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Old June 16th, 2010, 13:34
hollywood hollywood is offline
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Default Newbie here... struggling with feelings

Hi, I'm holly. I'm 19 and I joined this forum recently. My emotions are all over the place . I have lost two friends and one family relative while at college. My college friend James was in his first year when he passed away october 2009. He was always on a permanant breathing (ventilator) machine in his wheelchair. At the time I knew him, although for a short time, he made a difference to my life. He would always make an effort to say hi or chat to me, even as I felt so depressed and worthless. He brought a ray of sunshine to my dark, depressed days, always talked to me when nobody else seemed to bother - and others still don't!

Then suddenly we lost him - I lost a great friend. The last time I saw him we were passing in the corridor on Oct. 8th 2009. We exchanged 'hi, how are you' conversations then, for some reason I had an awful thought that he might not be around for much longer because of his vulnerability. Not wanting (I was too scared) to broach the subject with him, I kept quiet and let him pass me. I couldn't stop thinking about it though - I swore to myself that I'd go and talk to him to make the most of our friendship while he was alive.... I never got this opportunity as on Sunday 11th oct 2009, just as I was thinking about going to see him.... i was told he'd gone... passed away october 10th 2009 - due to illness he stopped breathing.... Oh the pain - I flppin well am still in emotional agony, it just hit me, y'know - why, how etc - I am missing him and my Aunty Pam and Harry Marshall, who had duchenne muscular dystropy soooo much. The pain feels unbearable tonight and I feel so desperate and helpless. My Christian faith does help but I have no college chaplain to go to at the moment. I also find it very difficult to talk to people face to face. Please help. In need of comfort, hugs and support.

Hope someone replies soon.

Love Holly xxx
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  #2  
Old September 19th, 2010, 22:17
JOHNSTILLLOVESMOMANDDAD JOHNSTILLLOVESMOMANDDAD is offline
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Holly , I will pray for you . I am very sorry for your losses . I feel you should pray alot and get close to GOD. I know how hard it is to lose someone dear. I lost my parents some time ago. I know the pain and I still feel it. I am sorry about your friends and your aunt. Do not get discouraged. Do things they would like for them.- a birthday cake, a dinner and invite his friends in their memory honoring them . ok for now, john
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Old February 8th, 2011, 20:11
GinaH GinaH is offline
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Default I lost my Mom and never thought I did enough

Hi Holly -- When my Mom died, I beat myself up for a long time because of all the things I thought I should have done for her. To help my process of healing, I wrote a song entitled, "The Servant of Her Servant," and posted it on YouTube with some beautiful, religious images. Some people have told me it brings them a little comfort. If you have a couple of minutes, the address is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1sI_RLR7jFs. It is also a video on GodTube (www.GodTube.com). If you listen to my song, you will hear how I stopped berating myself with the help of my Mom in my dreams. Now, I carry her with me when I walk in the evening. There is nothing to forgive. We do our best and cannot be perfect. You took time with your friend and I cannot imagine it didn't mean a lot to him. My best to you, Gina
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Old March 26th, 2011, 14:50
helpinghand helpinghand is offline
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I agree with John: "Do things they would like for them."
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