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  #1  
Old June 3rd, 2007, 11:54
SageMother SageMother is offline
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Default Teens and loss

When my sons were in high school they had several friends who died violent deaths. I never considered preventing my sons from attending the funerals but later some of my relatives felt that it was inappropriate.

How do you deal with the opinions of others when it comes to the way you allow your sons and/or daughters to express their grief?
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  #2  
Old June 3rd, 2007, 18:50
tater03 tater03 is offline
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I don't let what others say about what I choose to tell or allow my sons to do when it concerns the death of someone in the family or a friend. Of course my sons are younger but I really see nothing wrong with a teenager that wants to go to a close friends funeral. I really see more bad that can happen by preventing them from going.
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  #3  
Old June 7th, 2007, 05:13
sarahjane sarahjane is offline
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Isn't honesty always the best policy? After all, it's their last chance to say goodbye too, just like it's the last chance for adults. I think you were quite right to let your children attend the funeral and I would not worry about what others think in this situation.

sarahjane
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  #4  
Old June 8th, 2007, 10:27
lilyflower_1978 lilyflower_1978 is offline
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I think you were right to allow your sons to attend the funeral. Especially at that kind of age you have a belief that you are invinsable, too young to die. To be able to say good bye to their friends and see that life is never certain is a lesson that needs to be learned no matter what the age.
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  #5  
Old June 8th, 2007, 19:58
debrajean debrajean is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SageMother View Post
When my sons were in high school they had several friends who died violent deaths. I never considered preventing my sons from attending the funerals but later some of my relatives felt that it was inappropriate.

How do you deal with the opinions of others when it comes to the way you allow your sons and/or daughters to express their grief?
I believe that the opinions of others shouldn't be a consideration for your children. Only you and your child knows what's right for them and how they need to work through their grief.
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  #6  
Old June 8th, 2007, 19:59
debrajean debrajean is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tater03 View Post
I don't let what others say about what I choose to tell or allow my sons to do when it concerns the death of someone in the family or a friend. Of course my sons are younger but I really see nothing wrong with a teenager that wants to go to a close friends funeral. I really see more bad that can happen by preventing them from going.
I tend to agree with this. I believe a sense of closure needs to be completed for the child to move on.
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  #7  
Old June 8th, 2007, 20:01
debrajean debrajean is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyflower_1978 View Post
I think you were right to allow your sons to attend the funeral. Especially at that kind of age you have a belief that you are invinsable, too young to die. To be able to say good bye to their friends and see that life is never certain is a lesson that needs to be learned no matter what the age.
A hard and valuable lesson and one they won't soon forget.
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  #8  
Old June 10th, 2007, 15:16
moonmagick moonmagick is offline
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Not only is it a reminder to them that they arent invincible. But they most likely needed to say goodbye for their own closure as well.
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  #9  
Old June 28th, 2007, 12:11
SageMother SageMother is offline
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ONe thing I have noticed about my sons is that they are keenly aware of the fatc that "people don't last forever"...which is exactly how one of them phrased it.
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  #10  
Old July 2nd, 2007, 17:02
harmony_mom harmony_mom is offline
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I agree that you shouldn't allow other people to tell you what is or is not appropriate for your children in this situation. Not only is it a valuable lesson about the value of life, it is also important for children to begin to accept that death is a part of life and that it's okay to grieve for those that we've lost.
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