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  #1  
Old November 16th, 2007, 14:07
skohlrusch skohlrusch is offline
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Default My sons dad just commited suicide should I tell him the truth? Hes 12

I just got the news this morning that he took his life, my son is 12 and at school right now and Im torn on what to tell him happened. Any suggestions?
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  #2  
Old November 17th, 2007, 00:14
skohlrusch skohlrusch is offline
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ok I guess this was a tough one to reply too, anyone who read my post i want you to know and anyone else who goes thru this that i did NOT tell him the exact truth but instead without completely lying to him I told him his dads heart gave out on him which is kinda true. There were alot of factors I considered but I could not take the one thing that would help him be strong away from him and that is how he saw his dad, the good guy. I didnt want him to think badly about his dad or to feel guilty about what he could have done, he had just talked to his dad tuesday and was supp to call him wed, well wed was when his dad did it. I am angry at his dad but I also know that he was facing demons that he just ended up loosing the battle too, maybe he knew beforehand that I would never tell our son if he did it but either way he was a good dad and I hope this helps him also wherever he is. alot of people say u should be honest but when you were a kid and you looked up to your parent would you want to be hit twice as hard and not only lose the person but also feel like you didnt know them? I hope this helps anyone else who has to go through this.
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  #3  
Old November 18th, 2007, 14:05
janus76 janus76 is offline
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12 years old is young but if he is fairly grown up them just explain to him that he dad was at a very low point in his life and took the sad dicission to take his own life and that none of this is your sons fault and that his dad loved him if he is quite a young 12 then just tell him for now that he is dead and not the full details of it
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  #4  
Old November 18th, 2007, 19:42
RoxyMoron RoxyMoron is offline
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Exactly. I would probably not tell him the exact truth right now because he is at a time where his mind is still developing...he may think that it is his own fault his father decided to do this.
Later on, if he asks, I'd say 16 or later would be best to give the details. If he questions why you "lied" then say that his heart really did give out on him, because he did not want to follow it anymore. If you know why his father went through with the act, I think your son may have a right to know this as well.
Definitely wait, though. He may take it much too hard in the wrong ways and it could affect him drastically. It may cause him to not do well in school or be angry with you often if he thinks it is because of him or even you!

And I would like to say I'm sorry for your loss, I hope that recovery will not be slow and I hope that your lives will go back to normal soon...I know you can never fully recover from such a shock but time heals all, truthfully!
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  #5  
Old November 19th, 2007, 14:22
skohlrusch skohlrusch is offline
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thank you for your words of comfort. My son is handling it very well so far and has gone to texas where his dad lived to be able to take any mementos he needs and to gain some closure. He is with his dads mom and sister and he has been able to meet some great friends of his dads also which is helping. Im going a lil stir crazy right now for I couldnt go with him due to work ( im a single mom and need to work now more then ever )and having dogs etc but he wanted to do this and I think its the best thing. Everyone has been told to keep a tab on what they say around him and how i told him it happened. I do feel he will come to an age that I will be able to tell him more for his dad had fought his battle since he ( the dad )was a young child and I think and hope it will help him understand more. My prayers are with anyone who ever has to go thru this also. I forgive his dad and that helped me gain closure. Have a blessed day and thanks
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  #6  
Old November 28th, 2007, 15:00
katharina katharina is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by skohlrusch View Post
thank you for your words of comfort. My son is handling it very well so far and has gone to texas where his dad lived to be able to take any mementos he needs and to gain some closure.
I'm sorry that your son is having to go through this. I would have answered your question before but I didn't see it until now. I'm not really sure what I would have answered, but I think it's vital to know that someone else isn't going to let it slip to him, or even his friends talking after hearing. That would make him wonder why you didn't tell him the truth. Either way would hurt him, so I hope it works out for you. Whatever decision helps him through this is the right one, and it sounds like you made that.
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  #7  
Old November 29th, 2007, 17:30
RoxyMoron RoxyMoron is offline
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I really hope it works out for you guys. I think the trip is the best thing you could have done because it will keep him busy...with you he would not have much time to do anything else and will dwell on it. I realized this when my first friend died, I didn't get to know him as well as I wanted to but grieved for a long time because I had too much free time (no work, guilty thoughts about missed hangout opportunities). With the second friend, I got to know him a little bit more and was a little bit closer to him but because I was working and in the process of moving, I didn't spend much time on it. I sometimes thought about it and cried a little but thought of the good times and made it through.
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  #8  
Old December 22nd, 2007, 07:04
debrajean debrajean is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by skohlrusch View Post
I just got the news this morning that he took his life, my son is 12 and at school right now and Im torn on what to tell him happened. Any suggestions?
I think it might be helpful for you and your son to attend some grief therapy sessions. If nothing else this will allow the two of you to express your feelings with others who have gone through the same thing.
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  #9  
Old December 26th, 2007, 17:30
dedicated2mysis dedicated2mysis is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by skohlrusch View Post
I just got the news this morning that he took his life, my son is 12 and at school right now and Im torn on what to tell him happened. Any suggestions?
(((hugs))) i am soo sorry
i know i am new here and you do not know me, but, i know that honesty is the best thing to tell a child. i am NOT saying you go into detail about suicide and how he did it and all, i would just sit down with him and tell him what had happened, maybe tell him that his dad has gone on to a better place and that he is happier there, or maybe something along that lines, tell him his dad loved him and cared for him.

i know with my son ( i made a post about his experience with death) i was honest with him and told him that God needed his family home because there mission was done here. in your case with suicide you could tell him that maybe he was sick or something.... gosh, i dont know, just try to be as honest as possible, the last thing you need is for someone in the family or friends saying something and have him over hear that his dad commited suicide.

best of luck and my thoughts and prayers are with you.
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  #10  
Old December 28th, 2007, 02:31
Jewel Jewel is offline
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I know that it is probably way too late to be of any help, but I really hope that you and your son are doing well. I know how stressful suicide can be on a family, especially children. I would really just be honest with a twelve year old though.
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