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  #1  
Old January 25th, 2009, 12:35
lavender lavender is offline
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Question diffrent relationship with daughter

my daughter was always independant, and ambitious, even when she was young, she knew what job she wanted to do, she married 6 years ago and moved abroad, she has two children now, and the relationship has gone to nothing, she says she has moved on, and doesnt want me to ring her anymore, of course i am heartbroken, but i feel that i will have to respect what she says, has anybody out there got any ideas how to cope with this. thanks.
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  #2  
Old January 25th, 2009, 22:31
Rachele Rachele is offline
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I'm sorry that you and your daughter's relationship has deteriorated. It sounds as though it was her choice. She lives abroad now too which must be hard also. When was the last time you saw her and the kids? I'm guessing you would like to have a closer relationship with her. Does she know this? If not, you should tell her and ask her what she think needs to happen to bring the 2 of you closer or mend broken fenses from the past. If she is willing, than there's a good chance. If she does not want to or needs time, certainly you want to respect that, yet let her know that if she does at some point want to give your relationship another chance, that you would like that and welcome it when and if she is ready.
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  #3  
Old January 26th, 2009, 16:34
lavender lavender is offline
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Default diffrent relationship with daughter

thanks rachele for you reply. yes i have written to her and sent presents for the children,because she wasnt keeping in touch with me, i rang the hospital that she was in when she had her last baby and she didnt seem very pleased, she didnt ring back so i left it for a few months, and when i did ring she wasnt very nice, saying "why are you ringing me and all negative things about how i had caused the rift, which i have no idea about. she has told me not to ring again, and that hurt very much, her little girl is 12months old in march and i dont know what to do anymore, as i feel that she wants to cut all ties with me, she keeps in touch occasionally with my elderley mother, who refuses to get involved. i have only seen my grandson when he was about 10months old, when my daughter come to england to visit my dad who was dying at the time, i saw him once. i havent seen them since, my grandson is 5 in april.i really dont know what to do for the best. all what you have said about me wanting a relationship with her, i have told her, but i really dont know what she is feeling, her husband doesnt seem to get involved.
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Old January 28th, 2009, 08:15
Dancer Dancer is offline
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I understand how sad and frustrating this situation is but you said yourself that she is very independent. We bring our children up to let them go, if weíre lucky we stay in contact but that isnít always the case. Sometimes we just have to let go. I know how hard this is when there are grandchildren in the mix, I havenít seen two of mine for a few years now. All we can do is keep the contact with the kids and hope that they remember us. Keep sending letters and cards to your grandchildren. And if I may, I would like to suggest that you write your daughter one last letter. Let her know you love her and that you will respect her wishes and if she ever needs you let her know that your door is always open. I wish I had more to offer but the fact is that we brought them up to live their own lives. You should be congratulating yourself.
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Old January 28th, 2009, 14:12
lavender lavender is offline
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Smile daughter

thanks for the reply. i will take on board what you have said, i keep forgetting that when i was young and had children all i cared about was getting the kids sorted out and school and all what busy mothers do. and i dont think i had a lot of time for anything else. maybe she thinks like that. i dont know. it is very hard, to write a letter when you keep getting rejected for whatever reason, and i suppose a mother should have uncontional love. and i suppose i trying to protect myself from another outburst from her. but i will think about a letter. thanks again for the reply.
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  #6  
Old January 29th, 2009, 13:47
Dancer Dancer is offline
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You're very welcome. Bide your time is an old Scottish saying and if I had a pound for every time I said that to myself as a way of off-setting the sorrow I would be a very rich woman.

Take care of you. Try to enjoy your own company. Do things that will help you reclaim your life. Revamp your home, your wardrobe, change your hair style and even the colour, find a hobby, do the things YOU have always wanted to do. It's never too late. It is hard when the birds have grown and flown but it doesn't have to be.

The only people who get really, really sad are people who like being sad.
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