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-   -   " Suggestive Advice for Getting through the holidays" (http://www.thelightbeyond.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2901)

cal821 November 27th, 2014 11:39

" Suggestive Advice for Getting through the holidays"
 
You might be wondering how to cope with your grief this holiday season.

With the first fallen leaf of autumn, we begin to anticipate the holidays ahead. Our senses are acute and take in everything: the smell of turkey roasting and freshly baked pies; the holiday songs playing on the radio; the sound of laughter from our loved ones who have gathered together. But for those of us who are experiencing illness, grief, or the loss of a loved one, the holidays can be a time of sadness, pain, anger, or dread.

The ebb and flow of grief can overwhelm us with waves of memories, especially during the holidays. Grief will also magnify the stress that is already a part of the holiday season. How do we begin to fill the emptiness we feel when it seems everyone else is overflowing with joy? There are some strategies to help you cope during the holidays and beyond.


Strategies for Survival


Offer Yourself Some Grace
The best thing you can do this holiday season is be kind to yourself. Give yourself permission to feel whatever it is your feeling. Donít fall prey to the belief that you have to feel a certain way or do certain things for your holiday to be ďnormal.Ē If you feel sad, allow the tears to come; if you feel angry, allow yourself to vent some steam.

Be Kind to Yourself
Get the rest and nourishment you need. Donít take on any more than you can handle. If you need to be alone, honor that. If you crave the company and affection of others, seek it out. Do whatever it is that feels right to you.

Ask For and Accept Help
The holiday season is no time to feign strength and independence. You will need the help and support of others to get through. Donít feel as though you are a burden. People get immense satisfaction and joy from helping those they care about.

In times of need, other people desire to help but often donít know how. This is the time for you to speak up and make your needs known. If you need someone to help you with meals, shopping, or decorating, tell them so. They will be delighted to feel like they are helping you in some way.

The same holds true for your emotional needs. Friends and family may feel uncomfortable when it comes to talking about your grief. They may think that you donít want to talk about it and donít want to remind you of your pain. Again, you will have to direct them in the best way to help you. If you want to talk about what youíre going through or just want a shoulder to cry on, let your loved ones know.

Find Support
Sharing your feelings is the best way to get through them. You need people you can talk to. Friends and relatives can be a great support to us during times of grief, but they are sometimes full of their own grief or so immersed in the business of the holidays that they cannot be a support to you. Support groups for caregivers and the bereaved are plentiful during the holiday season. Check with local churches, community centers, and hospice agencies to find a group that suites you. Support group members often make friends that end up being a source of support for years to come.


Make a Difference
Most of us like to help others during the holiday season. Taking the ornament off the tree at the mall, dropping our change in the charity basket, or donating to our favorite organization can help us feel like we are contributing to a greater good. Helping others in times of grief can help take the focus off yourself and your pain. Volunteering at a nursing home, hospital, childrenís shelter, or soup kitchen can be cathartic in times of pain. Even helping a friend or family member in need can be healing.

Stop the Comparisons
Itís easy to watch other families and compare them to your own. Seeing other families together and enjoying the festivities may make you feel deprived. Keep in mind that the holidays are stressful for most families and are rarely the magical gatherings depicted in greeting cards. Try to embrace what you have rather than compare it to what you think others have.

Remember That You Will Survive
As hard as it is for you right now, you will survive. You will make it through the holidays in one piece. It may be the most difficult season in your time of grief, but it will pass. And when it does, you will come out on the other side stronger than before.

You donít have to enjoy the holidays. You donít even have to go through the motions pretending to enjoy the festivities. But, itís also just fine to have a good time in spite of your grief. If happiness slips through your window of grief, allow it to happen and enjoy it. You wonít be doing your loved one an injustice by feeling joyous. The best gift you can give anyone you love, even someone you have lost, is being true to yourself and living your life to the fullest.

As always I wish you Peace and a level path on your Journey...

Cal821

hazelharris December 1st, 2015 09:24

re posted x

cal821 December 4th, 2015 11:48

Additional suggestive advice
 
Having gone thru all the "firsts", the holidays are now approching once agian and for many it is just the worst of the worst because of the total attachment to traditions we formed in our years as a family. The holidays mean different things to different people, some it's the crazy shopping, the perfect gifts, the expectations of trying to fill that emptiness that was left by losing our spouse with overindulgence with childrens presents, a "Daddy's or Mommy's... not here so I must make this a wonderful Christmas" mindset..and then all the stresses of those expectations hit. How to get thru them??

Don't try to fill your cup of emotions with "things". I made it thru the first year by looking at them as what they are suppose to be..Thanksgiving..a day of thanks..for all we have, not what we've lost. Did the traditional dinner, with family and friends and yes, it did hurt some, but dinner at home was our tradition and I will continue to cook it, the smells are the wonderful memories of the past while giving thanks to the present.

Christmas..looking past our loss and giving others the gift of "time", the sharing, the carefully selected gift if gift giving is part of your routine, being gentle with yourself, it is just a day, it will feel different than the past years, it will be different than past years. Expect it, feel it, but most of all, don't sweat it. Surround yourselves with what brings YOU joy, family, friends, caroling, helping at a shelter, adopt a family if your so inclined, we have suffered a huge loss in our lives but we can find a way to feel not so dysfuctional if we look beyond the "traditional whats expected" mode. Keep the stress level low and breathe. Do what feels right to you.

As always I wish you peace for your shattered heart.
Cal821

cal821 December 12th, 2017 10:08

Bump up for a re-read


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