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Old June 16th, 2010, 13:34
hollywood hollywood is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: South East, Kent
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Default Newbie here... struggling with feelings

Hi, I'm holly. I'm 19 and I joined this forum recently. My emotions are all over the place . I have lost two friends and one family relative while at college. My college friend James was in his first year when he passed away october 2009. He was always on a permanant breathing (ventilator) machine in his wheelchair. At the time I knew him, although for a short time, he made a difference to my life. He would always make an effort to say hi or chat to me, even as I felt so depressed and worthless. He brought a ray of sunshine to my dark, depressed days, always talked to me when nobody else seemed to bother - and others still don't!

Then suddenly we lost him - I lost a great friend. The last time I saw him we were passing in the corridor on Oct. 8th 2009. We exchanged 'hi, how are you' conversations then, for some reason I had an awful thought that he might not be around for much longer because of his vulnerability. Not wanting (I was too scared) to broach the subject with him, I kept quiet and let him pass me. I couldn't stop thinking about it though - I swore to myself that I'd go and talk to him to make the most of our friendship while he was alive.... I never got this opportunity as on Sunday 11th oct 2009, just as I was thinking about going to see him.... i was told he'd gone... passed away october 10th 2009 - due to illness he stopped breathing.... Oh the pain - I flppin well am still in emotional agony, it just hit me, y'know - why, how etc - I am missing him and my Aunty Pam and Harry Marshall, who had duchenne muscular dystropy soooo much. The pain feels unbearable tonight and I feel so desperate and helpless. My Christian faith does help but I have no college chaplain to go to at the moment. I also find it very difficult to talk to people face to face. Please help. In need of comfort, hugs and support.

Hope someone replies soon.

Love Holly xxx
girl with experience of love and loss
often find talking difficult, suffer with personal probs
occasional major giggler !!
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Old September 19th, 2010, 22:17
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 7

Holly , I will pray for you . I am very sorry for your losses . I feel you should pray alot and get close to GOD. I know how hard it is to lose someone dear. I lost my parents some time ago. I know the pain and I still feel it. I am sorry about your friends and your aunt. Do not get discouraged. Do things they would like for them.- a birthday cake, a dinner and invite his friends in their memory honoring them . ok for now, john
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Old February 8th, 2011, 20:11
GinaH GinaH is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 3
Default I lost my Mom and never thought I did enough

Hi Holly -- When my Mom died, I beat myself up for a long time because of all the things I thought I should have done for her. To help my process of healing, I wrote a song entitled, "The Servant of Her Servant," and posted it on YouTube with some beautiful, religious images. Some people have told me it brings them a little comfort. If you have a couple of minutes, the address is: It is also a video on GodTube ( If you listen to my song, you will hear how I stopped berating myself with the help of my Mom in my dreams. Now, I carry her with me when I walk in the evening. There is nothing to forgive. We do our best and cannot be perfect. You took time with your friend and I cannot imagine it didn't mean a lot to him. My best to you, Gina
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Old March 26th, 2011, 14:50
helpinghand helpinghand is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2011
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I agree with John: "Do things they would like for them."
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