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  #1  
Old April 26th, 2014, 18:30
engr628 engr628 is offline
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Default Grief is ruining my relationship.

Since 2003 I've had the best girlfriend anyone could ask for, in 2007 I lost mother to cancer. Since then when my gf and I would talk about marriage I would tell her I wanted to be ready in the financial aspect of it, but also the more I thought about it the more trouble I would have getting past the fact that I would not be able to share this with mother. I would not let myself even think about it. Well a few months ago my gf says she doesn't think she can see herself married to me. I've told her everything about my problems with not being able to share this with my mother. Now she thinks I didn't trust her enough to tell her sooner. Please help!
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  #2  
Old April 27th, 2014, 12:27
hazelharris hazelharris is offline
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hi engr628 i am so sorry for the loss of your mother and how it's still affecting you i am no relationship counsellor and it's difficult to give opinions when you don't know the people involved but i can tell you my opinion as i see it when we have dreadful things on our mind especially the loss of a loved one we can put up this barrier as we can't cope with it don't want to cope with it or even think about it it hurts too much the shutters come down and it's safely stored away when these fears and emotions are being stored they don't disappear there always there to be faced and dealt with one day Not having your mum with you at your wedding is one of the best days of your life but can be a sad occasion with a loved one being absent and has to be dealt with and if you had already come to terms with your loss it may have made your decision easier there are always ways of having some memory or part of your mums favourite things included in the ceremony or flowers she loved or songs etc if you had shared your sadness with your partner she may have helped you do this It is wrong of her to imply you didn't trust her enough to share your thoughts with her some men find it very difficult to open up to their emotions it doesn't balance the amount of love one has to how they reach out to their partner it's just that it's very difficult for some people to talk I think you need a good heart to heart on neutral ground find out exactly if the love you have for one another is enough for the lifetime commitment you have been together a long while i hope the putting off of marriage isn't for any other reason and you are using mums loss to delay the wedding you must be very sure it's what you both want i hope all works out for you and you know that's all your mum wants for you is to have love and happiness in your life x
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Old May 7th, 2014, 17:17
engr628 engr628 is offline
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Thanks Hazelharris, I don't want to fault her in any of this. I've tried talking numerous times but she doesn't want to talk. I just feel like she wants me to give up sometimes. I feel I've come to terms with most of my grief, I have been talking to a therapist. I just seem so lost anymore.
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Old May 8th, 2014, 13:51
hazelharris hazelharris is offline
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hi engr628 relationships can be very complicated couples either grow together or sadly drift apart i hope all is getting a bit better in your life and i hope your girlfriend is starting to talk about her feelings and where your relationship is going i do hope it turns out ok thinking of you hazel
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