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  #1  
Old December 10th, 2012, 21:10
Ann Sowers Ann Sowers is offline
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Default I lost my 32 yr. old son unexpectedly Nov. 8th

First off, my heart goes out to all parents that are suffering from the loss of their child. I never dreamed one of my children would pass before me. He had sleep apnea and I begged him to let me make him an appt. to get set up for a sleep study. Even told him I would pay the co-pays. He had been living at home after a nasty divorce. I made him wear Breathe Right strips and they helped him. He finally moved into his own place. Wasn't in there a week. He got a virus and had to go to the Doctor. I hate myself for not insisting that he come home and let me take care of him. A friend found him but it was to late. They worked on him for over an hour at the hospital but couldn't bring him back. I was a single mom for 8 years. We were partners, and I never let him down. OMG, I really failed him this time. I just want to lay down and die and be with him. I pray, I cry, I cry in what little sleep I get. My heart is totally broke. To make it worse the ex refuses to let us see our grandson unless we give her 50K. We have that on text and are going to court to get our rights. There was a reason my son left me as beneficiary of his life insurance, I plan to do what he entrusted me to do. No bargaining with her so she can buy another horse or expensive cowboy boots. Sorry for venting. I try to keep this part away from my 19 year old son or my husband. It's hard because he has been his stepfather for 21 years, but when it comes down to it, it's me that has to sign certain things. He doesn't understand that. I don't want to upset him, but he isn't helping by telling me what he is going to do. He has been a wonderful Dad, but I can't make him understand that I am trying to protect him from my son's ex-wife, because she would do anything to sue at this point. Help me with some answers please. God Be With You All.
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  #2  
Old December 11th, 2012, 03:59
gumek gumek is offline
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Default loss of your son

hello dear anne, first may i offer my condolances to you and your family for the traggic loss of your dear son and to also send to you a warm welcome to forum.
i came here because my hubby passed, one year ago. i lost my unborn child many years ago, she would have been 41 years of age now, i have seen her in a dream she is now fully grown in heaven, has pale golden hair and my blue eyes.i'm not wanting to talk about my own loss but i have a dear friend who's son died suddenly, he was born with a heart defect that wasn#t known about. he was 21 and he passed one week before his wedding day. his mum and dad thought they would never recover from losing nick. they are both church ministers and we all thought this would destroy their faith but it hasn't and they are now very involved with the raising of funds for this unseen heart condition. frances nd i talk a lot together about her son, she still has difficult days, the soul connection between a child and mother is very powerful and the loss of a child is not what any parent should have to go through, it isn't the natural order.

it is always so sad to read of family members only interested in getting money, very heartless, there are some friends here who will relate to this evil side of human nature and will come along side to offer their support.

i'm not going to say that christmas and your sons birthday will be easy for you, most of us just want it out of the way, last year i was in shock and numb, this christmas, well i'm not sure what to feel or think, i'll do my best, thats all any of us can do.

the pain and agony of loss is unbearable, we get times of respite from it but there will be times when you will and are feeling it would be easier not to be here, but you have another child, your dear husband and your granchild, when the agony starts try and focus on them, they will need your strength and you will be gvien that strength when needed, we all get it. we have some friends on forum who lost a child, your post will be read and you will be supported.

i understand that this time of year is very hard for many, our hearts ache for all but will all will make it through, we cant run from the pain, we have to go through it and with support and kindness, together just knowing that we are not alone will make it a little easier. to cry those hot tears is to allow the pain to come out. dear friend i will hold you in my prayers to be comforted, held, carried and strengthened. come here awhile when you feel to off load, you are never alone. please take care.

love and hugs sending to you.

chrissie. xx
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  #3  
Old December 11th, 2012, 04:02
hazelharris hazelharris is offline
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hi anne my heart goes out to you as a mother of 4 sons i can imagine in a small way you heartache there can be nothing worse than losing a child try to be strong for him he entrusted you with things to do for him as he knew deep inside you would find the strength to do this knowing how difficult it would be
i have had my own battles in the past year with x family and it's really hard it takes courage to stand up and do whats right when your heart is breaking but for the love of your son you will do it
never think or say you failed your son no mother ever does that there are things that happen beyond our control you did everything you ever could for him you loved him his passing would have happened wherever he was and if he had been at home your grief and feeling guilty would have been worse as you were there in another room
try to explain to your husband what you are going through you can't protect him from whats going on he may be feeling shut out when all he needs to do is comfort you and go through it together he hurts as well
your sons love is always with you you may find some comfort talking to him as we believe they can hear us even if you don't believe this a good talk sitting by his photo may help
we will all be here for you we all understand the loss of a loved one come and talk we are friends in grief on this site you arn't alone
thinking of you love hazelxxx
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  #4  
Old December 11th, 2012, 13:48
tom-fisherman tom-fisherman is offline
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Location: Northwest England
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Shalom in Yeshua Ann, I am sorry to hear of the death of your son and the difficulties that have arisen as a result. Please know that I have said a prayer for you to be comforted.

You really must share these problems with your loved ones. It is too much of a burden to carry on your own. They need to know that you are doing what your son wanted you to do. They have a right to know this and by telling them they will then understand, and they may be able to come up with some creative ideas to solve the problems.

You must stop feeling guilty about you sons death. There is nothing anyone can do when it is our time to go home. God calls and we go to him. He will be able to hear you so talk to him as if he was in the next room. The pain you feel right now is something that will subside over time, but you need your family's love to help you through this period.

Please keep talking to us.
May God bless you
Tom
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  #5  
Old December 13th, 2012, 07:47
Ann Sowers Ann Sowers is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2012
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Default Thank You All

I can't begin to express my thanks for your blessed words of support. I really paid attention to what each of you have said, and have also explored other areas of the site.

I started a blog to my son. The URL is http://www.letterstocharliethomasfrommom.blogspot.com. I can't begin to tell you how this has helped me. Last night I actually went to bed at midnight and slept peacefully. It was killing me that I was not receiving my daily phone call from him, but instead now I can go to my blog and just talk to him.

I had two chance meetings yesterday with two mothers that have lost children. One was at birth and another was when her daughter was 15. I honestly believe God caused those chance meetings. I am sure we all agree that right at first we are in such shock that a part of our mind is in such pain that we don't truly comprehend that other's have walked in our foot steps. Those meetings shocked me into the reality that losing a child comes from all kinds of walks of life. None of us are immune.

I have been told that I am to compassionate for my own good. That I get my heart stepped on by being to good to people. I ignore that because I feel as if God gave that gift to me. I can say that by losing my son, I have become even more sensitive to other's needs. I have learned to differentiate from the takers and the real deal. I have always tried to find something good out of even the worst of life's harsh blows. If this is my lesson then I have truly been blessed.

After the holidays, I am going to start making throw size quilts from his clothes for special people in his life. It will be a mission of love and a way for me to make sure his special friends and son have something truly meaningful from him.

I know that this post is upbeat, but am also aware that I am nowhere near being healed. I am very proud of these small victories. I know that is how I am going to get through this. God is carrying me and will continue until I am strong enough to stand on my own two feet again.

Prayers, hugs and blessings to all.
Ann
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  #6  
Old December 13th, 2012, 08:34
hazelharris hazelharris is offline
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hi ann i am so glad you have found others in their struggle a comfort with you own grieving i know in your heart you are still aching you do sound a strong person and i hope this strength helps you along the way and with your faith you will get through the heartache don't let people say you are too compassionate for your own good if the world was filled with kind people as yourself it would be a better place
we are not put on this earth for ourselves but are placed here for one another if you are always there for others then in time of need someone will be there for you
the quilt sounds a lovely idea perhaps your sons friends can contribute to it and you can all be together making this everlasting memory thinking of you
i have read your letters they are very moving i know he is very proud of you and hears all you say
love hazelxx
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  #7  
Old December 13th, 2012, 16:04
gumek gumek is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 746
Default you inspire us

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ann Sowers View Post
I can't begin to express my thanks for your blessed words of support. I really paid attention to what each of you have said, and have also explored other areas of the site.

I started a blog to my son. The URL is http://www.letterstocharliethomasfrommom.blogspot.com. I can't begin to tell you how this has helped me. Last night I actually went to bed at midnight and slept peacefully. It was killing me that I was not receiving my daily phone call from him, but instead now I can go to my blog and just talk to him.

I had two chance meetings yesterday with two mothers that have lost children. One was at birth and another was when her daughter was 15. I honestly believe God caused those chance meetings. I am sure we all agree that right at first we are in such shock that a part of our mind is in such pain that we don't truly comprehend that other's have walked in our foot steps. Those meetings shocked me into the reality that losing a child comes from all kinds of walks of life. None of us are immune.

I have been told that I am to compassionate for my own good. That I get my heart stepped on by being to good to people. I ignore that because I feel as if God gave that gift to me. I can say that by losing my son, I have become even more sensitive to other's needs. I have learned to differentiate from the takers and the real deal. I have always tried to find something good out of even the worst of life's harsh blows. If this is my lesson then I have truly been blessed.

After the holidays, I am going to start making throw size quilts from his clothes for special people in his life. It will be a mission of love and a way for me to make sure his special friends and son have something truly meaningful from him.

I know that this post is upbeat, but am also aware that I am nowhere near being healed. I am very proud of these small victories. I know that is how I am going to get through this. God is carrying me and will continue until I am strong enough to stand on my own two feet again.

Prayers, hugs and blessings to all.
Ann
anne your message is an inspiration to all of us, along with hazel i think the quilt is a fantastic idea, on another widows support group, called lifeboat on facebook many of the ladies there share ideas like this one and give great support and encouragement to eachother. there in the States, too far to pop in for coffee as some of them do. its a real quality to look only for the best in people so take no notice of those comments. i'm glad that you have felt to be held in the everlasting arms of the Lord and are now able to sleep better and i pray that you, me allof us broken hearts will be realistic and be kind to ourselves as we together continue on this unwelcome journey of grief. please take care you are in my prayers.

hugs.

chrissie. xx
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  #8  
Old December 21st, 2012, 23:37
Steve Mattson Steve Mattson is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 38
Default First Christmas in Heaven

I ran across a great poem by an unknown author.
I would imagine that all those that have been received into the loving arms of Jesus would feel this way. It sends a beautiful message of joy and reassurance of the grace and miracle that is God's promise to all that seek his love and forgiveness. As for me, in my heart, I believe that somehow, Lisa led me to find this to help me get through the holidays.I want to share it with all those that loved her, as well as others that have lost their loved ones.

My First Christmas in Heaven

I see the countless Christmas trees around the world below,
With tiny lights like Heaven's stars reflecting in the snow,
The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away the tear,
For I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year,
I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear,
But the sound of music can't compare with the Christmas choir up here,
I have no words to tell you the joy their voices bring,
For it is beyond description to hear the angels sing,
I know how much you miss me, I see your painful heart,
But I am not so far away, we really aren't apart,
So be happy for me dear ones, you know I hold you dear,
And be glad I'm spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year,
I send you each a special gift from my Heavenly home above,
I send you each a memory of my true undying love,
After all, love is the gift more precious than pure gold,
It was always most important in the stories Jesus told,
Please love and keep each other, as my Father said to do,
For I can't count the blessings or the Love He has for you,
So have a Merry Christmas and wipe away the tear,
Remember I'm spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.
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