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cal821 June 4th, 2012 14:23

"Trying to Deal with the Surreal Suspended Animation Feeling" in day to day existence...
As always I post my thoughts not to be inflamatory but to facilitate thought on the subject. You decide on the information .. if it rings true within you or if it's rubbish....

Just some of my thoughts ... Please feel free to read on....

Do any of you feel like since you've been grieving you've sort of lost time?

I myself was 43 when the accident happened and now I'm 47 and it just seems strange.

Like I lost almost 4 years of my life. Like part of me was in some cryogenic state of suspension for almost 4 years. It's like I still think of myself at the age/time I was when the accident happened.
I keep having this feeling like "How did I get here?" Like driving your car, arriving at your destination but not remembering the actual drive. Such a strange feeling..... It seems like yesterday and yet so much has changed.
Maybe just not for my wife Tammy's life, but my life also. Just one devastating day in my life.
So this has become a little obsession of mine to find the answers to this weird paradox for me.... and from what I have read and researched this is sometimes a common accurance with widows and widowers.. Even as we go through the motions of our day to day existence and working on our journey into trying to find purpose, meaning, understanding and closure..

There seems to be a time gap... even though we remember the bad days when we couldn't stop crying in the early part of our grief.. The the first anniversary comes along and You may not be able to start counting the ok moments...the "ok" days... but you might start the counting "since my loved one was with me..."

You also may not be able to check off any of the "You know you were getting better when..." things, but you can look back and see differences...two steps forward, different number of steps back...mostly still one foot in front of the altering, brain altering, heart altering...Time altering

It's coming up to the anniversary of the MVA that took Tammy and now even more than ever.. I feel a strange pull to that date...
Weird in one sense that.... Sometimes it's like it just happened, and other times I feel it was another another life time ago.... Everything seems a little Paradoxical to me now..

But in thinking on this further I think I have found a possible solution to this Anomaly ... I think it all comes down to shifting my perspective for myself at the time... by looking closer at the following thoughts:

It is all too easy to view the day of the beloved's death as the culmination or climax of their life, as if that life had been an out-of-control juggernaut hurtling toward an unseen collision. Death is not culmination. It's just one day in a person's life, and generally not a very good one. You need to Believe that the time will come when you can recall the many other, better days with joy, and understand that death is only a tiny portion of life.

In Love there are no happy endings, because Love never ends!!!" "So with that DON'T WASTE A MINUTE OF THIS LIFE...When the bad emotional days come... remember LIFE is SHORT... LIFE is PRECIOUS...and THE TIME WITH OUR LOVED ONES IS A GIFT... AS WE HAVE BEEN BLESSED....

As Always I wish only to help.. Thank you for taking time to read my thoughts..

I wish you Hope and Peace when all seems darkest...


hazelharris June 4th, 2012 17:38

hi dave i thought i was the only one who did that drive somewhere forget the journey and find out i am at my destination it happens to me all the time the other day i set off to pick my daughter up and found out i was outside my work instead
tammy was a wonderful lady i read in the past your tribute to her it was very moving i know you feel her love with you such a love cannot ever be lost it transcends between this life to the hearafter like a thread never broken
i would like to say a prayer for you tammy and your children
i am sure all your friends here will say a special prayer on the day she passed if you would like us to in knowing you we know tammy all we feel from you is your compassion and love and part of that comes from tammy a very special lady
love hazelxxx

cal821 September 10th, 2017 12:39

bump up for a re-read

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