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  #11  
Old June 10th, 2007, 16:02
moonmagick moonmagick is offline
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That must have been so hard for you. I dont think I could have done it. I have seen friends and family waste away from a debilitating illness, but I dont think I could have had to take care of the clinical aspects of it as well. I commend you and I am sorry for your loss.
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  #12  
Old June 27th, 2007, 14:34
SageMother SageMother is offline
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It is hard when the lines get blurred. I volunteered at a hospice for fellows with AIDS years ago and got to be friends with the last one I "sat with".

I would bring those "Victoria" magazines and we would talk about the afterlife house. There are times I still think about how we laid out the garden, and who we'd have over.

Sounds silly, but we really enjoyed that.
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  #13  
Old July 2nd, 2007, 18:52
Calypso Calypso is offline
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Originally Posted by SageMother View Post
It is hard when the lines get blurred. I volunteered at a hospice for fellows with AIDS years ago and got to be friends with the last one I "sat with".

I would bring those "Victoria" magazines and we would talk about the afterlife house. There are times I still think about how we laid out the garden, and who we'd have over.

Sounds silly, but we really enjoyed that.
It doesn't sound silly at all, SageMother. It sounds beautiful and magical. Thank goodness he had someone like you there to sit with him and help banish his fears with lovely visions. He could have died alone and miserable. Thanks to you, he did not.
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  #14  
Old August 10th, 2007, 09:48
Taggart Taggart is offline
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Calypso, I'm sorry to hear of your loss and difficulty losing your friend in this way, and I admire you for providing the comfort in that case and in your career in general.

This reminds me of a very disturbing anecdote I heard years ago of a young woman who was working in a lab and saw her father's body, who had donated his body to research.
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  #15  
Old August 11th, 2007, 22:43
sandmike123 sandmike123 is offline
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Originally Posted by Calypso View Post
That's a good question...I probably did hold back a little with the family during her final days. She was not responsive, and like her loved ones, I wanted to cry and rage at the unfairness of it all, but of course having onen's social worker lose control isn't very helpful, so I did a lot of listening, a lot of hand-holding, a lot of reassuring.

And then when I left the home and got in my car I would shake and cry so hard I scarcely trusted myself to drive...and then it was on to the next family where I had to be calm and professional again.

Like I said, I think me and my co-workers managed to keep her comfortable and her family comforted at the end, but it was and still is a real strain on me. I wouldn't do it again.
I can not imagine having to be able to hold things together on a professional level like that. I was the rock in the family when my grandfather was dying of pancreatic cancer. I was the one who held things together in the daylight only to cry myself asleep every night. I did it because I felt it was my responsibility and that I owed it to my grandma to be there for her since she was always there for me.
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  #16  
Old August 12th, 2007, 19:52
Calypso Calypso is offline
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I can not imagine having to be able to hold things together on a professional level like that. I was the rock in the family when my grandfather was dying of pancreatic cancer. I was the one who held things together in the daylight only to cry myself asleep every night. I did it because I felt it was my responsibility and that I owed it to my grandma to be there for her since she was always there for me.
Sounds like you can imagine very well what it was like to have to hold yourself together because that's a role you've played. I'm so sorry for the loss of your grandfather and sorry that you had to be "the rock" and curb your own grief. It's hard, isn't it?
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  #17  
Old August 12th, 2007, 20:27
sandmike123 sandmike123 is offline
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Sounds like you can imagine very well what it was like to have to hold yourself together because that's a role you've played. I'm so sorry for the loss of your grandfather and sorry that you had to be "the rock" and curb your own grief. It's hard, isn't it?
Yes it is hard but something I felt I had to do.
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  #18  
Old August 13th, 2007, 03:59
cassiem0221 cassiem0221 is offline
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I know at the agency where I was a CNA, they did not allow you to work for the patient if you knew them. They didn't think that it was professional and then they also had many who would become torn as in your situation. I think it would be very wise to stay out of working for someone you know.
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  #19  
Old August 31st, 2007, 22:33
Priscilla Priscilla is offline
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Originally Posted by debrajean View Post
But, keep in mind, calypso that this friend needed you. I realize the pain of losing this friend was horrifying and devastating for you, but think of the comfort you brought to her.
I agree with this sentiment: I know it was so hard for you, but you gave your friend a chance to go to her death with a good friend to take care of her. I think what you did for her was so admirable.
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  #20  
Old September 4th, 2007, 19:51
Calypso Calypso is offline
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Originally Posted by cassiem0221 View Post
I know at the agency where I was a CNA, they did not allow you to work for the patient if you knew them. They didn't think that it was professional and then they also had many who would become torn as in your situation. I think it would be very wise to stay out of working for someone you know.
Normally our agency doesn't allow it, either, but in this case my friend specifically requested that I be assigned to her care. She felt like she'd been screwed over by several health care professionals and was afraid to trust someone she didn't know. If the situation comes up in the future, though, I'll try my darndest to talk the person into using the other social worker and letting me stay just a friend.

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I agree with this sentiment: I know it was so hard for you, but you gave your friend a chance to go to her death with a good friend to take care of her. I think what you did for her was so admirable.
Thanks, Priscilla! Looking back after several months, I do feel like I was able to help my friend and her loved ones. It wasn't easy, but she and her family were at peace when she died, and that's what matters most to me.
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