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Old March 18th, 2014, 19:10
cal821 cal821 is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Canada
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Default "On going Grief and trying to find closure"

Just some of my rambling thoughts on recovery, closure, trying to mend a broken heart.. As Always... I'm neither a professional or a Know it all.. I post the information or my thoughts for you to read and decide if it is truth or garbage.. you alone hold the key to your recovery.. by empowering yourself with information. Please feel free to read on..



On Going Grief and the myth of closure

When faced with grief we often ask, “When will I begin to feel better? When will I return to normal? When will I be able to breathe again? When will I achieve some closure?” The idea of closure in our culture is one of tidy endings, a sense of completion. The reason we long for closure, of course, is because we would like to be rid of this pain. We would like to shut out the sad, confused, desperate, angry feelings from our lives, putting all of this pain behind us so that we can feel joy again.
For some of us, we expect “closure” to happen after the funeral or memorial service or after a loved one’s room has been cleared out. For others, we look for closure after a personal ritual, or after the first anniversary comes and goes. “Surely then, we will have closure,” we think. We pray.
But what an odd concept really, closure….as if we could turn the lock and throw away the key, as if we could truly close the door on our emotions and our love for someone lost. The truth, of course, is far more complex. The ‘closure’ that we all strive for loses its relevancy in the realms of loss and love.
Closure may work well in the world of practical matters – with business deals and real estate transactions. But closure does not apply to the human heart, not in a pure sense. It isn't possible to permanently close the door on the past as if it didn't exist. And why would we want to anyway . . . really? If we so thoroughly detached from our loss, we would not only close the door on the pain but we would also sever the connection to our loved one.
In losing someone dear to us, it’s important to remember that the relationship itself is not over. Death cannot take away the love that weaves its way through every fiber of our being. Love will always triumph over death in this regard. We want to hold our cherished memories close to our heart, recognizing that our love is an essential part of us. In fact, we want to open the door, not close it, onto the reality of living with loss.
Perhaps it is better to drop the idea of closure and think instead in terms of healing and growth. We can process our pain and move to deeper and deeper levels of healing; we can find ways to move on while holding our relationship with our loved one forever in our hearts; we can channel our pain into meaningful activities to honor our loved ones; we can even learn to smile again, breathe again and love again.
Our loss becomes love transformed, transformed from that which relies on physical presence to something more pure. So let us not strive for closure. When we do that, we unwittingly close the door on all the love that we shared. And, truly, that would be a loss too terrible to bear.

This process of mending our broken heart..
Healing our heart is a multifaceted process that takes patience. The first step is to acknowledge that our heart is broken. Whether it is through the death of a loved one, a relationship ending or a betrayal in a close relationship the broken heart will heal.
Once we accept the pain and embrace the experience the process of healing our heart has begun. The natural inclination is to protect the heart by denying that the heart is broken. Anger and blame can easily be a way to mask the pain focusing outside of self.
The heart is the healer, the purifier. The heart's purpose is to give and receive love unconditionally. In learning the art of healing our heart we need to be conscious of our heart's natural function. It is important to not close down the heart as a result of the pain. This is simple but it is not easy.

Be Patient

Be patient with the process of healing the heart. It does take time. There is no need to rush an organic process that is done from the inside out. Remember to stay in the moment.
It is difficult to be present to the pain when our natural inclination is to avoid the harshness of the experience. Be patient with the process knowing that we honor our body as well as our mind, emotions and spirit when we consciously focus our intention on healing.
In surrendering to the pain in our heart the universe provides us with what we need in order to heal. So be patient with the process. We attract to us the compassionate, loving friends that support our healing. All we need to do is receive their love.

Self-Love

Self-love is an essential ingredient in healing our heart. Love is a powerful energy that is within us and all around us.
God is love, and we, being the children of God means that our essence is love. It takes the powerful energy of self-love to heal the shattered heart.
Self-love is necessary for us to live as the spirit beings that we are, having a human experience. So many of us focus on seeking love from outside of ourselves through our relationships with parents, friends, intimate partners and children. We all want to give and receive love.
When we by-pass self-love and search for love from others first, we hinder our growth and development as spiritual beings. Then when our hearts are broken our challenge to heal is more compounded.
The place to begin first and foremost on our spiritual journey is with self-love especially as we are healing the broken heart. Through consciously breathing into the heart, having patience and receiving support from loved ones and the Universe our broken hearts will heal. Our hearts will then be capable of loving even more powerfully without limitations.

As Always I wish you peace for your shattered heart and a level path in your journey.

Thank you for talking time to read my thoughts..
Cal821
__________________
Memory can only tell us what we were,
in the company of those we loved;
it cannot help us find what each of us, alone, must now become.
Yet no person is really alone;
those who live no more echo still within our thoughts and words,
and what they did has become woven into what we are.

I wish you peace and a level path on your journey...

Cal821
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  #2  
Old August 19th, 2014, 08:31
cal821 cal821 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 477
Default

Bump up to re read
__________________
Memory can only tell us what we were,
in the company of those we loved;
it cannot help us find what each of us, alone, must now become.
Yet no person is really alone;
those who live no more echo still within our thoughts and words,
and what they did has become woven into what we are.

I wish you peace and a level path on your journey...

Cal821
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  #3  
Old September 15th, 2015, 10:11
cal821 cal821 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 477
Default

bump up for a re-read
__________________
Memory can only tell us what we were,
in the company of those we loved;
it cannot help us find what each of us, alone, must now become.
Yet no person is really alone;
those who live no more echo still within our thoughts and words,
and what they did has become woven into what we are.

I wish you peace and a level path on your journey...

Cal821
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