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Old August 18th, 2011, 19:23
Rory Rory is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2
Default Loss of a brother and girlfriend

I am 27. 2 years ago, my 14 year old brother and only brother was hit by a car and died almost instantly. I had met my girlfriend a month previously and felt like she was an angel who helped me with the grief. I dont know how I would have coped without her. We left to go travelling the world and 14 months into our adventure we were in a road accident where she died on the scene. I watched her take her last breath. I flew home with her body 2 months ago. I now feel lost and cant believe how life can be so cruel to me. I am receiving counselling and although this helps a bit to let out my emotions, I still would like to speak with someone who has been in a similar situation because none of my friends or family or anybody I know understands what it is like to lose someone who you are in love with, see everyday and share a bed with every night. Thanks for reading.
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Old August 19th, 2011, 10:36
tom-fisherman tom-fisherman is offline
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Join Date: May 2011
Location: Northwest England
Posts: 534

Shalom in Yeshua Rory, I am saddened to hear the loss of your soul mate in this way. I will pray for you to be comforted.

Many here have lost loved ones and know what that loss feels like. Whilst my losses have been parents, children and friends, I can imagine the pain of losing my wife, and so can understand how you must be feeling. Everyone here is more than willing to help you come to terms with the loss of your partner so let this forum be the place to let your feeling out.

May God bless you
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Old September 16th, 2011, 12:03
cal821 cal821 is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 477
Default I can relate to your pain Rory...

I wish I could say something to take the pain away.... But words will not do it ....I know this first hand.

I was widowed just over three years ago as my wife of 8 years and two of our children were involved in a motor vehicle accident. My wife was critically injured in the accident and died 10 days later. I was the driver!!!!!!!!!!! Myself and two of our children came out of the accident unscathed just bumps and bruises. While my wife... the mother of our 3 children ( 6, 3,& 15 months) suffered and died. I was driving that day... I looked away from the road for a split second ( distracted by my children) and missed a large hole in the road surface which we hit and I lost (control of the vehicle)... So the guilt, the anguish, the pain is even more intensified 100 fold as my
in-attention caused the accident...

So Rory I know and feel your pain.. Three years have passed since then...

I have been in counselling for the full time... first off 3 times a week then down to every 2 weeks. I won't BS you .. you are in for a long painful journey dealing with grief...

You will likely have many regrets... your mind will replay all of the "what ifs" over and over and over... until it drives you nearly crazy. You will end up convincing yourself of all of the decisions that you made that were the wrong decisions. As difficult as it is... try not to "go there" in your mind. Believe me forewarned is forearmed.

Rory life will seem to be moving in slow motion for you for the next while. Your heart will ache daily from the pain of grief and loss. I'm telling you this because I don't want to sugar coat it and tell you it will get better for you. That is BS... With each passing day it will feel like an eternity. The pain will sit like a lump in your stomach... always there.. with each passing anniversary or holiday or celebration there will seem to be an indifference to joy or happiness. Not depression but more of a feeling joy has been nullifed in your life.. Stripped and now there is just a impact crater..

Iam sorry if it sounds like Iam coming off negative here. Everyone grieves differently and at difference intensities... You may have already felt these things or you will it all depends on how you are reacting to life as a whole now and what level of coping you are at...

But on a good note after all the levels of BS and pain and anguish you will gain experience from your grief... Hear me out here please...

Your probably thinking what good will come from all this BS and pain..

Please listen to me first then you can decide if Iam full of **** or if this rings true in you life. You may not comprehend this now but in about a year or two you will in the future.

I believe that we all increase our energy and our knowledge by experiencing the polar aspects of all there is to know. Our knowledge gives us an appreciation and understanding that makes us ever more complete with each new experience. In other words, we learn from experiencing both sides of every possibility. In order to fully understand and appreciate kindness, we must experience cruelty. In order to fully understand and appreciate joy, we must experience depression. In order to fully understand and appreciate health, we must experience sickness. In order to fully understand and appreciate comfort, we must experience discomfort. To truly understand and appreciate Life we must suffer though a death of someone truly close to us. And so it goes for every possible experience that exists, we experience both sides of the spectrum in order to understand and appreciate the opposite. We are meant to learn from every good and bad situation.

so this is the good that comes from understanding.. it is just unfortunate that you must suffer to learn..

I will leave you with this
I cannot say anything the will make the pain, loneliness and loss go away.. but I will say one thing time will give you the experience and coping skills to handle the daily pain of your loss. It will take the biting edge off the pain.. The pain will always be there... it's just not as sharp.. then over time you build up a level of tolerance and understanding..

I wish you peace at this time of pain... and clarity of thought in all the morass.. though it may be a while in coming to you. Just remember to breathe and try to take things one day at a time

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Old December 19th, 2011, 09:48
Rory Rory is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2

First of all I would like to express my deepest sympathy for what you have had to go through Cal. Secondly I want to express my gratitude for your reply. I just wish I read it 3 months ago. I don't think I could put it into words the way you have done. You pretty much described every aspect of the grief that I am going through. The "what ifs" and the guilt are empowering.

I have been lucky in the fact that my counsellor genuinely cares, because there are counsellors out there that check the watch and just care about the pay check. Believe me, I have experienced it myself. The counsellor I have now has been amazing and she has really turned my life around.

6 months have now passed, and I am in a much better place than I was when I posted my story and that is down to the counselling I believe. I still cry but it's healthy to cry, like you said Cal, to appreciate joy you must experience depression. It feels like you have been dealt the worst possible hand but you can get through it even when the thought of living a day to day life like "normal" people seems impossible.
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