The Light Beyond Bereavement Forum Bereavement StoreMovieBlogSympathy Ecards
Kindness in another's trouble, courage in your own...

Go Back   The Light Beyond Bereavement Forums > Dealing with death > Sudden, accidental or violent death
Register FAQ Members List Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #11  
Old February 13th, 2014, 06:38
hazelharris hazelharris is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,164
Default

hi gina thanks for sharing this wonderful friendship with us all and i know this is only my opinion to your question on telling this man of the baby but i would say (note in big letters) NO NO NO let this man keep his dreams of what could have been if you tell him so many things will hurt him why she didn't share the news with him, his baby died, she suffered alone, resent you from keeping this from him even resent you for telling him and many more he might guess she had it terminated then you will be doing your friends memory a disservice love may turn to hate in his mind if he found out of course he may be more understanding but don't take that risk some things are best left in the past it's a confidence she shared with you and it was her decision to keep it that way
this is only my opinion but i hope it gives you something to think about before you do anything love to you hazel xxx
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old February 13th, 2014, 12:04
j's daughter j's daughter is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 406
Default

Message deleted.

Last edited by j's daughter : March 14th, 2014 at 16:52.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old February 13th, 2014, 23:20
ginahunt3 ginahunt3 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Bridgeport, CT, U.S.A.
Posts: 236
Default

I was thinking the same thing. I didn't want to betray her trust even if she's not here. It just has been on my mind alot. He keeps mentioning it so I thought it may have been something he wanted to know but then I worried he'd get upset with me for not telling him. I guess it's because I'm close to him too. He and I were the closest ones to her.

As for the tattoo, I know they are forever, I have 5 already and I definitely am going to get one to honor her memory (she had 4). We both love tattoos. I looked on line today and I think I found one. Its the chinese symbol for "best friend". I was thinking about getting it with her name over it. I will never find another friend that I can be that upfront with and who accepts and loves me for my good qualities as well as my flaws like she did. She was a very special woman and there aren't very many people like her. I am grateful for the short time I did have her in my life even if I wasn't ready to give her up yet.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old February 14th, 2014, 20:57
j's daughter j's daughter is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 406
Default

Message deleted.

Last edited by j's daughter : March 14th, 2014 at 16:52.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old February 16th, 2014, 01:01
ginahunt3 ginahunt3 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Bridgeport, CT, U.S.A.
Posts: 236
Default

I can answer that question at least for me. There is no way that I would ever have given up the time I had with Mayra. It hurts like hell to have lost her, especially the way she was taken, but I know I am a better person for having known her. I know in my heart that she loved me unconditionally as I did her. We had special times, both good and bad, but we were always there for eachother. A true friend you might find once in a lifetime and I found mine in her. I joined this forum after my grandmother passed away. I had a hard time with it because she raised me and even after I got married we still did alot together. Her death was unexpected but she was 83 so it was a little easier because of her age and i did get to say goodbye in the hospital that night. That was in 2005 and I still cry over it but with Mayra she died 11/23/13 & she would have been 40 on 12/15/13, way too young and I never got a chance to say goodbye. I still talk to her every day and I can hear what she would have said to me but it's not the same. And if my husband tells me to "get over it" one more time I think I'm gonna hurt him! I think he's that way because he's dealt with alot of loss several of his family members were shot and killed so he's built a wall. He did cry when Mayra was killed but he got over it in a week. He doesn't understand why it's so hard for me to deal with. She always admired my marriage because we've been together almost 21 yrs and married almost 18 yrs. She wanted s relationahip like mine. She started dating our former mailman in January 2013 and I haven't seen her that happy in a long time. He's a good guy. It kills me that she finally found the happiness that she wanted so badly and didn't get a chance to really enjoy it. She deserved to be happy. Especially after the way her kids father treated her. She was happy with her life, raising her kids and her job but she was lonely and wanted that companionship. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy that she found someone who loved & respected her and that she passed away with him in her heart but I just wish she had the time to let her relationship blossom and really enjoy it. Now I'm left with all these thoughts like "She could've or she should've" and I'll never know what would've happened. Does that make sense? So many people loved her but I don't know if she realized just how many. The funeral home was packed and there was a line 2 blocks down and around one block waiting to go in. People stood out in the freezing cold for over an hour just to pay their respects. I have one question then I'm done for the night. I saw a locket and when you open it it has a small tube to put the some of the persons ashes in. Do you think it would be overstepping my bounds if I were to ask her family for a small bit of her ashes so I can get the locket and keep part of her with me always? She will always be in my heart but I would like to have that too. I'm good friends with her brother but I don't know her sisters that well and I don't wsnt to upset her mom but I want them all to agree to it not just one or two.
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old February 16th, 2014, 06:08
hazelharris hazelharris is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,164
Default

hi gina i,m sure mayra,s family know how close you were to her and you will always be it doesn't hurt to ask about having some of her remains for your locket there's a procedure also that turns ashes into beautiful jewellery you only need a small amount to do this be prepared for them to say no and don't take the refusal personally but they might be comforted to know her memory will be treasured this way
mayra had found happiness before she parted take comfort in this yes there was so much more to come as her life was short but it doesn't matter what age the departed are we go over what could have been and however many years should have remained and they were robbed of that joy try not to think this way we just have to accept what was and be grateful for the time they were here with us No past can ever be changed and the future is for those who remain for however long we are given our loved ones live on inside us as a beautiful memory
Look to all she achieved in her life and thats so much she was loved and respected by many people you know more than most life can be cut short in a second so hold those close to you that you love your husband especially he loves you and your sadness must upset him that's why he has asked you to stop grieving talk to him he is your solace and your future tell him you need time to get through your loss you need his help love and understanding
Thinking of you xxxxx
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old February 16th, 2014, 11:47
j's daughter j's daughter is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 406
Default

Message deleted.

Last edited by j's daughter : March 14th, 2014 at 16:52.
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old February 17th, 2014, 00:32
ginahunt3 ginahunt3 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Bridgeport, CT, U.S.A.
Posts: 236
Default

Thank you ladies, for the encouragement and support you have given me. It really means alot especially since the person who always supported me is gone. First let me start by saying that I actually was planning on talking to her brother about her ashes. The day it happened her family went to the accident scene. I was hearing different things but didn't know she was killed yet so I was at home, trying to get in touch with her or her brother or sister in law. As soon as he got back ( Mayra, her brother and his wife and her mom live in 3 houses that are next to each other) he came straight here and when I opened the door he just grabbed me and hugged me for the longest time. We cried together. His mom didn't even know that Mayra didn't make it because when she heard about the accident she had to be taken to the hospital. So I would say we are pretty close. So that's what I think I'm gonna do. I just don't want them to feel like I'm intruding on their grief. Her kids are getting the necklaces with the stones made of her ashes. I think its pretty symbolic of her life. She was our rock. Just like those stones. So I'm going to call him tomorrow. He was here for awhile yesterday and we talked about getting tattoos. I show him the symbol for best friend in chinese and he piped up with I should get something that was personal for both of us. Then he told me I should get 'bitch'!. I was laughing and told him I thought of it so he said he knows that was our relationship. That we said it out of love and no one else could say it to us. Which is so true but I still think im gonna go with best friend. Even my ringtone for her said "bitch alert". As for my husband I'll try to elaborate on that situation tomorrow. Its a long story.
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 19:19.


Copyright 2007 The Light Beyond. Visit the main site at www.thelightbeyond.com