The Light Beyond Bereavement Forum Bereavement StoreMovieBlogSympathy Ecards
Kindness in another's trouble, courage in your own...

Go Back   The Light Beyond Bereavement Forums > Loss of a loved one > Loss of a friend
Register FAQ Members List Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old July 4th, 2007, 12:44
Calypso Calypso is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Midwest
Posts: 205
Default One of my most painful losses ever

In December 2000, my best friend Sylvia caught a bad cold.

Now, Sylvia and I were the kind of friends who were really more like sisters. She knew everything there was to know about me, the good and the bad, and I knew the same about her. We used to joke about how we'd be little old ladies together. We also used to say we had no choice but to be friends...we had too much dirt on each other to be anything else. Sylvia believed in past lives and said we'd been friends literally forever.

In January of 2001, Sylvia went into the hospital with pneumonia. She never came out. She died of adult respiratory distress syndrome on January 18, 2001, with her life partner holding one of her hands, me holding the other, and the rest of her family present around her bed whispering their love and support.

I had never felt so devastated before, and I hope I never do again. It seemed all I could do was cry. A simple greeting like, "Hello, how are you?" was enough to trigger a storm of tears. I couldn't work. I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep. All I could do was grieve. I even thought about suicide.

Although it felt horrible at the time, allowing myself to surrender to those feelings and grieve so deeply and completely was probably the best thing I could have done. In a few months, I felt a subtle shift. I was still miserable, but even in the misery I could laugh at the funny times Sylvia and I had shared. Slowly, slowly the worst of the pain faded away until missing Sylvia became a constant low-level sadness rather than daily agony. In time, the worst of the sadness passed, too.

There are still times when I cry for Sylvia--when I see a gift that would have been perfect for her, when I visit her grave, when I write about her as I am doing now. But never for one second have I regretted knowing her and loving her. The depth of my grief is a reflection of the joy she brought to my life, and I am a richer, kinder, more sympathetic and more loving person for having had her walk with me on my journey.
__________________
Writers and readers are welcome at
www.debrastang.net
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old July 6th, 2007, 00:55
harmony_mom harmony_mom is offline
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 24
Default

How devastating to lose someone so suddenly. It makes a person think differently about a simple cold. You would never expect such a thing. But as heartbreaking as your story is, it is also quite beautiful. I'm so glad you shared it.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old July 7th, 2007, 01:50
Calypso Calypso is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Midwest
Posts: 205
Default

I'm firmly convinced that Sylvia died because she didn't have health insurance. She didn't want to go to a doctor because of the bills, so she kept trying home remedies while she got sicker and sicker. That's why I'm so committed to universal health insurance coverage, to avoid senseless deaths like Sylvia's.
__________________
Writers and readers are welcome at
www.debrastang.net
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old July 7th, 2007, 16:22
lilyflower_1978 lilyflower_1978 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 53
Default

Calypso, I am so sorry for your loss. I have a friend that I concider more family than friend and I would be totally lost without that connection in my life.

I'm on board with you about the health care system our country has. I know I have put off going to doctors in the past because I didn't have coverage and knew I would never be able to pay for it. Love to hear more of what you are doing and how to get involved.
__________________
-Sarah
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old July 12th, 2007, 13:30
DefyingGravity DefyingGravity is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 30
Default

This is so devastating! I am so sorry for your loss.

Our health care system is out of whack for something like this to happen.

Sure, some home remedies are fine. My chiropractor shares holistic methods with me. For a while I had a series of UTI's, and had to constantly take antibiotics. Now, to ward off UTI's, I use holistic methods. However, if I do get a UTI, I will take the necessary medications so as not to develop worse conditions, like kidney problems.There's precautionary methods, and then there's treatment for full-blown illness.

It's sad that our health care system is so tricky, especially with insurance and some of the extremely high costs. I can't believe the outrageous amounts they can bill you for a box of tissues or a pair of crutches! It's insane!
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old July 14th, 2007, 23:56
sandmike123 sandmike123 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 58
Default

I am so sorry that is horrible. I couldn't imagine what you went through.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old July 16th, 2007, 20:21
Calypso Calypso is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Midwest
Posts: 205
Default

Thanks, everyone, for your kind words. I find myself missing her especially this week as I wait to have a lump in one of my breasts biopsied. She would have been right at my side and supportive all the way. Yes, I have other friends who are there for me, and I love them dearly, but there's still a Sylvia-sized hole in my heart.
__________________
Writers and readers are welcome at
www.debrastang.net
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old July 17th, 2007, 05:18
luciestorrs luciestorrs is offline
Administrator
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 137
Default

Dear Calypso, life has certainly thrown a lot at you over the years... it is a total credit to you that you are such a caring, generous, warm-hearted and sympathetic person. Just to let you know that I am thinking of you and wishing you all the very best with the test results - and I am sure that everyone else here feels the same. Please do keep us posted.
__________________
Lucie Storrs, creator of www.TheLightBeyond.com

Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep: over 250 funeral poems, quotes and readings
If There's Anything I Can Do...: full of practical ways to help the bereaved
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old July 20th, 2007, 08:29
Taggart Taggart is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 189
Default

Our thoughts are with you, Calypso.

I can identify with seeing a gift, book or movie that you know someone would have enjoyed. That still happens to me when I see a movie my father would have enjoyed and he passed away in 1993.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old July 27th, 2007, 01:17
SageMother SageMother is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 106
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Calypso View Post
I'm firmly convinced that Sylvia died because she didn't have health insurance. She didn't want to go to a doctor because of the bills, so she kept trying home remedies while she got sicker and sicker. That's why I'm so committed to universal health insurance coverage, to avoid senseless deaths like Sylvia's.
You are so right! This is one of the things I remind people of, not only when it comes to health insurance, but also the use of alternative medicine and home remedies. Many times, a condition must be dealt with aggressively to clear the path towards wellness.

I am so glad that you spoke out about this.
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 18:21.


Copyright 2017 The Light Beyond. Visit the main site at www.thelightbeyond.com