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Old May 18th, 2011, 14:39
Tiffany Tiffany is offline
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Join Date: May 2011
Location: Notts.
Posts: 1
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Default Maybe a little advice?

Hi, Im new here. If you didnt already guess, my name is Tiffany.
I am only 17 and in February of this year I lost a very dear friend. My problem is, I cannot understand why I am finding it so difficult to move on. This isn't my first loss, I also lost my grandpa 2 years ago next September and my uncle 8 years ago. Both of these events affected me greatly, as expected, however the death of my friend Sarah just wont leave me. My thoughts about her are constantly in my head, Ive tried everything to distract myself and heal my wounds, but I feel currently as though the only steps I am taking are backwards. For some of you this may not be a surprise, but for me as a person this is very much out of my nature, I am usually the strong person and cope well with grief, or as well as a person possibly can cope. Sarah had such a huge impact on my life and I just cannot escape the constant reminder of her death.

Now some about Sarah: As far as I am concerned, you could not ask for a truly more internally beautiful person. She was a very young woman, with 2 amazing young children and a truly wonderful husband. She was always so positive and loved nothing more than putting a smile on everyones face, and she managed it, the second you saw Sarah you couldnt help but smile, her positivity just flooded the space around her. Her death was very tragic, as it was sudden and of no ones fault, it just happened to be that her current medication of pain relief and sleeping tablets combined for some abdominal pain was not suiting her as you would expect and caused her to choke on her own vomit. Upon hearing the news I was automatically devastated, and since there has not been a single day that I havent sobbed. Sarah was loving life, she adored her husband and children and did anything and everything for everyone around her and she is sadly missed by everyone. Ive known Sarah for around 9 years, and our relationship was amazing, it was like having a best friend, sister and mother figure combined, I felt as though I could tell her everything and she loved to listen to my silly stories when I was younger, those about crushes, relationships with friends, and what as a child I considered to be traumatic, such as falling over and grazing my knee or not getting something I wanted. As I grew older she continued to be the same understand, caring Sarah, still listening to my stories and putting up with my complaints over silly things. I have a huge regret that before Sarahs death I had stopped seeing the family so often, and now I feel as though I missed out on my last chances to see Sarah.

The other issue is her family, husband and children. I feel so sorry for them and her husband is aware that I will do anything for all three of them, but I cannot stop thinking about the pain her poor children must be experiencing. Being aged 9 and 10 they are fully aware that mummy isnt going to walk through the door one day and it has all been explained to them, they have experienced the entire process as this is what was decided would be best for them. However I worry for their happiness greatly, especially that of the youngest of her two children, being the only girl in the family, I know as being a teenager myself how much a girl needs her mum around this time, and not long before Sarahs death, she was taken into hospital with the abdominal pain, and all I remember is her daughter in floods of tears worrying that her mummy had to spend one night in hospital for tests. I dont know what more I can do for them, or what I can do for myself to help move things along, because this pain is becoming to much for me now.

Thank you so much for reading, Tiffany.
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Old May 19th, 2011, 11:35
tom-fisherman tom-fisherman is offline
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Join Date: May 2011
Location: Northwest England
Posts: 534

Shalom in Yeshua Tiffany (Aramaic for peace in Jesus)
Thank you for sharing your feelings in the way you have. I must say you are a very articulate young lady, and it is so nice to be reminded that there are many caring young people in the world.

The reason you cannot get Sarah out of your mind is because out of love for her you feel for her children. Just as Sarah took you under her wing, I would suggest you take them under yours. They will look up to you, and you will help your own grieving by helping them with theirs. Remember young children can be very resilient. If you need help and advice with this then this is the place to ask. We are all anonymous here.

The fact that you hadn't seen her or her children shortly before her death doesn't matter. Don't regret this but revel in the happy times you both shared, for this was the foundation of her love for you.

I will pray for guidance and peace for you and her family.
God bless you
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Old August 28th, 2012, 09:30
heavenlygirl heavenlygirl is offline
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 51

Tom I think that is great advice. There are those in our life we turn to and it sounds as if your friend was that for you and most likely you see yourself in her children. I think be there for them, love them, take them under your wing as Tom suggested. With time you can share things about their mom with them, talk to them about her life and the laughter you shared, help them to remember their mom.
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