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  #1  
Old April 20th, 2012, 07:27
Crystal230995 Crystal230995 is offline
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Default Lost my older brother

I lost my older brother Mikey in Feburay to suicide. I feel really bad about this as I'd been threatning suicide at the time Mikey took his life. I should have seen the signs but I ignored them and now my own thoughts of suicide are all I can think of
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  #2  
Old April 20th, 2012, 15:02
hazelharris hazelharris is offline
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hi crystal get these terrible thoughts out of your head NOW there are people in your life that rely on you especially your neice what on earth will happen to her if you don't pull yourself together do you want to add to her trauma suicide can sometimes have a knock on effect especially the young you must never contemplate such a dreadful action it's not an act that you can say afterwards i've changed my mind as soon as you start having bad thoughts concentrate on how you are going to help your neice
i assume you haven't asked your doctor for councelling you must get some help now for starters if you get desperate ring the samaritans to keep you going until you can get an appointment
i really understand your grief but you do not realise what God has in store for you life will be wonderful for you in the future you could be so happy with a husband and a child of your own then you will know what happiness is would you deny yourself and a child life i hope not if only i could let you feel the love life can bring
stop this guilt trip nothing was your fault we are all responsible for our own actions and unfortunately if a loved one does this we are left to pick up the pieces and it's very very hard but you must find the strength i will pray you find this strength let us know you are getting help my love to you hazel
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  #3  
Old April 21st, 2012, 03:56
Crystal230995 Crystal230995 is offline
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I know their are people who need me but I needed Mikey and he didn't care about that. I know it wouldn't help my niece but I feel it would help me cope with what Mikey has done. I don't trust my doctor with talking about this. I promise if I feel desperate then I will get in touch with Samaritans. I don't trust anyone that much anymore as I trusted Mikey and he used to protect me but then he does THAT to me whilst claiming to love me.
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Old April 21st, 2012, 07:06
tom-fisherman tom-fisherman is offline
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Shalom in Yeshua Crystal, I have just posted on your other thread, and have only just read this one.

I am so sorry that you feel such despair, but I must say that you are at least seeking help with your feelings. There is a huge amount of things going on with you and your family. There must be something that urges you all to feel suicidal. Do you know what that is?

These feelings now are not about anyone else they are about you. You must seek help with this. I am going to send you a personal message and hope that you will engage with me and tell me things that you obviously don't want to share in the forum.

May God bless you
Tom
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Old April 21st, 2012, 07:18
gumek gumek is offline
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Dear Crystal, please priv mess someone today love who will listen and help you. Please please send one now.


here for you

gumek
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  #6  
Old April 21st, 2012, 13:43
hazelharris hazelharris is offline
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dear crystal mikey didn't do what he did to you he did it to himself in despair people who take to suicide never sit and think of the people who love them and what the consiquences will be for them it's all about themselves and their own anguish they are too deep in depression to think of others
it didn't mean he didn't love you of course he did but the dark corners of depression take over and he was overwelmed with these dark terrible thoughts all other feelings of love life you his daughter in his illness he wouldn't have registered what he was doing logicaly
some people cannot cope with lifes ups and downs it seems easier to them to give up in doing so they have denied themselves life that could have been good and look at how it has left everyone in your family hardly able to carry on
all our lives it's mainly good and wonderful but also sad tragic and unhappy phases we all inevitably go through we have to find the strength to overcome all these bad times to be able to live our lives a life that is there for you to grab with both hands and say so now is bad but one day soon the sun is going to shine again one day happiness is going to be there for me it will be mine
you must learn to trust others there is a lot of good people out there who are waiting to help you i pray you feel all our love and our prayers and i am thinking of you tonight love hazel
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  #7  
Old April 22nd, 2012, 04:43
Crystal230995 Crystal230995 is offline
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Hi, i get that but Mikey all but killed me when he learnt I didn't want to live anymore then he kills himself. It makes no sence, his little angel has to grow up knowing her daddy killed himself and there was nothing anyone could do to help him. Although he could have got help as I have done. I bloody hate the three of them but I hate Mikey the most.
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Old April 22nd, 2012, 08:14
hazelharris hazelharris is offline
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hi chrysal mikey didn't kill you he stabbed you in the heart yes but he did it to himself you are a survivor you have been through so much yourself and you found the strength to carry on that took so much courage it's that strength you must hold on to now its good that you are getting the anger out of course you are angry with them but try to feel compassion also they were all young people and their lives are all gone with no consideration to what all this will do to others as i said feel sad for them as well as angry that they all reached this bottom of despair some people can't look for the light at the end of the tunnel you did and i admire you for that
how close you will be to your neice she will love you all her life to know how you have helped and loved her and been there for her one day when she is older and understands all that has happened you will be there still to give her a guiding hand
anger is part of grief and it's good for you to get it all out know you have friends here who admire you who understand all the mixed feelings we have to cope with in grief we are here for you love hazel
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  #9  
Old April 22nd, 2012, 09:30
hazelharris hazelharris is offline
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hi crystal you have opened another thread is this what your own depression is about what you were suffering over before mikeys death?
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  #10  
Old April 25th, 2012, 12:50
Crystal230995 Crystal230995 is offline
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I suppose it's guilt as if i hadn't told mikey he may still be here.
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