or do I want to be happy? It’s your choice. You can choose. But you can’t have both. You cannot be bitter and happy at the same time. So if you choose to hold on to that hurt and you will not forgive and you will not let it go and you will hold on to that resentment you’re choosing to be unhappy. Happiness is a choice. It’s a choice! It’s not based on circumstances as much as you think it is.There is no correlation between happiness and circumstances. There are people in this world that have faced a very horror like existence... Yet they are happy and cheerful and positive people. Yet I have met some people that almost nothing really bad has happened in their life and they whine all the time. I have no patience for whiners. Whining never helps anything in this life...

If you’re going to recover your life, if you’re going to rebuild your life after a major loss, a breakup or anything else, you've got to release your grief to God and you've got to resist bitterness because bitterness will poison your life.

3. Accept what cannot be changed.

Accept what cannot be changed.That’s the starting point. You accept what cannot be changed. And the truth is, friends, much of life is totally beyond your control. Sometimes the only way to overcome some problems is to accept them. They’re just going to be there in your life. They’re going to be there. They’re not going to change and you just accept them. Acceptance is the way to peace on some issues. It’s just like your past. Your past is past. No matter how much you resent it you can’t change it.You’re just going to have to accept it. And you don’t rewrite history and pretend like your childhood was really a popular, fun, happy time when it wasn't. You don’t paper over the past and try to make it appear different than it really is. No. Faith is facing reality and not being discouraged. Faith is looking at your past and looking at your present problems and looking at your future. You’re facing reality but you’re just not discouraged by it. It’s not Pollyanna where you just pretend like everything’s great and you live in a world of unreality. No. Faith is facing reality but you just don’t get discouraged by it. Because you know God is in control. God loves you, God cares, God sees and God will help you. So you accept what cannot be changed.

4. Focus on what’s left not on what’s lost.

After a loss you need to find something to be grateful for. There’s always something to be grateful for. Like air. A lot of stuff we just take for granted. When was the last time you thanked God for air? You wouldn't live the next minute if you didn't have it. We take so much for granted in our lives and we need to just stop and say God I’m grateful! Scientists have discovered that the attitude of gratitude is the healthiest emotion you can have. And the more grateful and thankful person you are the more emotionally healthy and physically healthy you will be. It is good for your heart. It’s good for you to be grateful.The truth is most of the people in the world would love to have your problems. Really! You think your problems are bad but you’re not worried about Am I going to eat next week? Or am I going to have a roof over my head tomorrow? Most of the world would love to have your problems. It’s like the old cliche, “I complained I had no shoes until I met a man who had no legs.”You just need to find something to be grateful for. You focus on what’s left, not what’s lost.


I will continue this in post #2

Cal821
__________________
Memory can only tell us what we were,
in the company of those we loved;
it cannot help us find what each of us, alone, must now become.
Yet no person is really alone;
those who live no more echo still within our thoughts and words,
and what they did has become woven into what we are.

I wish you peace and a level path on your journey...

Cal821

Last edited by cal821 : June 3rd, 2015 at 10:35.
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  #2  
Old January 18th, 2013, 12:33
gumek gumek is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 746
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cal821 View Post
After great thought.. I have some suggestive advice for you who are stuck trying to figger out what to do now... Please feel free to read on if you wish.. This is just a logical progression of thought ... a no nonsense approach to rebuilding... See if this makes sense to you and use it if you wish... It will not make your suffering and life worse than it has been... but it might get you to think about how you can change your suffering patterns and start rebuilding..
As always I offer advice to help.. "I'm neither a KNOW IT ALL or Professional"... I just see things differently

Steps to rebuilding your life

Rebuilding is hard work. In fact itís much harder that building. Building from scratch is not nearly as difficult as rebuilding because in rebuilding you have to clear away the debris. Youíve got to deal with the damage. Youíve got to pick up all the rubble. It takes a whole lot more time because you just canít start with a clean slate. Rebuilding always takes longer than building...

The fact is, as a human being, you cannot live without loss. Everything in this world is temporary. Youíre not made to live here forever. Youíre made to live forever in eternity.Youíre only going to get 60, 80, 100 years on this planet. That means everything is temporary Ėeverything. So youíre going to have major losses in your life. Losses of loved ones. Some of you have lost a marriage at the same time. And there are many, many other secondary losses in that can follow in life. How do you recover and how do you rebuild after a major loss? Because youíre going to go through the seasons of loss. Itís inevitable. Youíre going to have storms of stress. Youíre going to have torrents of tragedy. Gales and gusts of grief. Youíre going to have floods of failure in your life.

When those kinds of things come into your life, the typical question we always ask is why. Why is this happening to me? Why is this going on? And folks, that is the unanswerable question.Weíre not going to know on this side of eternity. Looking back later from heaven youíll be able to see why things happen the way they did.

When we ask the Why question, we donít get an answer. But Iíve discovered after reading of other peoples experiences of grief... the common thread is .... that we donít need an explanation anyway. What we need in that time is encouragement. Not an explanation. Explanations donít encourage us. What I think we truly need is encouragement....
Itís actually far more helpful instead of asking why to ask the What? question. What do I do now? Whatís next? What are my first steps?

What do you do when youíve lost it all? Some of you have lost a loved one. Or youíve lost your job. Or youíve lost your financial security. Or youíve lost a dream Ė youíve had a heartbreak.What do you do? How do you rebuild your life? There are 7 truths that the Bible speaks very clearly on rebuilding your life and they are:

1: Release your grief

Loss always creates very strong emotions in us. We grieve. We have worry. We have fear. We may have depression. We may have Anger..
What do we do with these emotions?
You donít resist them. And you donít rehearse them. And you donít reduce them. And you donít repress them. You release them. What do I mean by that?You donít resist them, first of all. Resisting means Iím not going to let myself feel this. Alot of people do that when they go through a major loss. ďIím just not going to let myself feel anything. I donít want to let it get too close to me.Ē That is a major mistake, friends. To not feel your feelings. Feelings are meant to be felt. So you donít resist your feelings.On the other hand you donít do the opposite and you donít rehearse your feelings. Where you go over and over and over in misery and moan and you start to second guess yourself Ė if Iíd have done this differently maybe Iíd still have my old life.. Or if Iíd done this differently maybe my loved one would still be alive. And rehearsing over and over and over is just as ineffective as resisting it.You donít reduce your feelings. ďItís no big deal.Ē It was a big deal. It hurt and it still does. And you donít minimize your feelings and say, ďIt doesnít matter.Ē It did matter. It was a big deal. You donít reduce your feelings.

You donít minimize them.And certainly you donít repress them. A lot of people are stuffers. They push their feelings down. Thatís like taking a coke bottle and shaking it up. One day itís going to explode.

2. Resist bitterness

Bitterness will do you harm more than the circumstance you went through. Bitterness is far worse than any problem youíll ever experience. ďYou donít know what Iíve gone through! A tough life prior when your loved one was alive. And never had time for reconcillation with them..... "Life had dealt you and unfair hand" But bitterness is worse. Why? Because itís holding on to the hurt.Thatís what resentment does. Your past is past. It canít hurt you any more. The only way it can hurt you is if you choose to hold on to it through bitterness. Thatís dumb. You need to let it go.You need to let go of your grudges just as you let go of your grief. And you say, ďIím going to let it go!Ē Because bitterness only hurts you. It never solves the problem. It doesnít change the past. It canít control the future. All it does is mess up your life right now.You need to make the decision do I want to be bitter or do I want to get better?

Thatís the options. Do I want to be bitter or get better? Or do I want to be bitter or do I want to be happy? Itís your choice. You can choose. But you canít have both. You cannot be bitter and happy at the same time. So if you choose to hold on to that hurt and you will not forgive and you will not let it go and you will hold on to that resentment youíre choosing to be unhappy. Happiness is a choice. Itís a choice! Itís not based on circumstances as much as you think it is.There is no correlation between happiness and circumstances. There are people in this world that have faced a very horror like existence... Yet they are happy and cheerful and positive people. Yet I have met some people that almost nothing really bad has happened in their life and they whine all the time. I have no patience for whiners. Whining never helps anything in this life...

If youíre going to recover your life, if youíre going to rebuild your life after a major loss, a breakup or anything else, youíve got to release your grief to God and youíve got to resist bitterness because bitterness will poison your life.

3. Accept what cannot be changed.

Accept what cannot be changed.Thatís the starting point. You accept what cannot be changed. And the truth is, friends, much of life is totally beyond your control. Sometimes the only way to overcome some problems is to accept them. Theyíre just going to be there in your life. Theyíre going to be there. Theyíre not going to change and you just accept them. Acceptance is the way to peace on some issues. Itís just like your past. Your past is past. No matter how much you resent it you canít change it.Youíre just going to have to accept it. And you donít rewrite history and pretend like your childhood was really a popular, fun, happy time when it wasnít. You donít paper over the past and try to make it appear different than it really is. No. Faith is facing reality and not being discouraged. Faith is looking at your past and looking atyour present problems and looking at your future. Youíre facing reality but youíre just notdiscouraged by it. Itís not Pollyanna where you just pretend like everythingís great and you live in a world of unreality. No. Faith is facing reality but you just donít get discouraged by it. Because you know God is in control. God loves you, God cares, God sees and God will help you. So you accept what cannot be changed.

4. Focus on whatís left not on whatís lost.

After a loss you need to find something to be grateful for. Thereís always something to be grateful for. Like air. A lot of stuff we just take for granted. When was the last time you thanked God for air? You wouldnít live the next minute if you didnít have it. We take so much for granted in our lives and we need to just stop and say God Iím grateful! Scientists havediscovered that the attitude of gratitude is the healthiest emotion you can have. And the more grateful and thankful person you are the more emotionally healthy and physically healthy youwill be. It is good for your heart. Itís good for you to be grateful.The truth is most of the people in the world would love to have your problems. Really! You think your problems are bad but youíre not worried about Am I going to eat next week? Or am I going to have a roof over my head tomorrow? Most of the world would love to have your problems. Itís like the old clichť, ďI complained I had no shoes until I met a man who had no legs.ĒYou just need to find something to be grateful for. You focus on whatís left, not whatís lost.


I will continue this in post #2

Cal821
hi dave, i just reread this post, its brill i wasnt here then but its encouraged me greatly, ty.

chrissie. xx
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  #3  
Old June 22nd, 2015, 17:27
cal821 cal821 is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 477
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bump to top for a re- read
__________________
Memory can only tell us what we were,
in the company of those we loved;
it cannot help us find what each of us, alone, must now become.
Yet no person is really alone;
those who live no more echo still within our thoughts and words,
and what they did has become woven into what we are.

I wish you peace and a level path on your journey...

Cal821
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