The Light Beyond Bereavement Forum Bereavement StoreMovieBlogSympathy Ecards
Kindness in another's trouble, courage in your own...

Go Back   The Light Beyond Bereavement Forums > Loss of a loved one > Loss of a grandparent
Register FAQ Members List Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old April 11th, 2012, 19:59
JSailors JSailors is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2
Default Feeling helpless

I am an adult dealing with feelings of loss and helplessness. My grandfather is sick, has been for awhile and I am just coming to the realization he will not live forever. On one hand I don't want him to suffer and linger on in a state of illness and unhappiness for years. Until recently he was very active and illness has confined him to his home. He hates this new way of life but it is very unlikely to change except to get worse. I love him dearly and I wish there was something I could do to help him. I want him to get his health and strength back and to live for many more happy years I fear this is not going to happen. I am so proud of the person my grandfather is, he has spread the word of god for years and I know he has changed many lives for the better, helped those in need and has made the world a better place. I know he believes he will go on to a better place when his time here ends but this brings me little peace. I don't have a close personal relationship with either of my parents and in truth their passing's will have little affect on my day to day life. The relationship I have with my grandfather is special and his passing will leave a hole in my life. I wish there was something I could do to improve his health, I wish he didn't have to die at all. I don't look forward to dealing with my family after his passing, they won't honor him. My family is greedy and dramatic. I just feel helpless and selfish and silly. I'm an adult but I have no idea what to do now or how I will cope with his passing.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old April 12th, 2012, 09:16
cal821 cal821 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 477
Default I'm very sorry to hear of your grandfather's decline in health

Quote:
Originally Posted by JSailors View Post
I am an adult dealing with feelings of loss and helplessness. My grandfather is sick, has been for awhile and I am just coming to the realization he will not live forever. On one hand I don't want him to suffer and linger on in a state of illness and unhappiness for years. Until recently he was very active and illness has confined him to his home. He hates this new way of life but it is very unlikely to change except to get worse. I love him dearly and I wish there was something I could do to help him. I want him to get his health and strength back and to live for many more happy years I fear this is not going to happen. I am so proud of the person my grandfather is, he has spread the word of god for years and I know he has changed many lives for the better, helped those in need and has made the world a better place. I know he believes he will go on to a better place when his time here ends but this brings me little peace. I don't have a close personal relationship with either of my parents and in truth their passing's will have little affect on my day to day life. The relationship I have with my grandfather is special and his passing will leave a hole in my life. I wish there was something I could do to improve his health, I wish he didn't have to die at all. I don't look forward to dealing with my family after his passing, they won't honor him. My family is greedy and dramatic. I just feel helpless and selfish and silly. I'm an adult but I have no idea what to do now or how I will cope with his passing.
Jsailors...


I'm sorry you have to go through this torment at this moment.. It is an entirely unfortunate thing to watch things unfold that you have 0 control over.
It tears at your soul to see someone you love and care for decline and the feeling of helplessness runs rampant.. All I can really suggest is that you try to spend as much time with your grandfather as possible...

As you said yourself you know time is short.. This atleast will give you an opportunity for working towards some closure that will help you in a great way when your grandfather's time to go comes.


JSailors.. you have a unique opportunity to spend as much time as you can with your grandfather while he is still here. Life..... my friend is very short.. sweet and non permanent.. nothing in this life is..

I can only suggest you look at your grandfather's time as a precious gift instead of worrying about how your going to cope.. Best to take advantage of this time instead of wishing for a future that will not happen.. the way you want it too..

I wish you luck and please look at what you have now... which is an incredible amount because if your grandfather can speak to you and understand you.. you are blessed instead of looking at what you want for yourself .. look at the opportunity you are being provided with..


I'm sorry that this is such a painful thing for you.. I don't mean to come off harsh here but I just think you are missing a huge opportunity with the time you have left with your grandfather.. Time is a huge luxury......You won't know how much until there is none left........ Many of us here would give anything to have had more time with our loved one while they were alive..One more conversation.. one more laugh.. one more cry... And knowing you have precious time left with your loved one and are not taking advantage of it .. Please try to understand from where you are... you are really lucky... I just hope you can see this before it is too late.. It is not about being selfish.... it is about life making you unfortunately grow up and accept things as they are... not how you would like them to be. Take advantage of your blessings now because life will take them from you at any time without warning..


I wish you peace

Cal821
__________________
Memory can only tell us what we were,
in the company of those we loved;
it cannot help us find what each of us, alone, must now become.
Yet no person is really alone;
those who live no more echo still within our thoughts and words,
and what they did has become woven into what we are.

I wish you peace and a level path on your journey...

Cal821

Last edited by cal821 : April 12th, 2012 at 09:32.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old April 12th, 2012, 12:15
tom-fisherman tom-fisherman is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Northwest England
Posts: 534
Default

Shalom in Yeshua JSailors, I am sorry to hear about your worries and you feelings of pending sadness.

Your grand dad sound like a wonderful man who has lived a wonderful life in honour of God. What I would like you to do is start imagining the reception he is going to receive when he does finally go home. Whilst it is going to be sad and yes painful, would you want to deny him his reward for being who he is? Of course not, and I am sure you wouldn't want him to suffer either.

What you are doing here is wanting him to be with you forever, and he will be!! When we are in this position we start thinking about our own mortality. This can create doubts about the future both in this life and the next. Talk to him about your feelings. You don't have to be morbid, you could even make light of it with him and make him smile. Do you know what his wishes are for example?

You still have him so enjoy him while he is still here. He may have many years yet before he goes home so make the most of it. Don't forget he loves you and will know what you will be feeling.

May God bless you
Tom
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old April 19th, 2012, 09:16
JSailors JSailors is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2
Default Thank You

Thank you to everyone who posted a response to my original thread. I do spend as much time as possible with my grandpa now. I know the time we have left together no matter how short it may be is a gift. Having to deal with the fact that a person I love is dying is new to me but I am learning to cope. Also, something like this forces you to deal with your own mortality and the hope that there is something better that we all go on to once this life is over. I appreciate that the forum is here and that you have taken the time to read my thoughts and respond really does mean a lot to me.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old April 19th, 2012, 13:48
cal821 cal821 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 477
Default

Jsailors,


Thank you for responding back to us.. In response to your comment on your own mortality and how an unfortunate passing of a deeply loved one causes you to focus on it... Yes I agree it does but it is only a passing phase.

Worrying about the future will drive you crazy if you let it.. You can only control a few things in this life.. Trying to control or predict and outcome with so many Variables is impossible.. Your trust and belief in God and his glory is what will answer your questions about what comes next.. and believe me I spent many years looking for these answers after my wife passed away... I searched high and low for many answers....
But in the end came this common theme...

Everything in life is temporary, because everything changes. That's why it takes great courage to love, knowing it might end anytime but having the faith it will last forever.

By caring and loving for others we are opening ourselves to the greater good beyond this physical life... another one awaits us when we are finished here..
Our faith will take us to a new adventure when our time comes..


I wish you peace Jsailors your on the right path

I will leave you with this:

Eventually all the pieces will fall into place, until then... laugh at the confusion, live for the moment and know that everything happens for a reason.

Cal821
__________________
Memory can only tell us what we were,
in the company of those we loved;
it cannot help us find what each of us, alone, must now become.
Yet no person is really alone;
those who live no more echo still within our thoughts and words,
and what they did has become woven into what we are.

I wish you peace and a level path on your journey...

Cal821
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 21:43.


Copyright 2017 The Light Beyond. Visit the main site at www.thelightbeyond.com