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  #1  
Old June 19th, 2007, 06:40
luciestorrs luciestorrs is offline
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Default Is The Light Beyond too positive?

Some of the reactions to The Light Beyond have been interesting and rather unexpected, such as that below from a bereaved friend:

"I have a little trouble with your positive approach (especially in the film). I think death can be really gruelling, soul-destroying, painful (to witness as well as to experience), nasty and dirty too. Especially when people take a long time dying of things like cancer. It's the very ugliness and painfulness of death which is so hard to share and which people don't want to hear about or hear you talk about. And survivors often need to talk about the horror, over and over again. Serenity and peace and happy memories (if they ever come) take a long time. That at any rate was my experience. It was helpful to me to hear a few people say realistically that I was going to feel like ****, feel ill and out of control, wouldn't be able to sleep or eat normally for a long time, and that time would crawl and I'd feel like I was losing my mind at times etc. Most of the images in your film are ones of beauty and peace - even denial. Maybe that's what some people want to hear, but I used to find it infuriating when people would say to me he's 'not really gone,' 'you still have him in your heart' and so on. It took years for me to feel anything approaching peace or tranquility."

I'd be interested to hear what other people think? Don't worry - we can take criticism! We want to provide a helpful, useful service and anything which helps us to do so will be taken on board. If you haven't seen our movie yet, you can watch it here on YouTube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AluKPblVBqo
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Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep: over 250 funeral poems, quotes and readings
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Last edited by luciestorrs : June 28th, 2007 at 15:32.
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  #2  
Old June 28th, 2007, 12:14
SageMother SageMother is offline
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I think there are many ways to deal with the subject. This site has one approach, but there are other sites, where I am not sure, that have a grittier approach.

Perhaps you could add balance by starting a site of your own, expressing what you have seen, felt, and heard..
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  #3  
Old July 3rd, 2007, 06:35
Taggart Taggart is offline
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I haven't watched the movie yet, but I am aware of different people taking different amounts of time to deal with grief.

Also I've noticed that I differ from others as to how much and how long I feel comfortable discussing someone's death.
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  #4  
Old July 3rd, 2007, 16:15
SageMother SageMother is offline
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I can understand how some approaches to this subject can be irritating. I know there are times when people start to tell me about thinking of my daughter being in a "better place" makes me want to thrash them.

A few years back one of the members of a pagan group I belonged to perished in a motorcycle accident and everyone sort of pulled out the mental "unicorns and butterflies". The positive spin they were putting on her horrible accident made me more than a little angry. Everyone has a right to porcess things as they must.
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  #5  
Old July 4th, 2007, 11:29
Calypso Calypso is offline
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We don't deal with negative things well in our culture. There's always the desire to put some kind of positive spin on even the worst tragedies, and that's usually not helpful to the survivors who do need to grieve and share their stories of pain and angst.

Although I haven't seen the film either, though, I think of the light beyond as reminding people that there is life after grief. Or perhaps "after grief" isn't the right term as we never truly stop grieving when we lose someone very close to us.

But as I've told many clients, while your loved one will never have a "smaller" place in your heart, as you continue to live your life, your heart grows bigger to hold more joys, more sorrows, more experiences both positive and negative. To me the expanding of the human heart is the "light beyond" and the hope for a better tomorrow.
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  #6  
Old July 6th, 2007, 00:25
harmony_mom harmony_mom is offline
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Grief is such a complex emotion, it's hard to say what's too positive or too harsh. I don't necessarily think that The Light Beyond is too positive, and I feel that this is a very accepting community and that if someone needed to just vent, everyone here would understand. It's just really important for everyone to remember that sometimes people don't want to be comforted, and that it's part of healing to surrender to pain and anger. I feel that it's impossible to ever be able to find a positive outlook if you don't allow yourself to fully experience the negative, ugly, nasty, dark side of death
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  #7  
Old July 6th, 2007, 04:53
sarahjane sarahjane is offline
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I just watched the movie and actually found it rather beautiful. And the music is lovely, very moving. But then, I am not raw with grief as I have been in the past.

I would say that the reaction to the movie depends on the stage of grief you are at when you see it. And of course there are many different kinds of grief; if the death comes as a blessed release after a long illness, then this kind of attempt to soothe and console could well be quite welcome. It sounds like your friend suffered a very difficult bereavement, however.

I can see it both ways...

Sarah Jane
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  #8  
Old September 6th, 2007, 08:02
Priscilla Priscilla is offline
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I haven't watched the movie, but I think the site is positive. There's nothing wrong with it. If you want the ugliness of death, you probably won't find it here. The thing is: we already have to deal with the ugliness and the pain, etc. in "real life". We come here to get a dose of love and understanding and perhaps get a new and different outlook on a natural process.
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  #9  
Old December 13th, 2007, 12:49
flowerchilde flowerchilde is offline
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Default always.. death over the airwaves

...death is gritty. Always we hear about crimes, abductions, murders, school shootings.. It's almost like a plague.. It is a plague! Bringing in the positive is the medicine.. No matter how bad it is, or was, there is (surely?) "light beyond"! Because we can feel it.. Yet also there's the anger (another word for pain!) and disappointment and disillusionment, which blocks the peace and healing.. We're better off shaking our fist at life, getting it over with, than we are sweeping it under the rug. Can that be done collectively? I don't know... [but it is an interesting thought..]
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  #10  
Old December 13th, 2007, 14:27
shay shay is offline
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I think it's best to stay positive about it all, bc it is just another part of life, but some people don't take it well, and misery loves company.
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