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  #1  
Old June 2nd, 2012, 08:54
Shadowmare Shadowmare is offline
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Unhappy My Beautiful Nan

Hi everyone,

Im new to this forum and I am in search of finding ways of coping and people to talk to. My dear sweet beautiful Grandmother passed away on Monday night, while i was at her side. My mother did not make it in time. My Grandfather is now by himself for the first time in 60 years. I am not coping with Nan's death even though the funeral was yesterday. I wish i found this website and forum before Monday, then perhaps i could have been able to cope a bit better. I am a volunteer fire fighter of 11 years and have seen some horrible deaths, but they were sudden and quick, not prolonged like Nan's. I watched her take her last breath and the last image i cannot get out of my head is her lying there dead, lifeless, cold and pale. She had music playing in the background of her favourite songs and the one that was playing when she died was 'a time for us' from romeo and juliet but it was the piano and violin version. I cant stop listening to it, i havent slept, eaten properly or been able to focus since 2 days before she died. Im just about to fall apart and i dont know if i can pick myself back up. Seeing her like that was heart breaking in the hospital for just over a week. I stayed with her all night the first night she was taken in and i spent her final night with her until 4 hours after she had passed. I was the best grand-daughter she could have asked for because i did everything i could to help her and Pop out, even though my other sisters helped out but i was the one who did the most. She was like a second Mum to me, while my Mum was living in Qld. I went to Nan about everything and she was always there to protect me and stand up for me when my family would pick on me. Its so hard to live each day without her. I could never imagine my life without her just a month ago and now shes gone and i dont know what to do. I have my grandfather to look after now, and when he goes i just dont know what i will do
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  #2  
Old June 2nd, 2012, 13:31
hazelharris hazelharris is offline
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Hi Shadowmare I Am So Sorry For Your Grief In Losing Your Grandmother She Sounds A Lovely Lady As She Was Always There For You In Life She Will Always Be With You Her Love And Memories Are There Safe In That Special Place In Your Heart Her Love Will Never Leave You . What A Caring Grandaughter You Were To Her As Well She Must Have Felt Well Blessed And Her Passing With Her Family There With Her Her Music Playing Must Have Given Her Comfort
The Grief Hits Us All In Different Ways And The Days Will Seem Empty And Lonely Shed The Tears When You Feel Like It They Are A Release And Talk To Her She Will Here You And You Will Find Comfort
Be There For One Another Especially Granddad You Say It's Hard To Live Without Her But More Than Anything What She Wanted For You Was To Be Happy And That's What You Must Find Again Soon Happiness So Gran Can Look Down And Be Proud Of Your Courage In Carrying On In Your Life
We Will All Be Here For You As You Take Those Small Steps To Overcome Your Grief Love Hazelxxx
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  #3  
Old June 2nd, 2012, 19:16
Allysangels Allysangels is offline
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Shadowmare, Im so sorry for your loss. I lost my grandfather in a very similar way just before Christmas, reading your post was like reading my own thoughts. My grandfather went in pretty much exactly the same way and every night I still see him after he had gone in my mind. It makes me feel sick and after it had first happened I fell apart, just like your feeling! To the stage in fact where I ended up in a psychiatric ward for 3 months but then something changes. It's hard to explain what it is, the pain doesn't go but you begin to learn to live with the pain. Occasionally you see something that reminds you of them and it hits you like a wave but generally you go on because you have to go on and sooner or later you realise you're stronger than you ever thought you could be and while you always miss them, you carry on with your life. I run my own non-profit organisation and I was wondering if we could be of any help in bringing you a sense of peace, please have a look http://www.facebook.com/pages/Allys-...4154496?ref=ts

All my love,

Ally xxxxxxxx
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Old June 3rd, 2012, 13:12
tom-fisherman tom-fisherman is offline
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Shalom in Yeshua Shadowmare, I am so sorry to hear that the death of your nan is having the effect on you that it has.

Watching a loved one take their last breath and then seeing their cold body is very painful, but what you need to do it try to focus on the happy times you shared with her, rather than revisit this sad memory. Recollect the funny moments you both laughed at. Her little ways that made you smile.

Then it is important to talk about her to your grandad, and let him tell you stories about her. By doing this you will be helping each other.

May God bless you
Tom

Shalom Ally, thank you for sharing your Facebook page with us. You may not know this but there is a special part of heaven just for children. They are tended to by the angels themselves and because of this they take on an angelic appearance. Something the rest of us don't.

Thanks again and God bless you
Tom
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  #5  
Old June 3rd, 2012, 13:36
gumek gumek is offline
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Default dear shadowmare

hello dear shadow, i just wanted to welcome you to forum we are a family of caring friends who understand the pain you are going through at the sad passing of your gran, i am so sorry dear friend for your sad loss. very sad to be meeting you this way. I will remember you in my prayers as will many here who will read your post and be here to help and support you. There are no words that any can say to you that will lesson your pain but please be encouraged and keep in touch, keep talking, allow the tears to fall these are healing, and allow us to listen and sometimes offer a word of encouragement to you to give you strength. All of us are going through or have been through the pain of losing someone we love. You are never alone.

take care

chrissie.
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  #6  
Old June 4th, 2012, 01:03
Shadowmare Shadowmare is offline
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thank you everyone for your kind, heartfelt messages. It is still a huge struggle as today it has only been 1 week since Nan's passing, tonight at 10:05pm it would be exactly a week. I miss her so much. I feel so hollow, empty and have no motivation to get up and do things. I spend most of my days in bed constantly crying. I am trying to find words of comfort from God but due to the amount i have been crying i cant actually manage to even read any passages. I try and remember the times Nan and i were together, even though i laugh i just burst out crying. Ive never felt so much pain like this before. I constantly look at photos of her to get the last image of her out of my head but it just makes things worse, brings the memory back and feels more realistic just like it was last monday. I just dont know what to do anymore. My heart feels like its burning all the time and it physically hurts too as well as emotionally. Also i keep hearing someone whisper things to me at Pops. Twice it has happened and theres been only my mum in the room and she said she never said anything. but she was the other end of the room and it was whispered right in my ear. I hope Nan isnt suffering anymore and she is with the rest of our family
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  #7  
Old June 4th, 2012, 03:37
gumek gumek is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shadowmare View Post
thank you everyone for your kind, heartfelt messages. It is still a huge struggle as today it has only been 1 week since Nan's passing, tonight at 10:05pm it would be exactly a week. I miss her so much. I feel so hollow, empty and have no motivation to get up and do things. I spend most of my days in bed constantly crying. I am trying to find words of comfort from God but due to the amount i have been crying i cant actually manage to even read any passages. I try and remember the times Nan and i were together, even though i laugh i just burst out crying. Ive never felt so much pain like this before. I constantly look at photos of her to get the last image of her out of my head but it just makes things worse, brings the memory back and feels more realistic just like it was last monday. I just dont know what to do anymore. My heart feels like its burning all the time and it physically hurts too as well as emotionally. Also i keep hearing someone whisper things to me at Pops. Twice it has happened and theres been only my mum in the room and she said she never said anything. but she was the other end of the room and it was whispered right in my ear. I hope Nan isnt suffering anymore and she is with the rest of our family
gooday again shadow,just read above post, my heart hurts for you my friend can't say that it wll be easy, we all have to go through this dark valley at some point in all our lives and all of us at forum are in that valley with you. may i share a thought with you? when in grief it can be very difficult to read our bibles and talk with god, what may help you is to keep a fav passage before you, for example when Jesus says the words, " come to me all who are heavyly burdened and i will give you rest",( A prayer, Lord i come to you now, my heart so weighed down with sorrow, you have promised in your word to be with me and to give me your peace and rest, i now come to you a while, please give to me your rest, please carry me Lord and be with me on this painful road that you alone truly understand. thank you dear Lord, amen)

some dear friends on here helped me so so much when they said its ok to talk with our passed loves, talk to your precious gran, tell her how you love and miss her, cry with your head on our Lords lap, you see she will be there listening and she will be praying for you in that place with Him.

please keep in touch love, my precious hubby, now home with the Lord, grew up in Aussie, wonderful place. i miss him every day, cry bucket loads, talk with him all the time and know that one day the Lord will call me home and what a reunion hey love? the same will be for us all, praise Him.

hope to hear from you again, we all read the posts so you will hear more from us, please take care.

sending a huge hug, did you catch it?

xxxx chrissie.
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  #8  
Old July 1st, 2012, 11:48
heavenlygirl heavenlygirl is offline
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I am so sorry for your loss. I too lost my Granny and flew home to be with her before she died. My brother and my Mom were the two with her when she took her last breath and I know to this day she is missed terribly by all of us. I spoke with her nightly on the phone - we would have a glass of wine together and I would fill her in on my day, her great grandchildren, etc. She always helped put things in perspective. You don't ever truly get over losing someone that meant so much but you do find a way to move forward. Again, so very sorry!
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  #9  
Old August 22nd, 2012, 07:20
Shadowmare Shadowmare is offline
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its been nearly 3 months since Nan's passing and i still feel so hollow. not as much as when she left us. It seems that she is hanging around a bit but havent heard or seen anything from her for a while. maybe she has found peace in knowing we are ok and managing without her? i dont know. but i miss her like mad!!
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  #10  
Old August 23rd, 2012, 13:47
cal821 cal821 is offline
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Default Just hang in there Shadowmare

This is the tough period... the acceptance of the new situation your in without your Nan there physically anymore... She is always with you in spirit and will always be watching over you.. Right now when you feel sad and lonely.. Try to change your train of thought at those times.. refocus your thoughts on the good memories you had of your Nan.. Focus on how your life was changed with your Nan in it as you grew up.. Memories are our living gift...If you only focus on how you would like things to be and not as they actually are.. You will prolong your suffering needlessly... It is always hard to not have those who we have truly loved with us in physical form again... but we were blessed in their time with us .. we learned from them.. and will continue to learn even though they cannot be with us physically anymore.. The gift of our feeling.. our love.. our profound fondness for our loved ones is that in itself a gift... We have been able to experience it and appreciate our time with them more as unfortunately we cannot share that with them anymore physically..
In order to fully understand and appreciate kindness, we must experience cruelty.
In order to fully understand and appreciate joy, we must experience depression, suffering and upset.
In order to fully understand and appreciate health, we must experience sickness.
In order to fully understand and appreciate comfort, we must experience discomfort in one way or another.
To truly understand and appreciate Life we must suffer though a death of some one or something truly close to us.
And so it goes for every possible experience that exists, we experience both sides of the spectrum in order to understand and appreciate the opposite.
We are meant to learn from every good and bad situation in this life. And the loss of those close to us is a driving force of change that starts us on the journey of understanding..

I wish you peace shadowmare.. hang in there.. the loneliness will pass if you choose it so...

Cal821
__________________
Memory can only tell us what we were,
in the company of those we loved;
it cannot help us find what each of us, alone, must now become.
Yet no person is really alone;
those who live no more echo still within our thoughts and words,
and what they did has become woven into what we are.

I wish you peace and a level path on your journey...

Cal821
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