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  #1  
Old September 18th, 2012, 12:05
Circular Circular is offline
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Default Suicide and why it sometimes needs to happen.

I must admit, I don't usually post stuff on websites like this.
But I think sometimes Suicide is the best route. For the following reasons.
- First and foremost. A main reason for not committing suicide is that time heals all wounds and that soon time will pass and it won't be as hard.

I don't believe this one bit.
Here is my story.

10 years ago I had a great job, made good money, benefits etc etc.
Then at 40 I was struck with a terrible accident that almost killed me. I'm now living with a left arm that is basically useless.
Right after this accident my Father died. Then I met my future wife.
She moved up to live me from another city and all was good for about 6 years only the issues of my accident causing me concern.
Well, about 3 years ago the company I work for let me go after 15 years of service. I was devestated. At the same time my Mother developed Alzheimers and was put in a home because my stepfather couldn't take care of her.
In the meantime, I was searching for jobs to get back into my field...I'm 47 at this time. Nothing....I live in a city that basically all jobs are bi-lingual and I don't speak French in my field. Okay, I figure it will get better. So I use the time to spend with my loving Mother, knowing that she needs me. 2 more years and my Mother finally died and within 3 months my Stepfather died. I was very close to both of them. I still don't have a job. Just before I lost my job I bought a condo and it has been hell with that also. Items like needing more money for the condo group because the developer messed up.
Oh, we need to give you 13K, nice. This is getting better. We managed to get the money from an insurance company. But then again they needed more money a year later...not as much but still. Our funds are drying up.
I grabbed a job making minimum wage. Not bad for a guy who has been making 80 k yearly. hmm...
Well I still don't have a job in my field. My car just died the other day because the timing chain broke. No need to fix it as it is too much money. Now down to 1 car, still in the minimal wage job. So we are checking out our one car to make sure it is up to speck and won't give us grief over the next year. Well, just got an estimate on fixing that car at 4 ot 5 k. NICE! Here we go again. I"m totally tired of everything and the bad luck and pain hasn't stopped for 10 years now. SO I think my wife would be better off without me. At least when I'm gone she still has time to find someone who can help her and take care of her.
Basically, I see no other way out now. I will 50 in 1 month and suspect I will not be around much more after that. Just can't live anymore with this pain and humiliation. I have never been so lost and empty and I fear this will never change. I can't go into my old age like this. I guess I will never grow old gracefully.
Peace to all who have troubles, I hope you have better luck than I did.
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  #2  
Old September 18th, 2012, 16:22
Mart Mart is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Circular View Post
I must admit, I don't usually post stuff on websites like this.
But I think sometimes Suicide is the best route. For the following reasons.
- First and foremost. A main reason for not committing suicide is that time heals all wounds and that soon time will pass and it won't be as hard.

I don't believe this one bit.
Here is my story.

10 years ago I had a great job, made good money, benefits etc etc.
Then at 40 I was struck with a terrible accident that almost killed me. I'm now living with a left arm that is basically useless.
Right after this accident my Father died. Then I met my future wife.
She moved up to live me from another city and all was good for about 6 years only the issues of my accident causing me concern.
Well, about 3 years ago the company I work for let me go after 15 years of service. I was devestated. At the same time my Mother developed Alzheimers and was put in a home because my stepfather couldn't take care of her.
In the meantime, I was searching for jobs to get back into my field...I'm 47 at this time. Nothing....I live in a city that basically all jobs are bi-lingual and I don't speak French in my field. Okay, I figure it will get better. So I use the time to spend with my loving Mother, knowing that she needs me. 2 more years and my Mother finally died and within 3 months my Stepfather died. I was very close to both of them. I still don't have a job. Just before I lost my job I bought a condo and it has been hell with that also. Items like needing more money for the condo group because the developer messed up.
Oh, we need to give you 13K, nice. This is getting better. We managed to get the money from an insurance company. But then again they needed more money a year later...not as much but still. Our funds are drying up.
I grabbed a job making minimum wage. Not bad for a guy who has been making 80 k yearly. hmm...
Well I still don't have a job in my field. My car just died the other day because the timing chain broke. No need to fix it as it is too much money. Now down to 1 car, still in the minimal wage job. So we are checking out our one car to make sure it is up to speck and won't give us grief over the next year. Well, just got an estimate on fixing that car at 4 ot 5 k. NICE! Here we go again. I"m totally tired of everything and the bad luck and pain hasn't stopped for 10 years now. SO I think my wife would be better off without me. At least when I'm gone she still has time to find someone who can help her and take care of her.
Basically, I see no other way out now. I will 50 in 1 month and suspect I will not be around much more after that. Just can't live anymore with this pain and humiliation. I have never been so lost and empty and I fear this will never change. I can't go into my old age like this. I guess I will never grow old gracefully.
Peace to all who have troubles, I hope you have better luck than I did.
Hello your storey is very sad and luck has not gone your way that's for sure but believe me suicide is never the answer , I lost my wife to the big c after 12 months of her battling it and never once did she give up , she had worked looking after the elderly for 25 years and 10 months after she retired she was diagnosed with I would have given up my job sold my house my car and everything I own to keep her alive every thing is just material things and nothing is more important than life , just to hold her hand one more time , to see her smile and even to feel her cold feet on me in bed so believe me it's not answer
Keep strong and keep going all the best mart
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  #3  
Old September 18th, 2012, 19:21
hazelharris hazelharris is offline
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hi your thread on here has caused me so much sadness as i feel so sorry for your depression if you ask the people who love you will you be happier if i was dead and gone you will see the horror on their faces better to be alive and with the family who love you than take your life leaving them with that to carry with them a burden to heavy for anyone to carry for the rest of their lives
millions of people live in poverty in this world do you think they are all sad and suicidal no most of them make the most of what they have and they are happy they don't need material things to find joy in their lives they need love and that is free
in my life i have had tradgedies happen like most people and at times my life has hit rock bottom but i never gave up hope for better times and eventually things can always get better you must never give up
my partner died at 50 and fought very hard for life like thousands of others 50 is not old you could live another 50 years and find joy in life again it grieves me to think anyone would just throw it all away life has dealt you this hand and you have to learn to cope with it please go and see your doctor and tell him you are depressed and get some help
like mart said and i know all our friends on here feel the same we would give up everything to have been able to keep our loved ones with us possesions money material things even the roof over our heads and your family will feel the same because they love you
your family need you alive to battle through the problems with them not dead and leaving them to cope on their own suicide is a cowards way out and i'm sorry if this offends you but just think of the hell you will be leaving with them do you really want that for the people you love
i hope you get the help you need hazel
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  #4  
Old September 18th, 2012, 22:14
Circular Circular is offline
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Hi Hazel,
Thanks for your reply I think the only reason I haven't done anything is in fact my family. But things are getting so bad, it is pushing that out the window and instead instilling feelings of being hopeless. Why would I want to make my wife go through this for another 10 years? I find myself asking constantly, most normal people like her, end up moving on and even having a better happier life. I'm no good, I have messed everything up not being assertive and understanding when it was most needed. I have brought all this on myself, my wife shouldn't pay the price for it. It's easy to say go see a doctor, but you know what, all he or she is going to do is put me on some drug and cast me aside. This won't solve my problems only numb me so I can't feel it anymore. I can get that with any drugs or alcohol. Life just stinks and I'm only now starting to realize that. Cheers to you and your positive outlook.
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  #5  
Old September 18th, 2012, 22:21
Circular Circular is offline
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Mart, I'm terribly sorry for the loss of your wife. I can't imagine the hopelessness you must have felt and still probably do. My Mom spent 2 years in a home, begging me to take her out of there because she feared she was going to die. She even threatened my life when I told her I couldn't and would weep considerably. Mart if nothing kills the soul more it is to see someone you love and respect suffer non stop for a long time. It begins to way you down to lowest of lows. I still weep thinking of her looking at me wondering who I am. I sure miss her.
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  #6  
Old September 19th, 2012, 03:52
hazelharris hazelharris is offline
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hi circular i want you to read the devistated threads on here from people who are dealing with suicide from a loved one you say you don't want your wife to go through 10 yrs like the last well believe me 10 yrs of what has happened to you is NOTHING to what she will go through if you take your life it will be with her for ever she will blame herself feel guilty and her mind will be flooded with despair to think her love was never enough to keep you alive she will NEVER move on in life as all her personality of who she is all the love in her heart will be gone she will feel inadiquate to love again lost angry and blame herself the person you know now will not exsist it will change her for the rest of her life you will ruin her so if you love her like you say you do why do you want this for her
there are people out there who will help you doctors don't always just hand out drugs but you have to emphasise how bad you are really feeling also at citizens advice they can put you in touch with someone that will help you manage your finances
you haven't messed everything up you have done your best in a bad situation thats what we must all do when times get bad not give up we all go through some really bad times i know you are finding it hard to cope but suicide is not the answer please try and get help for life is precious
love hazel

Last edited by hazelharris : September 19th, 2012 at 04:09.
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  #7  
Old September 19th, 2012, 11:42
tom-fisherman tom-fisherman is offline
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Shalom in Yeshua Circular, I am sorry you feel the way you do and I am willing to talk to you about your feelings but off the forum. Send me personal messages if you wish to talk to me.

If you want pity, find another forum to use as this is for those that are trying to pick up the pieces after the passing of a loved one. This may sound harsh but this type of thread is for another place, and certainly not to worry or upset the kind hearts here, who are trying to get over the deaths of their loved ones.

There are lots of other places you can get help from. Phone Samaritans or speak to your family or your Doctor.

Tom
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  #8  
Old September 19th, 2012, 13:13
Circular Circular is offline
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Default Really

Tom, thanks for the reply.
No I'm not looking for pity. That can be found anywhere. Thanks for pointing out that I should go somewhere else. No problem.
Thought I was in the right place because Iam grieving but maybe I missed something.
No more posts from me on here I will find somewhere else and no, Doctors don't work.
Shalom.
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  #9  
Old September 26th, 2012, 00:19
i will always love you xx i will always love you xx is offline
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Default hi Circular

Circular,
hi, am so sorry for your loss. I have just found your post, and wanted to reply, suicide is never the way!!!.. believe me.. 15 years on I am still trying to pick up the pieces and rebuild my life, my first boyfriend, we were together 13 years, out of the blue, changed my life and who I am forever.. I have had to be a strong person, you just don't know how someone you love and are so close to can be gone in the blink of an eye.. and how it affects you for the rest of your life.. please don't think that...others pity you, it is human nature to try and help by being there, I understand you have been through a heck of a lot and life is so cruel at times, I am now dealing with another kind of grief right now, I'm heartbroken and at times think haven't I been through enough.. Please just try and talk it out with those here who have shown they care enough to reply to your post, and if you don't feel you want to post to everyone, others have offered to talk to you privately.. just keep up contact and don't shut people out who truly, genuinely only want to help.
sending you strength and hugs
michelle
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  #10  
Old September 26th, 2012, 08:25
gumek gumek is offline
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Default amongst friends

hello dear circular, welcome to forum. i have read and reread your very sad story and have wanted to reply but just couldn't find the right words. sometimes it does seem that some get more than their fair share of troubles in this life, i'm so sorry that you and your family have been through so much. i read michelles post to you today, such supportive and comforting words, they came from a heart full of compassion towards her fellowmen. that is the reason we are all on this forum we all have suffered the loss of someone precious to us, we watched them suffer so much as they faught to stay alive. my darling hubby went home last december after a 2 year fight with cancer and our friend hazel also watched her love fight for his life. but they couldn't fight anymore and had to go. i can't speak for our friends here on forum but i wanted to go too, i begged god to allow me to die, i just coukldn't bare the agony of being seperated from my darling giuliano. dear friend it is almost 10 months since he went and i am so thankful to have found this place and all our brokenhearted friends who have been tere for me, have supported and given their love, we were all total strangers to eachother and yet carried one-anothher. hazel, tom, and cal +other friends pointed out to me that life is a precious gift and we must live it to the best of ou
abilites, in our case, for our lost loves sakes. yes we are all broken vessels we don'tunderstand whhy there is so much pain and suffering in this beautiful world, our tempary home, we have to try and get through all this pain and we will, i believe that life is a gift, that we all are on a journey and all have a purpose,you may find that when you come through this dark tunnel, you may be able to give someone the support and hope that they need, the experiences of life make us who we are. i don't know dear friend if you have a faith or if you have ever read the scriptures, in the old testament there is a word where god says, "today i offer to you life or death, choose life" can you keep talking to allow the pain out and tears are healing thats why we were given them. i didn't know what to say in this post, i hope i haven't said anything to add to your troubles, please keep in touch, and if i may i will be praying for you.

love chrissie.
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