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Old August 11th, 2007, 07:28
luciestorrs luciestorrs is offline
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Default Five stages of grief: stage two - anger

Continuing the series of posts from The Light Beyond bereavement blog:

The second stage of grief is anger. This can be anger at anyone from the deceased to God. For example, those in bereavement often have thoughts of, "Why did you leave me alone like this?" towards their loved ones who died. They may be angry at their loved one for not taking better care of himself, or angry at themselves for not taking better care of their loved one. You may feel anger towards the doctors for not being able to save the person who has died, or you might rage against life in general because you are angry that bad things could happen to someone who meant so much to you. But, most of all, you may be angry at this unexpected, undeserved and unwanted situation in which you find yourself.

The anger may also be directed at God for taking away a loved one. Today, most churches and clergy understand it is not unusual for people to feel anger toward God in bereavement. Many churches have started bereavement groups in which priests and ministers encourage expression of all kinds of feelings. Consider asking your church about this.

According to Kübler-Ross in On Grief and Grieving, anger is a necessary stage of the healing process. The more you truly feel it, the more it will begin to dissipate and the more you will heal. Do not bottle anger up inside - instead, explore it. The anger is just another indication of the intensity of your love. If you do not allow yourself to fully experience it, the pain only gets worse until you can no longer ignore its demands to be heard. Don't let anyone diminish the importance of feeling your anger fully. And don't let anyone criticize your anger, not even you.

I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences...
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Old September 25th, 2007, 21:51
Calypso Calypso is offline
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I never understood the anger part of healing until my best friend died. One of my first reactions, irrational as it was, was sheer rage at her for getting sick and for dying, and for dying on the day before my birthday no less. The anger sustained me until I was ready to feel the other feelings--grief, a profound sense of loss, depression, etc.
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Old September 30th, 2007, 16:54
riskey58 riskey58 is offline
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Default Five stages of greif

I think everyone goes through the anger stage. There are so many times people get mad because the person left them. I think without this it would be harder to get over the grieving part.
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Old October 13th, 2007, 16:37
travelforever travelforever is offline
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Maybe because I knew of my mom´s impending demise, but I never felt anger. I missed her and still do after 28 years but I accepted the situation. Of my first husband dying suddenly, I didn´t become angry but felt hurt, unless that equates as anger.

Last edited by travelforever : October 13th, 2007 at 16:39. Reason: misspelled word
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Old October 14th, 2007, 01:30
jipmerite jipmerite is offline
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I think the anger stage comes to everyone. But not equally for everyone. For some the stage is so short that they do not realise it. They go on to the other stages too soon. And I don't think anyone will be evaluating what stage they are in when they are grieving. So retrospectively thinking, we might not be able to say for sure what part was anger.
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Old October 14th, 2007, 12:01
Calypso Calypso is offline
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Even Elisabeth Kubler-Ross stated that not everyone goes through the same stages in the same order. For instance, I don't remember being angry when my grandmother died. She was in her 90s and had been ill for a long time. I think the stages are meant as a rough map to help mourners make sense of what they are going through...
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Old November 11th, 2007, 19:04
ninikins ninikins is offline
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I believe everyone experiences the 'anger phase' but at different times. Some people I know who've experienced a loss felt this almost immediately.
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Old November 15th, 2007, 09:40
jnjsarauer jnjsarauer is offline
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How well I understand the anger phase. When my first husband died, I was so angry with him I didn't think I would ever get past it. I withheld the rage from family and friends, so it churned inside and made me sick. Counselling was the only thing that got me through it.
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