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Old October 11th, 2012, 11:52
cal821 cal821 is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 477
Default "Crucial Steps in Minimizing Drama in Your Life after the Loss" Avoiding Undue Stress and Suffering!

As always I wish only to help I'm neither a professional or a "Know it all" the many repetitive losses in my life have taught me to think objectively.. and this objective thought pattern is something that may be able to help you who are new here... to see things in a different perspective.. this is all part of the beginning steps of helping your self. If you are still reading this I may have peaked your interest.. please feel free to read on.. You never know what I have to say may actually help you.. (The whole premise of this post here is to raise questions and thought not be inflamatory in nature.)


When we look deeply at our loss and the collateral effects afterwards.. A consistent factor comes into play.. Our loss makes us Susceptible to the daily increase of Drama, Stress, Frustration, Fatigue,Melancholy.. it makes us sometime our own worst enemy in recovery or even beginning the process of such. Our emotional and mental state is RAW... Deeply Bruised and throbbing in pain and misery...

The sheer "Magnitude of our loss" of our loved one just isn't bad enough.. Then the (Storm-Surge) or daily bombardment of stress and misery afterwards is what tears us down to the core. The Amplification of day to day life can become hyper- sensitized for all of us... and we then fall or feed the growing Fire by succumbing to undue stress by creating our own Un-Necessary or other peoples drama..

The hard part is some people get stuck in this stage.. it becomes a Vacuous Morass ready and willing to pull you down deeper into dispair if allowed to do so.. The Bitterness of your given life situation falls in hand then.. Freedom of choice to stop this progression becomes distant and unreachable for some... Un due pain and suffering will then continue in their lives... Un neededly all because they limited their freedom of choice to stop that viscious cycle.

Drama... Negativity .. is a natural progression after falling into our pain and suffering...

But you have a choice to stop the Drama..

*If there’s drama in multiple areas of your life, be honest with yourself—you’re the constant. Are you creating it? We don’t do anything repeatedly unless there’s something in it for us, so, what’s the payoff?

Are you looking for attention or excitement? Did you grow up with drama and you just plain feel best when there’s some around you?

Now aim to find alternative solutions. If you’re looking for attention, can you get it more directly? If you’re bored, what new adventure can create in your life?

You get what you put out. If you act in a way that is positive and minimal drama, you attract the same kind of positive situations and people.
Drama usually comes from my reaction to other people’s actions. I stop to think: Does this really matter in the long run, or am I just trying to be right?


*A lot of the drama takes place in our own heads, and it’s usually because we’re too deeply immersed in a difficult situation to recognize it isn’t as dire as it seems.

If you feel yourself getting overwhelmed by a situation, step back and realize this feeling isn’t permanent–nothing is. Then focus on action steps—on the things you can control. What can you today to proactively create a solution?


Be happy about little things, let the big stuff go because you can’t change any of it.

When people speak with you and become stuck in their stories of their own loss..If someone repeatedly comes to you with their own life catastrophes, give yourself a window of time when you’ll listen and then take care of your own needs by walking away. Also, resist the urge to jump into a pity party. Lastly, focus on your breath. Your calming energy may even help them let go. Just try not to get sucked into the pain.. You can relate to their pain.. but Don't let it effect or send you into another spiral event in feeling your own pain and misery ..

Just be. Anything you resist persists. Don’t add any negative or positive focus on it. Speak less, listen more. You have time to hear and see the drama and sidestep it.

There will come a time to "Take an inventory of which people in your life leave you feeling stressed and unhappy more often than not". If you don’t want to completely remove a toxic relationship, minimize the time you spend together. SOme people will just not be able to relate to your pain and suffering.. They may very well inhibit your overall recovery if you allow them to effect you moving forward.. This can be well meaning friends that voice their opinions, but don't have grasp of what it takes to pick yourself up again after your loss..

If you don’t want to change how often you see each other, recognize possible drama triggers. When the conversation moves toward their horrible mother is, steer it somewhere else.

Minimize dramatic people in your life..Befriend only people with good energy that don’t promote or create drama

A lot of drama comes from poor communication and confusion. Eliminate it by finding the courage to say exactly what you mean. It may be harder in the moment, but it can save a lot of heartache in the long run.

On the flip side, let people know that they can be honest with you. If someone thinks they need to walk on eggshells around you, they’ll likely hold things in—but they will come out eventually, if not in words, in resentful actions.

Drama comes about because of either misunderstanding or overreaction. Be as honest and open in all cases as possible. Quell your own negative emotions, which will in turn diffuse the negative emotions of others.


Sometimes what we’re labeling as drama is just someone who really needs us. Instead of expelling mental energy judging the situation as good or bad, focus on being there and being a friend in the moment.

Then be a friend to yourself and let the drama go when you walk away. A lot of the drama we experience in life comes from our interpretations of the things we experience—particularly after the moments have passed.

Realize that life is a roller-coaster and your problems are much like others’ at different times.


Sometimes it seems like drama happens to us, and we’re powerless to remove ourselves from the cause. Another perspective is that every time we find ourselves immersed in something that seems overwhelming, we have an opportunity to learn how to deal with challenges better.

Life will always involve mini fires that we feel desperate to put out. If we can learn not to fan them, they may actually be able to light our way.

Attempt to allow the inevitable episode, extract any potential meaning or lesson, and equally allow it to pass

You have unfortunately been dealt a bad hand... The deep gaping hole you feel has been left in you life after your loss of a parent, child, spouse, friend, relative or beloved pet...is one thing! A lesson of change...
From now on you have been touched by this change and will be for the rest of your days on this earth..
The path now to understanding, acceptance and recovery is going to be a steep one and you walk it alone.. Avoiding some of the pitfalls along the way maybe unavoidable at times.. as the experience from them maybe part of the overall design... But staying stuck in a frame of mind that will ultimately deter you from reaching a healthy understanding of events,loss, suffering and pain... As I said before many times " You Alone hold the key to your recovery" It's your choice to use it or not! Just please don't let Stubbornness to accept change cause you to lose out on seeing there is a bigger picture to all things in this Life.....

As Always for thank you for taking time to read my thoughts... I wish you peace and a level path in your journey to acceptance.. understanding and recovery from your deep personal loss.

Cal821
__________________
Memory can only tell us what we were,
in the company of those we loved;
it cannot help us find what each of us, alone, must now become.
Yet no person is really alone;
those who live no more echo still within our thoughts and words,
and what they did has become woven into what we are.

I wish you peace and a level path on your journey...

Cal821
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