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  #1  
Old June 3rd, 2007, 22:59
moonmagick moonmagick is offline
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Default Coping

I thinkthat it is much harder to cope with sudden deaths. Especially if they were violent or senseless. I have lost several close people to things like accidents and fast moving sickeness. You are just not prepared for it or expecting it.
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  #2  
Old June 3rd, 2007, 23:26
RoxyMoron RoxyMoron is offline
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I agree...if someone I knew had cancer, I would be stronger because I would have already gotten my crying out and not ask "why" so much, and they could enjoy the time they have left.
Sudden deaths are so unfinished...and so unjustified...you just can never understand why...
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  #3  
Old June 30th, 2007, 17:12
cassiem0221 cassiem0221 is offline
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I agree completely. I am constantly asking "why" about my grandmother. Why her, why now... It is so hard to deal with any death let a lone a very sudden one.
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  #4  
Old June 30th, 2007, 17:49
trick-r-treat trick-r-treat is offline
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When someone is suffering it is really more of a relief when they die. In a way, it sounds bad, but if you really love them, you don't want them to suffer. And you have a chance to say all of the things you want to them before they go. With a sudden death, you think of all the things you should have done while that person was alive.
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  #5  
Old July 5th, 2007, 14:51
SageMother SageMother is offline
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When my niece died suddenly the level of disbelief was intense. Then the mourning the loss of those hopes that had been invested in her future became an added level of mourning.

The double whammy can be overwhelming, but I think there is this sense of blame associated with her particular situation. I haven't really discussed this with anyone in my family because it just doesn't seem like a can of worms that I want to open as I tend to be the more realistic person when it comes to these events.

I imagine that other families have the same problems with discussing such events.
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  #6  
Old July 5th, 2007, 18:59
trick-r-treat trick-r-treat is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SageMother View Post
When my niece died suddenly the level of disbelief was intense. Then the mourning the loss of those hopes that had been invested in her future became an added level of mourning.

The double whammy can be overwhelming, but I think there is this sense of blame associated with her particular situation. I haven't really discussed this with anyone in my family because it just doesn't seem like a can of worms that I want to open as I tend to be the more realistic person when it comes to these events.

I imagine that other families have the same problems with discussing such events.
At this point, there really wouldn't be any sense in pointing blame because she is gone now. The best thing to do is to help each other through it.
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  #7  
Old July 7th, 2007, 11:01
Calypso Calypso is offline
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I used to work in the emergency room at a trauma center. We developed a bereavement program to help families through unexpected losses. I agree that they are very hard for families and other loved ones to deal with. A sudden loss just leaves so much unsaid and undone. Your loved one leaves the house healthy and a few hours later a social worker is summoning you to the hospital right away...it's dreadful.
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  #8  
Old July 9th, 2007, 23:44
jemoelle jemoelle is offline
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It is always hard to lose someone but I think suddenly and tragicly would be the worst. So many people have regrets and wish they would have said or done things differently...you have no way of taking back something you may have said just before which would really bother me...I really try to let people know I love them before they leave or before I leave
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  #9  
Old July 11th, 2007, 23:23
Calypso Calypso is offline
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Jemoelle, this is the best thing you can possibly do. The less left unsaid, the fewer regrets you will have when you time with a loved one comes to an end.
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  #10  
Old July 12th, 2007, 00:19
SageMother SageMother is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Calypso View Post
I used to work in the emergency room at a trauma center. We developed a bereavement program to help families through unexpected losses. I agree that they are very hard for families and other loved ones to deal with. A sudden loss just leaves so much unsaid and undone. Your loved one leaves the house healthy and a few hours later a social worker is summoning you to the hospital right away...it's dreadful.
Being the person to deliver the news of a sudden death takes a special kind of bravery. I am not sure I could do it.
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