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cal821 September 21st, 2012 17:48

"Embracing the Moment When it Sucks: Dealing with Death"and surviving
It has been a year now since I joined this forum.. I have written many posts hopng to help those who are newly bereaved.. hopefully offering some guidance and encouragement on the newly started journey they have just embarked on with their deep loss.

As always I wish only to help I'm neither a professional or a "Know it all" the many repetitive losses in my life have taught me to think objectively.. and this objective thought pattern is something that may be able to help you who are new here... to see things in a different perspective.. this is all part of the beginning steps of helping your self. If you are still reading this I may have peaked your interest.. please feel free to read on.. You never know what I have to say may actually help you..


If you have lost someone you love, you might find these tips helpful in embracing sadness: Dealing with our emotions no matter how painful is the beginning of working through the pain and sorrow... consider it a baptism of fire through pain and suffering.. you will become stronger through your ordeal and day to day survival afterwards.. even though it feels like that would never happen.. it will .. in time you will see this... but for now try these simple tips... they will help you in your journey through your loss..

1. Talk about the person who is gone.

It keeps the person alive—the memories, the laughs, the good times, and even the bad times. Giving a voice to who that person was allows other people to do the same. Acknowledge their loss and maybe share a story of your own. Nine out of ten times a Niagara Falls of stories will come pouring forth.

2. Keep visual reminders if it helps you

I still have photos of my late wife Tammy on my desk, in my wallet, as my screensaver. I turn on my computer and say hi to her. I ask her to help me with my projects.

By making her a visual part of my daily life, I embrace the loss but at the same time embrace the person. She may be gone but she is in my sight all times.

3. Don’t hide your feelings.

When the sad moments come, when the aches of missing someone wash over you, embrace them. Don’t sweep them under the carpet.

4. Celebrate the landmarks of a person’s life.

When someone passes away we often only acknowledge his or her death day. Also celebrate the days you would have celebrated when they were alive..

5. Don’t be afraid of the places you went or the things you did together.

I find many people stay away from places because they were the special places they had with the person who is gone.

With Me ...I go back to the same restaurant and sit at the same table where we( Tammy and Myself ) had (what was to be) our last meal together. I go to the same coffee bar and sit at the same spot where we had endless cups and worked on projects.

It was hard at first, but now I find it strangely comforting. I conjure Tammy up, think of what she might say if she were there, and embrace the moment for all it is—even if it’s not all I would like it to be.

Embrace the moment for what is and then make the best of it. In doing this, you limit your pain’s hold on you and may even turn that sadness into a type of joy. And remember you are in control at all times even when it seems your not.. You alone hold the key to the level, the depth and the length of your suffering.. You alone will choose to work towards understanding and acceptence of your loss and subsequent recovery... "No one else has that control over you only you do"..

I think this is the problem with why so many people get stuck in their pain and cannot work through it.. They choose not too.. Just remember no matter how badly you are hurting inside after your loss.. The sun will shine again.. after the rain..and darkness... it is the natural progression of life to rebuild.. Your open mindset of this simple fact will offer you the vehicle to move out of your pain and sorrow in time...
You just have to accept the fact that things are as they are and not how you would like them to be.. and that alone ( the acceptance of that fact ) is the beginning of your journey..

As always I wish you peace and a level path in your Journey...


gumek September 22nd, 2012 14:13

took a step today
hello dave, its been awhile, i'm glad your ok. thanks for this post it makes sense.

today i took a big step and had friends round for a meal, it was the first proper meal at home with friends without giuls. we had a good time and talked and laughed about old times, some sad moments too. it went very well but i got a bit tearful afte they left. i still have probs with being in the lounge wihout him in the evenings, just don't like being there on my own it feels safe upstairs in the bedroom surrounded by our things. but dave hazel, myself and all our friends will get to the other side, it is still early days for us as yet. we may go for a day orso then realise we haven't cried today, we will have joy again, one of these days.

thanks for this again, i keep trying to leave forum but keep coming home again.

love chrissie.

cal821 December 16th, 2014 10:17

Bump to top for re read

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