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  #1  
Old June 6th, 2007, 12:21
lilyflower_1978 lilyflower_1978 is offline
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Default Losing Faith

I was born with a congenital heart defect. One of the more rare and serious kind. When I was younger I often held back in sports or gym because I tired easily and occasionally turned blue. When I was 12 I had an open heart surgery and found myself being as close to normal healthwise than I ever had. Well, November 2003 that came to a crashing close for me with a visit to the ER. I had purple fingernails and purple lips, couldn't catch my breathe and often felt dizzy. It was scary to see how quickly the nurses responded to my arrival, no waiting for me. After they had stabolized me as much as they could they informed me they were looking for another hospital to send me to that would be better equiped for me. Basically the doctors at this hospital didn't know my defect well enough to help. A few days after staying at the other hospital I was ready to go home, however my life was changed. I still had a low tolerance for energy so going back to work was not an option and also told that for certain that I should not try to or become pregnant. To have those things robbed of you is an amazing loss that you wouldn't expect especially at the age of 25. I have cried plenty of tears, screamed a lot at God and withdrawl a lot of the outside world. It just gets so hard and I feel so alone.
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  #2  
Old June 6th, 2007, 17:20
tater03 tater03 is offline
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I am so sorry that you have had to have this condition. Learning to change your lifestyle is hard enough but to be told that you cannot have children because of it must feel like a double whammy. I don't mean to sound cliche when I ask this but have you thought about adoption? It might be an option for you to consider.
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  #3  
Old June 7th, 2007, 09:42
lilyflower_1978 lilyflower_1978 is offline
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My husband and I have talked about other options like adoption. However, right now my energy tolerance is still low and I'm on a transplant list. I often think that it is something I would like to approach after I'm healthier again but my husband does not seem as reseptive to the idea.
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  #4  
Old June 7th, 2007, 11:34
Mom2Bobby&Kara Mom2Bobby&Kara is offline
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I'm so sorry for everything you have had to endure and at such a young age. Life just isn't fair and it is hard to come to this realization as I think it is human nature to try and make sense of everything.

I will pray for your health. I know you must be scared.

Please keep talking, we are here to listen.
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  #5  
Old June 8th, 2007, 11:39
lilyflower_1978 lilyflower_1978 is offline
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Thank you both for your kind words.

I do find it hard to talk about this with people. I always feel that it just sounds like whining or complaining, so I bottle it up frequently. I am scared about what the future holds. The surgery itself is a huge part of that fear but so is life afterwards. I've been the girl with a bad heart all my life and it has defined who I am for so long. To have that change makes me nervous as to what else about me will change.
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  #6  
Old June 27th, 2007, 14:23
SageMother SageMother is offline
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I am sorry about your loss of vitality along with the future you had hoped for. I am so glad that your husband has stood by you through this.
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  #7  
Old June 29th, 2007, 12:49
lilyflower_1978 lilyflower_1978 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SageMother View Post
I am sorry about your loss of vitality along with the future you had hoped for. I am so glad that your husband has stood by you through this.
Well, my husband has recently informed me this is more than he bargained for or can handle and wants a divorce. I'm still hurting from that blow but also know I can't afford to wallow, I need to concentrate on my health.
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-Sarah
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  #8  
Old June 29th, 2007, 22:20
DefyingGravity DefyingGravity is offline
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Sarah--

I am so sorry to hear about your husband. I'm glad that this forum has brought such empathetic people together, and I hope that we can support and pray for each other through these difficult times. I'm thinking positive thoughts for you, and hoping that your husband comes to his senses, and soon!
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  #9  
Old July 4th, 2007, 08:39
Taggart Taggart is offline
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I'm very sorry to hear about your health and the situation with your husband, Sarah.

You sound like a strong person to me. I think your positive attitude will be a very important help with whatever you have to deal with.

I'm sure we all share thoughts and prayers for your health and happiness.
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  #10  
Old July 6th, 2007, 16:06
lilyflower_1978 lilyflower_1978 is offline
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Thank you all for your kind words of encouragement and concern. I am still hoping and praying my husband comes around after a little time apart. I also know that it isn't good for me to sit and wait or to be with someone who can leave me at such a critical time in my life. I guess I'm a confused bundle of emotions and thoughts. I think I'm going to seek help with processing them all.
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