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  #1  
Old July 6th, 2007, 15:17
cassiem0221 cassiem0221 is offline
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Default Sister lost a friend

My half-sister lost one of her really good friends last year. It was so terrible to see her grieving over someone so young. Death is most always "unexpected" but with someone so young, it truly is unexpected. The girl was in the car with her older boy friend and he wrecked and it killed her and just hurt him a little. My sister holds him responsible and is very hateful to him.. Any advice on how to get her to understand that it wasn't his fault.. They were meeting an oncoming car and he swerved to miss them and hit a tree.. it was terrible but he done what he thought was best..
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  #2  
Old July 6th, 2007, 17:31
harmony_mom harmony_mom is offline
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Gosh, that's so awful for her. I'm not sure how you can help her to not blame him. How long ago was the accident? Anger is a natural phase of grief, so it is important to let her feel that anger, no matter who it is directed at. She needs to allow herself to fully process all of the feelings associated with grief. If it's been quite a while since the accident, and she's had plenty of time to process those feelings then maybe you explain to her that forgiveness is also a part of healing, and that for her to be able to let go of the negativity will allow her to bring all of the good memories about her friend to the surface.
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Old July 7th, 2007, 09:57
Calypso Calypso is offline
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I agree with harmony mom, anger is a natural part of healing. It's best if she can vent the anger to friends and family, rather than at the young man who is probably still grieving himself. If you give her a chance to get the anger out into the open rather than convince her that she's "wrong" to feel that way, she'll probably work through it on her own.

Physical activity is a great way for teens to vent anger since they don't always do so well putting feelings into words. Invite her out for an early morning jog or a hard game of tennis and let her work out her rage that way.
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  #4  
Old July 8th, 2007, 11:15
Taggart Taggart is offline
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I agree with the above posts. I suspect that for most of us, we can't rush the grieving process, with its various different stages which may include anger.

I suppose the details of the relationship or her boyfriend may contribute to your half-sister's feelings and complicate them. I hope she finds comfort.
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  #5  
Old July 8th, 2007, 15:27
SageMother SageMother is offline
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I think she is probably reacting quite normally, as others have said. I hope she hasn't confronted the poor boyfriend, though. I imagine he's just shattered over the whole event.
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  #6  
Old July 9th, 2007, 15:37
trick-r-treat trick-r-treat is offline
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I think most people will feel that way towards him, unfortunately. He will have a very hard time dealing with that and his own pain of losing her and being involved in her death, even if it wasn't his fault.
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  #7  
Old July 10th, 2007, 00:57
cassiem0221 cassiem0221 is offline
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The accident has been months ago. The poor boyfriend is still heartbroken.. He has been referred to a psychologist to help him get through this. My sister, to my knowledge, hasn't actually confronted him but I do know she has expressed her feelings quite strongly to mutual friends whom I am sure have told him... I just hope she settles down soon. Thanks for all your tips.
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  #8  
Old July 11th, 2007, 23:01
SageMother SageMother is offline
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I hope getting counseling is helping hm. I can't imagine what it would be like to have to remain in the same community with people who blamed you for something so completely devastating.
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  #9  
Old January 10th, 2008, 23:56
twocents twocents is offline
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I don't think it is really fair to expect your sister to calm down or cool down. The anger and feelings she is going through are all valid and real for her. She has to be allowed to express them and grow through them.

One of the worst things to do is expect her to just get over them or try to forget them, because she never will. get her someone she can talk to and then invite the boyfriend to talk with her, but do it in a way were both of them will be able to grieve together. It is important for them to do that because they are both, in the end, missing the same person.
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  #10  
Old January 18th, 2008, 00:16
crystal crystal is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cassiem0221 View Post
My half-sister lost one of her really good friends last year. It was so terrible to see her grieving over someone so young. Death is most always "unexpected" but with someone so young, it truly is unexpected. The girl was in the car with her older boy friend and he wrecked and it killed her and just hurt him a little. My sister holds him responsible and is very hateful to him.. Any advice on how to get her to understand that it wasn't his fault.. They were meeting an oncoming car and he swerved to miss them and hit a tree.. it was terrible but he done what he thought was best..
You can talk with her but to be honest this is something that she is going to have to come to grips with on her own. The only thing you can do is guide her until she makes it to her destination.
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