The Light Beyond Bereavement Forum Bereavement StoreMovieBlogSympathy Ecards
Kindness in another's trouble, courage in your own...

Go Back   The Light Beyond Bereavement Forums > Dealing with death > Death after a long illness
Register FAQ Members List Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old June 10th, 2007, 16:31
moonmagick moonmagick is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 24
Default Guilt

Do you feel a sense of guilt for being relieved that the suffering someone has undergone is over when they have passed from a long illness? I have a friend coping with this kind of guilt. She was devastated to lose her mother, but also relieved that she wasnt suffering anymore.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old June 10th, 2007, 19:03
tater03 tater03 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 52
Default

I can see how one would have a sense of relief when someone finally passes away when they have been suffering a lot of pain. I think that is normal to feel myself. I know I hope that my parent when their time comes that it is not a painful lingering type of illness.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old July 4th, 2007, 08:43
Taggart Taggart is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 189
Default

I don't feel guilt at the relief after someone passes, but I probably feel some guilt for things that I wish I'd done differently to make the person more comfortable in any way I could during their illness.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old July 6th, 2007, 13:56
sandmike123 sandmike123 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 58
Default

I haven't felt guilt for being relieved that they had passed. I have however felt the guilt and dismay for not being able to do enough if anything to help them. With illnesses what can you do?
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old July 8th, 2007, 15:56
Calypso Calypso is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Midwest
Posts: 205
Default

Guilt is a really common feeling among family members who've nursed a loved one through a long illness--guilt that they feel relief when their loved one finally dies, guilt that they couldn't "fix" their loved one, guilt over times when they felt they could have done more but didn't...it's such a common emotion, I've come to feel it's as normal a part of the grieving process as denial or depression.

Most people do work through guilt on their own if given time and space, but you can certainly add your reassurance that their feelings are normal and that, from where you are standing, they did everything any reasonable person could expect them to do.
__________________
Writers and readers are welcome at
www.debrastang.net
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old July 8th, 2007, 16:24
SageMother SageMother is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 106
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by moonmagick View Post
Do you feel a sense of guilt for being relieved that the suffering someone has undergone is over when they have passed from a long illness? I have a friend coping with this kind of guilt. She was devastated to lose her mother, but also relieved that she wasnt suffering anymore.
I usually feel a sense of relief, if the death is the result of long standing illness. I am relieved that the suffering has ended.

Last edited by SageMother : July 12th, 2007 at 22:41. Reason: typo ergo sum
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old July 12th, 2007, 13:43
DefyingGravity DefyingGravity is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 30
Default

One of my closest friends lost his father a few years ago. His dad had gotten very ill, very quickly. It affected his liver and kidneys, and he became a different person almost overnight. His disposition changed, he was moody and sometimes angry, and then he couldn't recognize his family, his wife and children. This all took place within 2-4 months! And he was only in his 40's. Even though it was so sudden, his death was an eventual relief to his family, because he was no longer himself, and it took a lot to care for him. I know the family was sad, and grieved for him, but I think the grief had already been going on since his personality changed and they knew he was getting worse.

I remember when my friend called me only moments after his dad had passed. When I relayed my condolences, he assured me that there was much relief felt, and that they were doing all right because they'd been preparing for this, and had been grieving for a while already.

Relief sounds so cold, but it's really not. A friend of mine recently passed away, also very suddenly, and while I miss her greatly, I am also a bit relieved because she is no longer in pain. It's an odd thought, really...
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old November 29th, 2007, 13:57
katharina katharina is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 61
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by DefyingGravity View Post
It affected his liver and kidneys, and he became a different person almost overnight. His disposition changed, he was moody and sometimes angry, and then he couldn't recognize his family, his wife and children. This all took place within 2-4 months!
Oh my goodness, this is so horrible! Was it the illness that made him change so drastically, or just the drain on him from *having* the illness? To make that more clear was there a documented medical reason for the change in disposition like some meds can do?
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old November 30th, 2007, 12:55
jnjsarauer jnjsarauer is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 40
Default

I understand how you feel that guilt, but I don't think is wrong to feel that sense of relief. It is only natural. What a horrible, stressful situation for all involved. I hope that healing is happening now.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old February 19th, 2012, 15:08
hamilton hamilton is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Iowa
Posts: 97
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Taggart View Post
I don't feel guilt at the relief after someone passes, but I probably feel some guilt for things that I wish I'd done differently to make the person more comfortable in any way I could during their illness.
Exactly. Relief that their suffering is over should be about the last thing one should feel guilty about.
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 10:19.


Copyright 2017 The Light Beyond. Visit the main site at www.thelightbeyond.com