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  #1  
Old November 27th, 2013, 03:18
ginahunt3 ginahunt3 is offline
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Default sudden death of my best friend

3 days ago my best friend was killed in a car accident. She was driving through an intersection when another car ran the red light and smashed into the drivers side of her suv which then rolled 3 times. She was wearing a seatbelt but was partially ejected. Her 15 y.o. son was with her and only suffered a mild concussion. Thank God. How do I cope? I still havent fully accepted it yet. I pick up my phone ready to call or text her then I remember. Then I cry. She lived next door and I keep getting ready to go over to talk to her but then I realize she's gone. We live in an area where alot of people we know were killed in violent acts and we were always there for eachother so I keep wondering who is going to b my strength now? How do I deal with this? I want to be able to help her kids get through this but how can I when I can't even face it myself? She was a single parent and they have family but we considered ourselves to be family too and I love them as much as I love her. I keep looking at the pictures of the accident, almost as if I'm obsessed, tring to make sense out of this whole thing but it's not helping, yet I cant stop staring at them. Is this normal? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
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  #2  
Old November 27th, 2013, 08:53
j's daughter j's daughter is offline
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Hello ginahunt3, and welcome to the forum. I've not posted for a while, but I see your message and recognize your sorrow. I'm sure others here will respond as well.

I am so very sorry for your loss. You lost a best friend, and you were a best friend to her. You ask how you comfort others when you are so very filled with sorrow yourself? Start there. Seek out your friend's family, especially the son who was hurt in the accident, and just be what you are a sorrowing friend. If you can't think of what to say, then say that: "I don't know what to say, I want to comfort you and be comforted, and I don't know what to say. I am sorry for your loss for our loss together." That will be enough to forge a link with your friend's family.

You needn't make the whole journey to peace at once. You needn't be the strong one all the time. Just make a start, and you will all go on together. Nothing will make sense for a while, but you are needed next door for a time. Just be there for each other.

You are in my thoughts.
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  #3  
Old November 27th, 2013, 10:15
Whitehorse81 Whitehorse81 is offline
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gina: You keep looking at the pictures so your mind can accept what has happened. Your still in shock. She was here one minute, gone the next, in the blink of an eye. That's hard to grasp a hold of.

You say you were best friends. I'm sure she would want you to be there for her son as he needs you. Do for her what she would have done for you. It's not going to be easy, in fact, darn right hard, but she is depending on you.

You will find strength in God and your memories of your friend. I'm sorry for your loss.

Jacquie
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  #4  
Old November 28th, 2013, 06:14
hazelharris hazelharris is offline
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hi gina so sorry for your loss i hope the people in your area will be there for you and your friends family, you ask who will be your strength through this shock and sadness your strength will come from within from the love you shared with your friend You don't have to say anything just be there for them the words needed will come as you all cope together to get through this awful grief
don't waste your energy trying to fathom out why all this happened it's beyond understanding we are all given a time on earth some sadly their time is far too short i know a loss through an accident is very tragic and so hard to recover from the shock but you need all your energy to cope with the grief. her children need to be your priority as you help them you will be helping yourself the children will all have different needs and will be frightened of the future i hope with love and understanding you will gather the strength to cope all together friends and family united in love
no greater gift can you ever give your friend than being there for her children now she is in heaven
my love and thoughts are with you all hazel xx
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Old December 3rd, 2013, 01:44
ginahunt3 ginahunt3 is offline
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Thank you all for your replies. They were very helpful. Her funeral was Saturday night and I was so proud to see how many people were there. The line was around the block and the wait was over 45 mins. long!!!! She was loved by many and it showed in the turn out that night. I went to the accident scene today for the first time. It was tough but necessary. I needed to go there. I don't know why but I did. It's just so hard not being able to talk to her every day. I find myself getting ready to call then I remember she's not gonna answer.
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  #6  
Old December 3rd, 2013, 07:07
hazelharris hazelharris is offline
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hi gina thankyou for letting us know how you are What a moving funeral your friend had so many people caring and loving her to say goodbye in this way it reminded me of a thread i have on here how long we live all these people will remember her in different ways your memories are very special because she is your best friend and always will be even though apart the love and friendship will always bind you together
i have copied the post obviously the word man is related to women as well hope it gives you comfort in your memories
HOW LONG WE LIVE
we live as long as we are carried in the hearts of others for as long as we live they are alive in our hearts

a mans wife or partner will carry his love the scent of him his touch his dreams his soul and everything he was
his children will carry the weight of his love his advice the sacrifices he may have made for them the warm feeling in childhood of being safe all the memories his insperation to be the person they have become
his siblings may carry his secrets the memories of growing up together remember him for the rock he was to them and his family
one friend may carry his arguments
one friend may carry his childhood
one friend may carry his advice and remember him for always being there in times of trouble
one friend may carry his humour remember the jokes and his sense of fun enjoying life making people laugh
another friend may carry his favourite song
one friend may carry his fears and terrors
and a best friend may carry all everything they were know their inner feelings their hearts desires secrets worries the sharing of laughter and joy and will carry that special love and bond of true friendship
parents left behind will carry his life from the day he was born carry all his lifes ups and downs see him grow into a man
a neighbour may carry a kindness offered when most needed
a work colleague may carry his dedication
and a stranger will carry a good deed a smile a word of kindness or an act of remarkable love and compassion
and the days will pass all with sad baffled faces grief will pierce into the soul of many people as the weeks and months go by a day will come one day when no questions will be asked and the knots in the stomache will loosen the tears will cease to flow and the faces will show calm again and on that day he will not have ceased but will have ceased to be seperated by death

so a man lives as long as we are here to remember them in different ways by different people until one by one we will all be reunited in heaven where we will all live together again for eternity
love hazelx
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  #7  
Old December 5th, 2013, 00:37
ginahunt3 ginahunt3 is offline
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Thank you for posting that. It has a lot of meaning. That's kind of what I've been trying to tell her son. He's been acting up. I know he's been through alot but so has her mom and he's been cursing her out to the point she's in tears. He's not that kind of kid and I just don't know what to do about him.
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Old December 5th, 2013, 10:03
j's daughter j's daughter is offline
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Hug him? Then hug him again?
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  #9  
Old December 5th, 2013, 13:27
hazelharris hazelharris is offline
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he's scared angry frightened and grieving and he doesn't know how to cope you must let him get all this out it's better for him this way than keeping it all inside
he may be using the anger instead of tears there is still this thinking with some people that boys shouldn't cry he may think he has to keep his real feelings inside try to get him to talk in some way you have to make him feel his future is safe and secure and that he is still loved
if you are worried he can't cope seek the help of a child bereavement counselor inside his world has ended the worst has happened he has lost his mum it will take lots of love and understanding
your friends mum is an adult with her own grieving to cope with but i hope everyone understands it'd different for a child how you all handle this will have a big impact on his future you all have a very important difficult job to guide this child through their grief
thinking of you all hazel x
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Old January 11th, 2014, 16:30
hazelharris hazelharris is offline
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have bumped up this thread to try and remove the unwated advrts that have not been removed x
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